The Underground Idol

"He's not like me."

I tried to watch TV while I waited,but the latest news on k pop wasn't helping to calm my nerves. I had arrived half n hour earlier just to take some time and try to calm myself down but I was getting the opposite effect of what I wanted.

It was really frustrating to try to focus on anything but the matter at hand, I wanted to know everything already and it was putting me on the edge how obsessive I was becoming with this. Still I wondered if I was in the right to indulge in this kind of information behind Zico's back. I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong but something about it made me sick with guilt.

"Are you ready to order?" A flower boy walks up to me with a note pad and a warm smile on his face.

"I'm still waiting on someone." I confess.

He gives me a sad smile. "I'll come by then when the person arrives." He pulls something out of his pocket places it on the table and scoots it towards me and then leaves. I take the candy he left me and smile at his kindness.

I guess I really must look as out of it as I feel.

I sigh, Jay was taking longer that I expected, I mean we had agreed to meet at the cafe a quarter after noon, but it was already about to be 1. I decided to text him to see what was keeping him. However he didn't reply which only made waiting even more agonizing.

I had told him I wanted to talk, I knew I sounded serious over the phone but still, Jay took a lot of work. Last night I wasn't able to sleep, neither was I able to eat breakfast, Zico wasn't there in the morning he left around 5. I pretended I was asleep when I heard the bed creak, I knew he was leaving and I tried anxiously not to jump up and ask him where he was going. He paced around the bed, coming close to me and leaned over planting a kiss on my cheek. But then he was gone and I was left alone in the house.

I hadn't asked where he'd gone but Jay told me over the phone this morning that Zico was going to have a meeting with the producer's of SMTM 4 to consult whether he'd stay on the show or leave. A part of me sighed in relief at the news but the other half hoped all would go well.

It was beginning to bug me the way I was acting. I was staring to become one of those insane obsessive girlfriends who have to stalk there boyfriends in order to feel safe in the relationship. I didn't want to be like those girls, which was why I had asked Jay to come and talk with me. If I was going to hear it from anyone about Zico's past lover I rather it be from someone that wasn't him, because it hurt seeing the guy I was head over heels in love with talk about someone I had no idea existed a few days ago.

Suddenly the all too quiet cafe, went into a frenzy when the doorbell chimed and someone entered. I could tell by the look on the female employee's and customer's that it must be Jay. I seem to forget the reason why Jay was so famous, I mean besides his rapping and singing, but if standing was the only thing Jay did on stage everyone would be just as mesmerized by him.

He took a seat across from me, a smile on his lips. "Sorry I took a while."

I shrug, now that he's here I want to get down to business, but Jay doesn't seem to sense the urgency in my eyes and instead calls the flower boy waiter over. "Can I get an iced coffee?"

The waiter takes his order down and heads back into the kitchen where they start making his coffee. "You look tired." He comments.

I knew how horrible I looked, I hadn't even bothered to do my make up or fix my hair, my outfit wasn't even matching. I just grabbed whatever I saw and pulled my hair into a bun and headed out. Still Jay had a habit of making me feel even more self conscious then what I already was. "Thanks." I say with a roll of my eyes.

He laughs at me. "Glad to see my opinion counts." He leans into the table.

"We agreed on a quarter after noon." I decided to not let it bother me how late he was, but I was on edge already and Jay's comment about my appearance just made it even more difficult to have a normal conversation with him.