The Things I Won't Ever Say to You

The First Risk I Took (A Fantasy of You and Me)

"Can you play something for me?" I asked, heart pounding. I stared at him, daring him to say no. Oh god, if he says no...

I'd probably get turned down, refused. This would be awkward, this would hurt. If he rejected me, I'd have to suffer this humiliation for the rest of high school. Why did I ask this is the first place? We never even actually talked before today, so why?

I kept my stare hard and determined, refusing to show my jiggling nerves. But I was sure he could see how nervous I was.

He stared back. "Okay." He cocked his head to the side a bit, his eyes sparkling with amusement behind his glasses.

I blinked. "Okay?"

He smiled. "Why not? Come to the music room after school."

He accepted. He agreed. I smiled through my burning cheeks. "Okay," I said quitely, shyly.

Maven Zhang, an amazing violinist in my school. My academic enemy. The boy I had always looked up to, worked hard to catch up to. A boy I envy. My long-time crush. Maven Zhang agreed to play for me.

I was happy. Giddy.

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After school, I went. And there he was, as professional and envy-worthy as always.

I smiled tentatively. "Hi?"

"Hey," he said, violin in his lap. "Come on and sit anywhere."

I went. My legs were shaking, visibly, I was sure. I sat down in the chair closest to where I was standing.

"So," he said, "what do you want to hear?"

I bit my lip. "Anything?"

He smiled, seemingly completely at ease. "Okay." I see his throat bob as he swallowed.

I wanted to touch him. I wanted to put my head on his shoulder. Like that time in middle school at the Math Club, when my hair had lightly brushed against his arm, and he hadn't moved away. I want to feel that rush of calm and exhiliration and nerve jumbles.

I blinked. I was letting my mind wonder too far.

Maven started playing. His notes were rich, smooth, like molten chocolate. Warm, icy cold and elegant, hot and passionate, serenely calm. I wanted him to keep playing and keep playing and never stop.

I stared at his bow and his wrist. I was too shy to meet his eyes. But I wanted to look at him. I didn't.

His playing was so pretty. I wanted him to play for me again. I would really really like that.

But it had to end eventually. And when it ended, I could only say, "Thank you. It was really pretty."

Maven studied me. "Why do you always talk so quietly?"

"Um. Because. It takes up less energy that way." That didn't make sense. I knew, but it was probably on the better side of what I could've said.

He cracked a toothy grin. It made my heart skip a beat. "Really."

I smiled. "Really." I turned. "I... should be going."

"Hey," I heard him say. "You should come listen some time. I don't mind."

My reaction after reading this, something I wrote months ago:
Lololol. I was a nice writer but that definitely did NOT happen... Though it'd be sweet if it did.