Panic Attack - H.S. AU

Chapter Three

-Harry-

It took me three hours to get out of bed this morning, an hour less than usual.

Some might call it progress, I called it pathetic.

I was pathetic.

I couldn't even get away with suicide. That's how horribly pathetic I was.

Some random girl just had to come and save the day and of course, I let her. Not only had I let her, but I believed her. She promised she'd prove my value to this world and I actually believed her.

To be honest, I'd believe anything that came out of that girl's mouth as long as she held me the way she did.

I hadn't been comforted like that before or at least not in a long time. I was very quiet as a child and eventually grew into a loner. I was terribly awkward and often quite anxious. I built up walls and refused to let people in out of fear. The way I am now--this was the result of that.

That girl, the one that, I suppose, "saved" me. Valerie, was it? There was something intriguing about her.

She was able to get me to look at her and listen to her when I was at my absolute lowest point. She talked me out of my panic attack--something not a lot of people could do.

Although I was thankful she snapped me out of it, I was frightened and a bit intimidated by her. She saw me when I was weak and vulnerable. No one's ever seen me like that before, but I guess I couldn't say that anymore and that was exactly why I left before she got the chance to really get to know me.

Surely if she knew me, she'd hate me. I was probably the most uninteresting, emotionless asshole ever known and I didn't want her to stick around long enough to figure that out.

She was too good for me.

With one look at her, I knew exactly who she was, a winner and if I was wrong about that, I at least knew one thing for sure. She was going to do big things and it would happen when people least expected it.

Somehow, I just knew this each time I looked into her deep brown eyes. I could see the exhaustion and the frustration, but I could also see the determination and motivation.

She had this glowing, positive aura that gave me a glimpse of hope that I hadn't seen in a long time and for some strange reason, someone like her, wanted to waste time trying to help a hopeless soul like me.

Regardless, I wanted to see her again, but that would be selfish of me to torture her by inserting myself into her life when she'd obviously be better off without me.

And the thought itself, deepened the already immense hole in my heart.

The sound of a knob turning pulled me from my exhausting mind.

My best friend, Niall, came through the front door with the biggest grin on his face. Sometimes I regretted giving him a spare key to my apartment, but if I hadn't he'd just bang on my door for hours until I opened it.

Niall and I had been friends for years. I met him through people I used to call friends in college and ever since he'd never left my side. We went our separate ways for a little while until I finally managed to convince him to move to New York City. He then got his own place and I even helped him land a job, which is also my job, working in one of the most successful companies in the city.

He'd come over at least once a day to tell me a new, crazy story and no matter how stupid, I never got tired of them. If anything, I saw it as a relief from my boisterous thoughts.