Guessing Sparkles (WA 2013)

Speak Now

Clarie Sparks and Peter van Wilson's picture together on the side. :) 

"I am not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occassion. But you are not the kind of boy who should be marrying the wrong girl." - Speak Now, Taylor Swift

Chapter 30: Speak Now

 I looked around me and still couldn't believe what I was seeing before my very eyes. Everything looked so impossible. Trust me, I tried slapping my face awhile ago—but it didn't work out. I was still trapped in this beautiful daydream. Honestly, I never felt the need to wake up anymore. Which, if you'd ask me, sounded so crazy. Everything that I wanted in my life was complete in this dream. My sister could see me, and I was alive. To be honest, being alive never felt this good before. Now, it felt so much better. Perhaps, because I finally knew what I wanted to know about life. And I realized that life will always be beautiful no matter what. Funny, but I used to think before that my life was just a pure mistake. I've always wanted to be in someone else's shoe. And I could still remember that day when my friend, Tatiana, took me and Katniss at the park one day while my fake parents were away for a business trip. The day still looked alive in my heart. Actually, it was the day when I realized that my life wasn't like any other. That it was special. 

 My heart could still remember that moment when I saw a woman and her little daughter. She was laughing out loud with her. I don't know, but watching them sort of made me happy inside. Like a part of me was happy to see a little girl happy with her mother's company. Well, I figured how lucky she was to have someone who cared and loved her unconditionally. That unlike me, she never experienced what it will be like to live alone in this crazy world. She was so lucky that someone will actually be there for her. I was very sure of the fact that while she was laughing with her mother, she didn't think of all the worries this life will give her in the future. That as for that moment, the only important thing for her heart was the fact that she had the most amazing woman with her. And yes, I was mighty jealous of what she had. Looking at her, I thought about what it will be like to be in her shoe. To have someone who you can love with and will love you back in return. Before, I thought that life will be better if it would actually turn out like that—but I was wrong.

Somehow, I figured that my life was better than hers. Yes, for some odd reason, I realized that I had so much better than what she had. That sure, she was happy with the woman who gave her life, but I had so much more than that. I had so much more than a mother who brought me here on earth. My pretty mind realized that she only had the best thing when I had both. Life for me was a mixture of good and bad memories. People only looked at the good side of life and never payed attention to the memories that brought them sorrow and agony. But I wasn't one of them. Crazy, but those bad memories helped me realize what was really important about life. Those things that kept me down years ago were the same things that helped me pick up the broken pieces of the jigsaw puzzle. I realized that I was lucky to experience that life wasn't just about the happy moments. And bad moments weren't just about agonies, sorrows and some other stuffs. They were lessons made to teach us that we need to open our eyes to some other important things. 

I was so busy wondering what it will be like to live in someone else's life, that I didn't notice what I already had in my hands. The things that were more important, but I was too blinded with my illusions that  everything will be so much better if I was born a different person. Perhaps, I already knew what I had—but I was just too stubborn and took everything for granted. Those awful memories that I had suffered from the past helped me become stronger and wiser. I gathered enough courage that could help me accept the fact that there were some things that I couldn't change in my life. And I became so keen to choose things wisely. Happy would be an understatement to describe what my heart felt the moment I saw what fate gave me. Funny, but before I never believed that fate had a beautiful plan for me. As a matter of fact, I always thought that fate was one my enemies. Thankfully, I was wrong with everything I thought about fate. My heart still couldn't believe that I was give yet another chance. A chance to make things right. The opportunity that I prayed before. I don't how, but these past few days I suddenly got lucky. There were people who loved and cared for me, both from past and present. And God believed that I deserved a chance to fulfill the promise I once said to Marge and to myself. That was, of course, to love Peter with all my heart and soul.