Goner | M.C.

Part 7

[Michael Clifford]

"Don't say that." My mind was moving at warp speed and while continuing to stare at her, I realized I might have found one more thing worth living for and that fact scared the shit out of me.

"What do you want me to say, Michael?" She glanced my way for a brief second.

"Tell me you care about your life," I spoke with confidence, but on the inside I shook with fear for what she would actually say.

"But then I'd be lying."

"Reed, there has to be something!" I dropped her hand for a second, wiping my sweaty palms against my jeans. "Anything that might make you the slightest bit happy."

"Would you sing me one of the songs you wrote?" She asked randomly, not bothering with my words.

"I-" I paused and thought about it for a second. "Would that make you happy?"

I was stunned by the bright smile that spread across her face. My eyes trailed over her entire face, taking in how much prettier she looked when she smiled like that. I could tell it was genuine, like her spirits were lifted just knowing that I could possibly care about the way she was feeling and it excited me to no end. Maybe I just had to keep finding small ways to bring that smile out and eventually it would coax her off this ledge.

"You can't laugh though, that's the only rule." I waved my finger in her face. She nodded quickly, looking a little too eager to watch me make a fool of myself.

"It's going to sound weird." I tried to come up with an excuse, way too nervous over what I was about to do. "I don't have my guitar-"

"Michael, this is valuable time you're wasting right now," She interrupted me with a playful hint in her eyes, but I knew she was being completely serious and I instantly gulped back my insecurities.

"Okay." I cleared my throat and took a second to let the sounds of the city calm my nerves.

I shut my eyes and thought back to all the times I had stepped out onto a stage to preform for thousands of people. I thought about the rush of adrenaline that would pulse through me as people screamed the lyrics along with us. I thought about how much I missed it all, the good and the bad, it was worth it and I should have fought harder to keep it.

"You look happy." Her quiet voice brought me out of my nostalgic mood.

"Right now," I spoke, giving her a sweet smile. "I haven't felt this calm and content in a very long time. So thank you."

She laughed a little, shaking her head. "I didn't do anything."

"You've done more for me in this short amount of time than I have ever done in my entire life." And it was the truth. If she hadn't come up here at the exact time she had, I'd already be dead. Not even taking a moment to think twice about the possibilities I still had.

I couldn't really explain what I was feeling toward Reed in that moment. The only way I could describe it was like a hysterical love. Maybe it was only because of the extreme circumstances we were in together or maybe it was the blunt but meaningful conversations we were having. Whatever it was, if we both walked away from this ledge tonight, there was no way I was letting that feeling go.

"Every time you say to me it's over..." The words flowed smoothly from my lips and I closed my eyes not wanting to see her reaction.

"The girl who cries wolf everyday,
Ignored by gravity, but in the end, don't ask why..."

The feeling of her fingers lacing through mine gave me the confidence I was searching for and my voice rose in volume as I skipped straight to the chorus. "So look at me in the eyes, is anyone there at all?"

"Is anyone there at all? Cause I'm not dreaming.
Is anyone there at all? Cause I'm not leaving..."

I let out a long breath taking a second before I opened my eyes and turned toward Reed. My whole body was tense as I sat there staring into her glassy eyes. The song wasn't meant to make her upset.

"I'm sorry!" I rushed, trying to keep the tears welling up in her eyes from falling. If she cried over something I did, I'd never forgive myself. "I didn't mean to-"

"Michael," Her voice cracked half way through my name and she shook her head trying to collect her thoughts. "Just stop talking."

To my utter surprise, she shifted closer so her body was pushed right up against mine. I didn't dare move a muscle, knowing she could pull away at any moment. With our fingers still clasped together, she wrapped her other arm around mine and curled herself into my side. The wind picked up as silence took over the air around us. And once again I was content.

"You've got a beautiful voice," Reed finally spoke up after what felt like hours. "A little ruff around the edges, but beautiful all the same. I guess it's a lot like how I see you as a person in general. You wouldn't still be up here if you weren't a good person."

Like I said before, the circumstances we were in had only heightened my emotions and it took everything to restrain myself from looking down at her. It felt like I was submerged underwater, my lungs burning for air as I held in my breath. In this moment I knew if I looked at her I'd probably do something stupid like kiss her. And as much as I wanted to after those words left her lips, I wasn't sure if it would help her or only push her closer to the edge.