problems [calum hood fanfic]

{chapter one}

problems

missing him came in waves. one minute, everything was calm and easy, i was pretending im over it and that im okay. but the next, it was like water was filling up in my lungs and i couldn't get a single breath out without swallowing a load of water, i could hardly breathe.

i am crazy and wild and everything outside of sane. jacob always told me that. he made me sane, but he's gone.

i suppose i should explain what happened, every time i think about the day jacob left me, left this world, i am a wreck. but i remember the day as if it was yesterday, i fear i always will.

no one saw him getting bad again. not even me. he did so well of hiding it beneath his upbeat attitude that he seemed to always carry with him. i don't understand how he did it, because im trying and i can't seem to do it so well. jacob and i were always together, and i never saw even a sliver of him slipping back into his old habits. im trying to decide if i wasn't looking hard enough, or he was just a phenomenal actor.

but aside from that, the day he died was a day i never saw coming. it was a saturday in early september. the coldness of the minnesota air was intensifying. summer was just ending and school, our senior year, was just beginning.

i wasn't awake quite yet, the activities from the night before had tired me out too much to be awake before noon. I couldn't imagine what was happening with my best friend, what was going through his head. the peacefulness i felt that night was something i should've held onto, god knows i wouldn't be feeling much of it for a while.

that friday night, was the best night of my life. it was the last time i remember being so ridiculously happy, it was unbelievable. jacob, naomi and i were all downtown for no particular reason. we just found ourselves walking the streets of minneapolis without a care in the world. no matter how many problems we had going on in our lives, at school, with relationships, nothing could touch us that night. it was our moment. the last moment we all shared together, just most of us didn't know it. i don't even think jacob knew it at the time.

i look back at it realizing that was the last purely happy moment for any of us. naomi's parents were getting a divorce. i was a mess of school and fucked up relationships. jacob was just barely holding onto life. but we forgot about all of that for one night, we didn't plan it, it just happened.

on mine and jacobs drive home back to la cresent, minnesota, at around 3am, we talked and we laughed and we screamed the 1975 from the top of our lungs. of course, there was something he said, something that had no meaning to me at the time but means so much to me now. something i won't ever forget.

i was just about to get out of his warm car to step into the crisp autumn air when he stopped me, he grabbed my arm and tugged at his curly brown hair. he uttered words i will take to my grave;

"look mel, i want you to know that i love you. so much. you've been my best friend for almost ten years and you're the best thing that's happened to me. don't let anyone take you for granted, i hope you do amazing things in this lifetime. i love you melanie."

of course i was too intoxicated to let any of those words hold meaning at 3am on that saturday in early september. but god i wish i could hear them one last time.

and i slurred "i love you too jacob, you're the best thing since sliced bread."

he chuckled at my drunken self. he then hugged me for what felt like forever, but still wasn't long enough. he kissed my forehead and looked at me, just looked at me for a solid minute. and we said our goodbyes. the last goodbyes we'd ever exchange.

saturday morning, i woke up at around noon. i came downstairs to eat breakfast, thinking my parents would be working by now. but when i saw my mom sitting at the kitchen table clutching my dads hands and softly weeping, i knew something terrible happened, my mom never cried.

i rushed to them, asking whatever i could think of, not once did jacob cross my mind. i was asking the normal "is grandma okay? what about grandpa? aunt susie?" they just looked at me, sorrow in their eyes.

"melanie please sit down" my dad requested, his voice shaky. panic was creeping up on me and i couldn't push it away.

"no not until you tell me what happened" everything was moving fast, my breath was quick and shaky and i was expecting the worst, and it was, i just didn't know that was the worst.

"melanie, jacobs mom called" i could literally feel my heart plummet.

"jacob was found about an hour ago at the creek...sweetie jacob died last night" my whole world felt like it stopped spinning. i fell to my knees. i started panicking, screaming. i prayed to god this was some type of sick joke. this couldn't possibly be real. i willed myself to wake up from this nightmare. but i never did. jacob erickson was gone.

i sat thee on my kitchen floor with my head between my knees, locked in an embrace but my mom. and i cried my body weight in tears. my tears didn't stop coming until about an hour later. my parents told me everything, how he jumped into the creek, of course he could never survive that current, he knew that, we spent our childhood at that creek. my mind came to a conclusion i wish it didn't make, jacob killed himself last night. and a new wave of tears washed over me after that.

the funeral and everything after that seemed fuzzy and unreal to me. like it shouldn't have happened. i haven't stopped crying. i have permanent tear stains on my cheeks.

jacob was my rock, the thing that kept me steady through everything. and now he's just gone. and i am trying to live my life without my best friend. i can't understand how i could possibly do this.

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A/N- so hi hello everyone i hoped you enjoyed this first chapter of problems. i promise it'll get less sad okay ik I started writing a really depressing story but it's not all depressing i swear.

calum will appear in the 2nd or 3rd chapter im not even sure yet, im just rolling with the punches.

few things i have to say about this book:

1. i like to write in all lowercase, if u couldn't tell. so this story is going to be in all lowercase yea I don't care I'm defying the rules of writing sue me.

2. there are going to be a few deep parts in this book, ya know 2 people suffering loss and finding love and trying to cope & shit. it be like that sometimes. so if you aren't comfortable with pretty depressing stuff then I suggest you don't read it man. ya feel?

3. don't expect great writing all the freakin time. this is my first legit book or whatever so cut me some slack please and thank you. in return I'll try my best to give you some good writing material sometimes.

4. expect some slow updates bc im a hella big procrastinator.

all the love,
kylee💙