Goner | M.C.

Part 6

[Michael Clifford]

"You can't be serious, Reed." I shook my head not wanting to believe that was the reason.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She was already glaring at me, the comfortable silence we had shared gone in seconds.

"A guy?" I questioned. "There are probably a million and one men and women alike who would do anything for a shot with you."

Her lips parted for a moment to say something, but quickly closed them when she thought about it for another moment. I didn't know if it was just from the cold, but her cheeks had definitely gotten redder and I refused the smile that tried to surface on my face.

"Have you ever been in love, Michael?" She spoke up after a moment.

I glanced away in shame before I whispered. "No, I haven't."

"Then you have no idea how it feels." She paused. "Sure you lost the confidence you had in your friends, but something like that can mend over time."

She turned to look back over the city, hanging her head in sadness. "But when you're in an intimate relationship with someone for so many years and then have it break right in front of you-"

She cut herself off, once again in deep thought, but she didn't cry and I wondered if she even had any tears left. "You can't come back from a betrayal like that."

I didn't know what to say because she was right, I didn't really understand what being in love was like. I've had my fair share of girlfriends and hook ups, but there was no deeper meaning behind any of them. And I felt ashamed that I've been able to experience so many things in my short life, but love wasn't one of them.

"There are other guys." I could only repeat myself, but she just shook her head.

"I have no trust left inside me to give to anyone," She spoke quietly, her jaw tense. "And that was really only the start of it."

I waited patiently for her to continue, but she just stayed silent as she stared down at the street below us, a place I still didn't dare to look. The fog from earlier in the night had dissipated slightly and now it was a lot easier to see the whole city from where we were perched. It was a wondrous sight to behold and I was happy that I was able to share it was someone just like me.

"After that," Reed's voice had me turning back to her. "He pretty much kicked me out. So I've been living on the street and in shelters since then."

"Why wouldn't you just stay at a friend's house?" My body was tense with anticipation, but I already knew her answer.

"When you love someone the way I loved Josh, you don't really see anyone else. That was my mistake."

I couldn't comprehend it at all. How one person could be so dependent on another and then not know how to deal with it after that person leaves.

"Never become homeless, Michael." Her voice was dead serious and it was painful to listen to. "There is nothing else in the world that can break you the way homelessness does. It's devastating."

I bit at my lower lip as I turned my chin up toward the sky, hoping that Reed wouldn't notice the tears that had formed in my eyes. I wondered if she cried every night she spent trying to find a warm and comfortable place to sleep. I wondered how someone could be cruel enough to knowingly leave a girl with absolutely nothing. Just the thought made me sick.

Subconsciously, I reached over and took her hand in mine. I didn't know how to comfort someone as broken as she was, but nonetheless I was happy to see that she hadn't pulled away yet. We sat in complete and utter silence for a long period of time.

"What about your parents?" I asked. "Can't you contact them?"

"I haven't talked to them in years. I can't see it doing much good now." She was staring at our hands that rested in my lap and I couldn't decipher the emotions that ran over her features.

"There is no harm in trying." I used her words against her.

Her gaze rose and I let out a shaky breath as her eyes finally met mine, my heart starting to pound in my chest. Is this what love feels like? Because it felt like my heart could rip out of my chest at any second. There was so much sadness in her pretty grey eyes and for a brief second I wished that I could be the next guy to make her fall in love. To make her feel something other than pain and frustration.

"I don't want to be back in a house with those two." Reed averted her eyes from mine and she fidgeted slightly in her spot next to me. "All they ever did was fight."

"I'm sorry." I continued to stare at her.

"I don't want your sympathy." She shook her head. "I don't regret anything in my life or the way it's turned out. I'm just done."

My grip on her hand tightened subconsciously as I gulped back the fear that had risen inside me. How do you change someone's mind when they're so completely blinded by their own misery?