Undisclosed Desires

Chapter 11

I'm sorry it took me so long again, but I'm on vacation now. I wrote this on my iPhone and am now sitting in a McDonalds using their free Wi-Fi. So you have this chapter thanks to the McDonalds.

I also didn't have a chance to check this one on mistakes, because my parents want to leave. So there are more mistakes than normal. Sorry for that!

And I also want to apologise for the fact that there are so many mistakes, generally. I'm Dutch, so my English isn't perfect. I still think it's very hard to write in English, so again sorry for the mistakes.

A picture of Aydin btw ---------->

Well I'm going to shut up now! Enjoy!

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"He's such a dick," I angrily threw down my copy of Hamlet.

Aydin looked up from his book, an Italian. The geek could speak Italian. Just like French, German, Latin, Greek, Spanish and Chinese. Like I said geek. "You mean Hamlet? Yeah, you're right he's an asshole."

I cracked a smile as he said this, but I was still angry. "No, I'm talking about Nate."

He gave me a look that told me he knew what I was talking about. He didn't say anything insulting about Nate, though. He just asked me what he had done this time.

I took a deep breath before I started talking. "I asked him what kind of thing he had done that brought him to a nuthouse. And well he became extremely angry and told me that it was my own fault my dad was murdered, that I didn't deserve a good parent."

Aydin took a sharp intake of breath as I told him this. He looked at me with understanding and sympathy in his eyes. He knew what it was like when your parents pass away.

"You know it isn't your fault," he said while he draped his arm over my shoulders and pulled me against his chest. "He just said that, because he was extremely angry. And I don't know what he had done, but it has to be very bad if he reacts this way."

"I know," I sighed. "But he doesn't understand that I don't care what he has done. It's the past. Everything he does in the future matters."

"And he did something very wrong," Aydin muttered.

"Yes, he did."

I felt Aydin nod, before he laid his chin on my head. We sat this way for a long time. Both thinking and lost in our own world. My head was on his chest and his arms around me. If anyone saw us, they would've assumed we were a couple. But it was far from that. The way he was holding me was the way a brother would hold his sister. And I liked it, very much.

I wondered why I couldn't feel the same way about Aydin as I did about Nate. It would make everything so much easier. Where Nate was hot tempered, complicated and just a complete asshole, Aydin was sweet, compassionate and easy going. I could have a happy life with him in the institute and he would make my time here a lot more bearable. He already was an amazing friend and I just hoped that one day I maybe felt for him.

I let out a sigh and looked at Aydin's face. He was deep in thought, a frown on his beautiful face. I laid down again and rubbed slow circles on his arm.

"They were murdered," Aydin muttered suddenly.

This time I raised my head completely and looked at him in confusion. His face was shocked and he looked at me like a deer that was caught in the headlights of a car. Apparently he hadn't wanted to tell me about it.

He quickly shook his head and muttered, "Never mind. Just forget I told you that."

"No, please tell me. You know you can trust me," I said. "Only if you want to. If you really don't want to tell me, you don't have to. I just thought that maybe it would relieve you in some way, if you tell me. You know sharing your-"

"My parents," Aydin interrupted my rambling. "My parents were murdered."

He looked sad while he said this and I could only imagine how hard it was for him to tell me this.

"I'm so sorry," I said, not prying further about the details of their murder.

"You don't want to know how they were murdered?" Aydin sounded confused.

I raked a hand through my hair and looked him in the eye. "Yes I do, I just thought that maybe you weren't ready to tell me it."

"No, I am," he said. "It will do me good to tell it to someone."

I just nodded and waited for him to start.

"I'm now eighteen he said and five three years ago when I was fifteen I went on vacation to Canada with my parents. We weren't rich and they could barely pay this holiday, but they wanted to give it to me as an early sixteenth birthday gift," he shook his head and stopped for a couple of seconds before he continued. I just waited quietly.

"They had rented a little apartment near the Niagara Falls and the first couple of days were amazing. I saw so much and was so excited to be abroad for the first time of my life. The fourth day of our vacation, my mother was cooking and my dad was reading the newspaper. I was reading a book on the couch, when someone knocked on our door. My mother opened it and a man was standing in the door opening, he had a gun in his hand and pointed it on her head. He and three other men came in grabbing us and tying us to the headboard of the bed. I won't go into any details, but they tortured my parents and me."

He raised his t-shirt over his head and showed my his backside and his arms. They were completely covered with scars. The pink lines had faded somehow, but you could still see them very well.

Besides the regular lines there were also large spots that were obviously burns. I noticed they weren't just burns, they were marks. It were letters that formed words like useless, miserable or ugly. I had to suppress a gasp. This was horrible, the persons that had done this to him were sick.

Aydin lowered his shirt over his head again. "This went on for a while and I had to watch how my parents were being tortured. They had to watch me too. After two days, my father died after he'd lost too much blood. My mother followed him a day later and I was the only one left," his fists were balled and his nails were digging into his skin. I slowly took his hands and uncurled them.

"After one of their torture sessions with me, they left me untied, because I was too injured to move. Three of them left, leaving only one of them on guard. The moron went sleeping and on some miraculous way I was able to get to him and hit him with a flatiron. He was knocked out and I grabbed his gun and tied the guy. I waited for the others and shot them so they were unable to grab me. And I'm not proud of my actions, but it has happened. I tortured them to death, like they had done with my parents. I gave them a couple of horrible days, before they died. You have to know that I was so angry, I could still see the damaged bodies of my parents and I was mad. I didn't know what I was doing anymore. I just wanted to make them pay for my parents death. When they were all dead I went to the police myself and told them what happened. After three months I was shipped off to Cavanaugh."

He ended his story with a large sigh and I could tell it was very hard for him. I didn't know what to say to him and hugged him instead, hoping my body could say what words couldn't.

"You're not disgusted, not angry with me?" Aydin asked confused.

I shook my head. "No, what happened to you is horrible. You're not a criminal, you're a victim."

"But I tortured four man to death. I scraped their skins of with a cheese slicer and let them eat it. I placed rats on their stomachs and placed a hot pan on them, so that the rats would dig their way out through their stomachs."

I knew what he was doing. He was trying to make himself look bad and I had to admit that this were some horrible things. I certainly hadn't expected this things. But then again this guys had it coming to them.

"I don't care. I have done some horrible things myself and those guys had it coming to them."

He sighed and shook his head.

"Stop hating yourself," I said. "You're the most amazing guy I know and like I said you're the victim and not the criminal."

He smiled weakly at me before he pulled me towards his chest again. "Although I think you should be disgusted with me, I'm happy you're not angry. I didn't want you to leave me, I can't handle that."

"I'll never leave you," I muttered, while I tried to process the things I had heard today.