Goner | M.C.

Part 8

[Michael Clifford]

We didn't speak for a long time after that. Instead I sat staring out over the tops of buildings until they blurred into tiny little specs. Reed kept her head down, her cheek pressed up against my shoulder in hopes of keeping the slightest bit warm.

I wondered if we would stay like this until the sun broke over the horizon. I wondered what would have happened if I had chosen a different building or a different night to die. I never would have met this girl or even considered reevaluating my state of mind. But most importantly, I wondered what Reed could have been thinking in that exact moment.

And just as the thought crossed my mind, she shifted slightly and to my dismay moved back to her original position. My entire right side went cold as the frigid wind whipped around us. I stared over at her in confusion as she stared down at her lap with an expression that mirrored mine.

She shook her head like she was disagreeing with her own thoughts. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize for anything." My eyebrows pushed together in worry as her features turned from confused to almost lost.

"I never should have talked to you," She spoke like I wasn't supposed to hear her.

"What's wrong with talking to me?" I inched toward her.

"I don't even know you," Her voice rose in volume and I felt nerves start to build into me as her entire demeanor changed. "And here you are acting like my life is important!"

"But it is." My hands gripped the ledge tightly as I moved even closer. "Every life is important and there is always something worth living for."

"Do you hear yourself?" She talked over me and I couldn't believe that our peaceful moment had turned into this. What was she trying to do?

"If every life is important, why are you even up here?!" Her eyes were glassy as the wind blew her hair in all directions.

Why was I up here? It wasn't for me, not anymore. The second I saw this girl I knew tonight was no longer what I had planned it to be. I was up here for one simple reason.

"For you." I stared into her dull grey eyes, but she quickly turned away.

"That's so cliché, Michael." She scoffed.

"But it's the truth."

I bit at my lip as tears sung the backs of my eyes. I wanted so badly to cry, but I pushed the feeling away. I wanted to scream at her for yet again pushing me away so easily. It felt like it did when Luke had told me they were letting me go. The pain was unbearable and I had no idea how to make it go away.

"What do I have to do, Reed?" I strained my voice. "Tell me what I have to do to make you understand. To make you happy."

She just shook her head, refusing to meet my gaze.

"Do you want me to sing again? Do you want me to get up and do a little dance? Tell me," My voice cracked helplessly. "Just tell me what to do to make you happy and I'll do it!"

She stayed quiet for a while like she hadn't even heard what I said, which would have been impossible since I had practically yelled at her. Her lips had turned the slight shade of purple, but I knew if I tried giving her my coat she would only push me further away. So I waited.

"You want to know what I want?" It was practically a whisper. "From the second I saw you, all I've wanted was for you to leave me alone."

And there it was again, that horrible pain that felt like I was being stabbed in the chest repeatedly. How had we ended up back where we started so quickly? My cheeks burned with anger as she reverted back to her first train of thought, or maybe she had never left it in the first place.

"What did I tell you before? I'm not going anywhere."

"If you hadn't come up here and you saw my name in the paper tomorrow you wouldn't have even thought twice about it, so why do you care so much?" She glared at me and I just glared right back, both of us too stubborn to give in.

"You know why and you're lying if you say you don't." I paused and waited for her to say something, but she only continued to glare. "We are the same."

Instantly her face faltered and she looked away in shame. She knew I was right, but I was sure she'd never admit it. She was so stubborn and difficult, no wonder my ex-band mates were so fed up with me in the end because I had acted the same way.

"Why do you have to say stuff like that? Simple words like that are the whole reason as to why I'm here in the first place. They make me feel inadequate," I spoke to her, but she still didn't look at me.

"It sucks not being wanted, doesn't it?"

My first thought was to tell her that she was wanted and that I was the one that wanted her. But I thought twice, knowing she would try to find a way to turn my words around to fit her devoid state of mind.

"Yeah, it does." Was the only other thing I could think of saying.

"If you could go back and change one thing from your past, what would it be?" Reed spoke up again after a long pause.

It was a good question, but not what I would have expected her to ask after our little argument. But I thought hard about it nonetheless.

"I'd make it so Luke, Calum and I became friends at a younger age, so our band could have started and we could have left Australia sooner." I nodded my head as I finished, satisfied with my answer.

"Was life back home really that bad?" She asked.

I shrugged. "It wasn't great."

"But that wouldn't change anything. You'd still be in the band and then you'd still get fired and end up here." She looked confused as she tried to understand my reasoning.

"What's wrong with that?" I smiled at her in hopes of getting some kind of reaction. "I'd rather have met you up here than not have met you at all. You've changed everything for me."

I had definitely gotten a reaction out of her, but not the one I had been hoping for. Instead of her turning to show me her pretty smile, her head just hung lower and eventually I saw a few tears fall from her eyes and soaked into the material of her jeans. She took in a big breath of air, sniffling back the rest of the tears that threatened to fall before turning to me and speaking.

"I wouldn't change a thing either." The look in her eyes had my heart racing.

And like I had predicted, I decided to do something stupid. I blame it on hysterical love. My lips brushed against hers for only a second before I snapped back and stared down at her with wide eyes. I expected her to yell at me, to tell me how much of an idiot I was for doing something like that, but instead she smiled and for a brief moment I believed that there was still some hope.