I thought school was hell. And it was. The constant harassment that occurred during the time was unbearable. They always had something to say about me and didn't have the decency to say it so I wouldn't hear it. I will say, I have scars, and they all have stories behind them.
I'm not really sure whether or not I want to share my story with you. Often times, when I share my story, people judge me. It's not that it bothers me so much anymore, it's just the fact that they'll call me overdramatic, or a sensitive bitch. I don't want people to see me that way. They obviously, though, have never been seriously harassed to the point in which you want to end your own life.
Sorry. You probably don't want to hear a sob story. But, maybe you do.
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"C'mon Chloe," Dean encouraged. "You know how dad will react if you don't attend school while he's away."
"I know, Dean," I told him. "I just wish he would stay around instead of leaving us with barely anything."
He sighed, but came over to me, put a hand on my shoulder, and said, "I know, but you know he'll be back. He's--"
"Just on a hunting trip," I interrupted angrily. "I know. It just seems that he cares more about finding the thing that killed mom than either of us."
"Hey," Dean said. "He cares about us."
"Maybe I'd believe that if he actually stayed here instead of hunting something that is long gone and would stop dwelling over her death. She died eleven years ago."
"That's beside the point-"
"And the fact that all he leaves us is a card with barely any money on it and very little food. Does that say care to you? Not to me."
With that, I picked up my bookbag and made my way to my homeroom class i would be in for two weeks.
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Lunch was always my least favorite time of the school day. First off, i never ate anything for lunch because I wanted to save some food for dinner to last us the two weeks we were left alone. Secondly, this was the time of day when you could harass someone all you wanted and the adults wouldn't be able to do anything. In the classroom, it was hard to whisper to your neighbor. I prefered being in my classes. In the classroom, it was always harder to call me names or to send me cruel notes because the teachers had eyes like hawks. They were the hawks, we were the worm.
I sat at the bleachers with Sam at lunch waiting for Dean. I didn't want to tell him what had been happening but if he had found out a different way, it just wouldn't be the same as if I told him. Maybe later though. I could make it through the rest of the day. At least, I hoped I could.
"Hey guys," a miserable Dean greeted as he walked towards the bleachers.
"What happened to you," Sam asked. "Did someone upset the big, bad, future hunter?"
"Na. Just school."
"What about it," I asked him.
"I mean," he started. "It's not like we're going to be here long. Why does he make us go to school anyway? He's not going to be there to help us with our homework."
"Woah," Sam exclaimed. "What happened to 'Follow dad's orders'?"
"I thought about what Chloe told me this morning," he admitted.
Crap.
"He really doesn't leave us with much money or food, and he doesn't expect for anything to come after us again. His expectations could kill me or you guys. But, maybe then he'd see that he should have been paying more attention and that he should've been a better dad."
I had never seen that side of Dean before. He was always a good little soldier. He almost always followed orders. But, you know what? Sometimes, even the good soldiers have to step out of line.
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I had decided to walk home alone that day. I left before Sam or Dean could exit the building. Sure, I knew that they would be worried about me, but I needed some venting time to myself. I needed some time to think about what I was going to do to stand up for myself. I also realized that my biggest bully...
Was myself.
That's who everyone's biggest bully is. The kids can say all they want to us but, at the end of the day, we decide whether or not we will listen and believe all those hateful words that shoot in our general direction. Sure, they can be harsh words, but we have the power to stand up to them and let them know that they aren't going to bring us down. We have the power to demand that they stop treating us like shit. We are not shit. We are beautiful in every single way. No matter what they say, we're the song that's out of tune. We are all full of beautiful mistakes. We all screw up at some point in our lives. Not a single soul on this planet is perfectly pure. We've all done something that would count as a sin. And the thing is, that's okay. We make mistakes and we learn from them. I know that I've made mistakes. I know that my father has made mistakes, and that my brothers have made mistakes. So what?! We all have done some pretty fucked up things in this life.
Maybe I could use that against my bullies tomorrow.
__________
I dragged my feet against the cold white tiles of the school hallway, trying to build up the courage to stand up to them. The damn cheerleaders and jocks. To the people who know absolutely nothing about me. But most of all, I just wanted to make it for forty-nine minutes. Dad was coming home.
"Winchester," a football jock, Carlos, hollered. My brothers were standing in the hallway watching. "Where do you think you're going?"
"To my dad's car," I managed to spill.
"Oh," Carlos taunted. "Is he coming to take your sorry ass away? Too bad no one's going to miss you."
I saw Dean about to do something but I shook my head. I had to do this. Alone.
"Maybe no one here will miss me," I spat. "But that doesn't give you the right to treat people the way you've been treating me for the past two weeks."
I got surprised looks from everyone in the halls. Even Mr. Rubenstein, the Art teacher. Especially Sam and Dean.
"I may not be perfect, or have a perfect family, or live an apple pie life, but I wouldn't trade a single dime for the family I have. I know I've made mistakes, that my father has made mistakes, that my brothers have, but I am not a mistake. We all have made mistakes. Hell, there are some things that I have done that not even my brothers know about, but that's okay. I know now that my biggest bully isn't you, or the stupid cheerleaders, or even my own father. My biggest bully is me. And I'm going to put a stop to it right now. From here on out, I pledge to tell myself that I am beautiful, not a mistake. That what you assholes are saying to me, is actually pretty far from true. I may not be perfect in your eyes, but in God's eyes, I am as pure as can be. So, whatever you were going to say to me, go ahead. I have rebuilt my stone walls and this time, they won't fall. They are stronger than ever before. Your move."
He just stared at me, surprised by my outburst.
"No," I said. "Then I'll be leaving now."
I walked out of that school stronger than I have ever been in my entire life. That was my defining moment. What's yours?
