Runaways and dreamers

Chapter 22- Shield

Katie decided that she wasn't ready to tell him about Tommy, wasn't capable yet. There was too much doubt and fear that maybe, just maybe, Jace would change his mind if he knew. Jace had noticed, unlike Romona, the secretive look Katie had when she denied James having told her anything.

"So what happened last night?" Jace asked openly, sitting on the edge of the table.

Katie's mental alarms went off immediately, "What do you mean?"

"I know you were lying to Romona." Jace added in a cautious tone, "What happened?" Katie clenched her jaw, scarred that if she answered one question they'd continue till it circled around to the other dark spots of her past. To Tom.

Getting defensive, her way of protecting herself, she denied in a snippy tone, "I wasn't lying to anyone! Nothing happened." Jace was about to press the issue but Katie stormed out before he could. She remembered Tom and how close they had been before she sabotaged herself. The beginning of her and Tom's story was much too similar to her and Jace for Katie's comfort. She feared that if she told Jace he would think she was going to disappear like she had with Tommy.

She jogged up the stairs and down the halls of the new house and picked a random room to shut herself in. Sliding down the wall, she sat against the door, her head down and hands in her hair. No, I can't tell him, she told herself, fear getting a tighter grip on her, it's best for him if he doesn't know. It'll only scare home away.

Katie had lost everything she'd cared about before, she wasn't about to let it happen again. If she lost Jace, there really would be nothing left. He kept her holding onto the hope that maybe she would turn out ok. Losing him scared her more than anything else on the face of the planet. Shielding him from me is what's best, She thought adamantly.

Jace hadn't moved from his position of sitting on the edge of the table. He stared at the staircase in utter confusion. What just happened, Jace wondered with furrowed brows and his mouth just slightly hanging open, it wasn't that hard of a question... I didn't ask her if she was in love with James or something. I was just curious if they had talked or anything. Jace wanted desperately for her to let him in, he didn't care what she'd done; she could've been a murderer and he would've loved her none the less. It's funny how once someone really falls for someone else, they just can't not like them. No matter what they do or have done.

Slowly, Jace lowered himself off the table and headed upstairs, determined to prove to Katie that she couldn't possibly change his mind. She was easy to find; only one door was closed. Jace knocked, he heard a slight shuffling before the door opened. A single fiery orange eye peeking through the crack, accompanied by a few strands of wavy brown hair.

"Can I come in?" Jace questioned gently with a hopeful smile.

"Why?" Katie shot back, still putting up her mental shield to protect Jace from her past mistakes. She was inadvertently forcing herself to be stuck playing the offensive against an imagined opposing team. In reality, only really fighting the people on her own team.

The question hurt Jace in a weird way, as he wondered if he needed a reason to want to be there for her, and why she thought he needed one. He shrugged, confused, "I don't know, so we can talk or just hang out."

Katie nearly said no and shut the door, but a very small reasonable part of her urged her to let him in. At least in the room if not her past.
Finally, she nodded, "Alright, we can hang out. I'm not really in a huge talking mood though."

Nodding, Jace agreed, anything with her was better than nothing. The door swung open wider as Katie went and sat on the window seat, her knees pulled to her chest. Jace sat down on the side of the seat across from her. They sat in silence, Jace smiling at her and her orange eyes that he loved. Katie stared outside into the slowly darkening sky.

"What caused you to forgive James?" Jace brought it up again, hoping for explanation this time, now that she seemed more calm.

Katie's jaw tightened, "Not much. It's not important anyway."

"Please?" Jace continued, "Katie I just want to understand how you went from hating his guts to a mutual understanding where you could lie for him."

Sighing, Katie looked away again, "I don't want to talk about it, Jace." She didn't want to open up, she felt they were both safer when she shielded him from her past. But Jace was absolutely determined to get her to open up.

"Katie?" Jace broke the silence, taking a leap of faith and hoping it would work.

"Yeah?"

"You know I love you, right?" Jace continued, his heart in his throat, the experience like the feeling of jumping off a bridge without any certainty that something would catch him. She nodded, a very small smile appearing on her face. Half of her screamed to tell him what she really felt, that she loved him, but the other half begged her to stay silent. Jace had taken a leap of faith, jumped off the bridge, with only hope that she wouldn't let him fall. But the question now was if she was willing to jump too.