"She Is Mine."

11

'April 26th, 2013.

Dear you,

My first love.

My only love.

And what I thought,

My last love.

My crush on you is hopeless. Didn't you promise me to come back? Didn't you promise me, that no matter how far we are, no matter the distance, you'll come back.

But, promises are meant to be broken, right?

I've become so depressed over you, I've started writing useless, nonsensical letters to you, then locking them away, far away. Knowing I'll never have the guts to send them to you.

But, how are you doing?

I bet you're doing fine, living your happy life without me. I'm not. I'm desperate. Desperate for the longing sensation of love, and truth. And, happiness.

Desperate for the feeling of feeling safe around someone's arms. Which, I wish to be your arms.

I miss your tight bear hugs.

I miss your stupid jokes that somehow still make me laugh.

I miss our nicknames for each other.

I miss you calling me, 'Ms. Short Gorgeous.' and me calling you, 'Mr. Tall Guy.'.

I miss the feeling of when you put your chin on my head when you hug me.

I miss your surprise hugs.

I miss your over protection of me.

I miss how you defended me every time anyone told me I was ugly, or wasn't good enough for you.

I miss your everything.

I miss, you.

I feel like such a hopeless romantic and the worst part is, you made me like this. You made me depressed. You made me desperate for love.

Because of you, I'm afraid to love again.

Because of you, I'm afraid to give in to someone.

Because, I don't want my heart to be crushed into pieces again. I'm not able to bear it.

I thought you loved me. But, that's the catch.

I thought.

I gave you my everything, and then one day you tossed it all away. Do you remember?

It was Year 8, and I was looking for you. You didn't come to the cafeteria to eat, so I got worried. I didn't have any other friends to sit with. I took my free time and ran around the school for you.

And then, I came across you pinning Siena to the lockers. I don't even have the guts to say what you guys were doing.

At that moment, I dropped everything that was in my hand, and you and Siena's attention turned towards me.

Idiotic me.

Your face said it all, "Shit.".

Right there, all sorts of anger, confusion, sadness rushed in me. I thought of you badly,

Idiot.

Douche.

Playboy.

I didn't even wait for your apology, or your explanation, I ran off.

I trusted you.

I loved you.

You were my everything, and when I saw you with Siena that day, I broke apart totally.

And then, I forgave you nonchalantly.

Then, everything went back to normal.

But, everytime I saw you, everytime you hugged me, everytime we talked, I didn't feel the spark that I had for you before.

I told myself, I didn't have feelings for you anymore. But when I came to college, I started missing you like hell. And I longed for you.

I don't know what's wrong with me, or my stupid heart. But, what I do know is,

I loved you, and still do. And I miss you so much,

Mr. Tall Guy.

Until next time.

Love,
Allison. '

I sealed the letter and tucked it neatly in my suitcase. The board members of Hemmings College are asking us to move into the campus so we won't be late to our classes, and it would be much easier.

But, I highly doubt that.

I packed all my stupid letters into the secret compartment of my black suitcase and carried it out of my room. Harry frowned, seeing me carry my suitcase out.

I placed it down and kneeled down to the height of Harry, and placed my hands on his shoulder. He was trembling while crying in the process. "Har, what's wrong?" I asked, pushing a lock of hair out of his face.

"I don't want you to leave," he pouted and sniffled, hiccupping repeatedly. "I'll visit, I swear. Cheer up, Har," I hugged him and went to mom and dad.

Looking at them properly, they didn't seem sad. "I bet you won't miss me, right?" I spat bitterly. "Honey-" I glared at both of them and carried my suitcase out of the door.

Jessica was already waiting outside, in her car. "Hey Jess," she smiled and nodded for me to get in. I dumped my suitcase in the trunk and got in the passenger's seat as Jessica drives off.

"Ready Allison?"

The right part of my mouth tugged into a wide grin, as I nodded.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

------------

THE HAZE IS SO BAD

UGH UGH UGH

shit you indonesia -,-

no regrets for saying that.

~~~~~

hey guys!

sorry i haven't updated since eid.

but i have a perfect explanation for it.

i'm lazy af XD

anyways..

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 500++ READS

I FEEL SO BLESSED

AND LOVED

you guys are so nice ugh ;))

can we make it to 600 reads soon though?

thanks guys!

ilya, byee!

much love,

- elsa <3