Lost Without Them (Ashton Irwin Story)

See something you like?

Storm's POV

Calum sighs sadly when he realises that I have no intentions of telling them anything or even answering the question. Michael just pats his shoulder, still oblivious to the situation but trying none the less to comfort his friend. Luke approaches Calum, pulling him gently away from Michaels grip and against to his chest instead. Calum just collapses against him and cries, sobs racking his body and making him shake as he grips Luke's shirt, apparently given up hiding how much this affects him for the time being.

"We're going to let you sort this out between yourselves..."Dad mumbles before beginning to lead mum away. They send Calum a sad look, sparing me a quick glance before the door is shut.

Sometimes I wonder whether they know what goes through my brain too; on my off days, they tend to leave me alone a lot more, just like today. It's probably not the safest idea but it's how they deal with it. I do feel bad for Calum, though. I'm not a heartless bitch no matter how much people think I am. I know he feels bad, hiding something from the boys like this but still not knowing how to help either. But how can I tell him how to help me when I don't even know how to help myself?

Luke holds Calum for a minute or so as he cries, whispering softly in his ear and playing with his hair until he has calmed down. Ashton stays by me as Michael sits gently on the end of the bed by my feet, both watching the other two as well.

I close my eyes after a while of just blankly watching, blocking the world out once again. After a few minutes of laying there, I feel the other two join us on the bed.

"Is she asleep?" Calum asks quietly, still sniffling slightly.

"Maybe." Michael answers simply. It's silent for a few minutes before Michael whispers, "What do you know that we don't?"

I feel Calum take my hand, drawing patterns on the back of it gently. Calum is good at avoiding questions that he doesn't want to answer but now is not one of those times.

"Well..." Luke urges gently.

"It... It's not my story to tell. If she wanted you to know, then you would. I was never meant to find out, but when I did I promised both her and myself I would not tell anyone until she was ready." Calum answers, wording his answer carefully.

"What don't you want us to know Stormy?" Ashton whispers, playing with a lose piece of hair.

"That's just great. She tells you but not her own brother. Makes complete sense doesn't it." Michael mumbles sarcastically.

"I found out. I was NEVER told. I was never meant to know. But when I told her I knew, she trusted me not to tell you. We made it this long, so why can't you just leave it for now? She will tell you when she is ready to do so." Calum raises his voice.

I open my eyes and grab his hand, drawing patterns just like he just did on my hand. I can feel Ashton watching me, shifting away when I keep my focus on Calum.

"Is it really that bad... whatever it is that you know?" Luke reluctantly speaks up.

"Depends." I whisper.

"On what?" Michael questions.

"What you do with the information." I answer.

Calum lays next to me again, still holding onto my hand like a lifeline. He presses a kiss to my forehead as I close my eyes and fall asleep shortly after, tired from today's activities and praying on sleep to take me away from my reality for a little while. The last thing I hear is Calum apologising one last time before he too settles down to sleep, holding me close just like before.

----------------------------------------

When I wake up, it's the next morning and I feel a bit better. I still feel like I have my own personal rain cloud above my head but I think I will be better at hiding my antics today.

I shuffle into the kitchen tiredly, wearing Michael's 'Misfits' jumper than I stole a while ago. All the boys are up apart from Calum, who is still sleeping soundly in my room. I spot Ashton at the cooker as I enter, being the only one trusted to cook without burning the house down he is usually on cooking duty.

"Where's your boyfriend?" He calls over to me, where I have sat at the table, head against my arms on the table, across from Michael.

I take my head off the table and mumble tiredly, "What boyfriend?"

Michael rolls his eyes as Ashton huffs. "Shut up Ashton, anyway, he was on about Calum." Michael states, glaring at Ashton's back over my shoulder.

"I'm here." Calum yawns, trudging into the kitchen shirtless and grabs his cup from its spot on the draining board, beginning to make himself a cup of coffee. I can see Luke watching Calum, pretending to be sipping his drink.

"See something you like Luke?" Calum calls, not even turning around. I giggle as Luke chokes on his coffee, cheeks now a bright red colour. Calum smiles over his shoulder at me, winking at Luke who had just barely recovered from being caught.

Michael is hides his smirk behind his cup as he takes a drink. Ashton, who hadn't been paying attention until now, mumbles, "'course he does, would like it better under different circumstances."

This comment makes Luke start swatting at Ashton, who had dropped into the seat on the left of me, with a nearby magazine, making Calum chuckle.

"Wait 'til later babe, then you can see as much as you like." Calum jokes, making Luke blush more and swat at Calum this time.