For Keeps

5. Scarlett

It's been about a month since the day I actually met Luke. Our schedules pretty much look identical, so I've seen him almost every day. He is nice, sweet, handsome, caring... I really need to be careful. The way he looks at me stirs feelings deep inside. I can feel myself falling for him; which is crazy because I hardly know him, but I feel as if I can actually trust him.
As of lately, I can't stop looking at his lips. It surprises me  how much I want to kiss him. I feel like I'm sixteen again.

It's a little more than a week before Christmas and work is dead. It's been chaotic the last two weeks so it's kind of a nice change.
Karianne and Brett are sitting in two of the draw chairs and Luke and I are sitting in stools in front of them. We are listening to the latest attempt by Paisley and Stacey to get with Luke. I  have to smile that he doesn't like them. Most guys fall right into their trap.

"I think they follow me." Luke shakes his head. "I was at Target and they popped out of nowhere. They followed me around the entire store and kept going on about how we all need to hang out. I mostly tune them out, but they kept talking and talking. So I decided to tell them I was leaving and Stacey goes 'text us Luke. We are down for anything. I think the three of us could have some real fun... if you know what I mean.' " He says in a high pitched voice and winks.
"No she didn't!" Karianne almost yells.
"Think of all the things you would catch from them. I'm pretty sure Stacey was the one that started the STD outbreak last Summer." Brett laughs.
"I wouldn't put it past them! You know Jake in Family Practice slept with Stacey! He said it was disgusting. Like throwing a hotdog down a hallway." Karianne says and we all laugh. Like really laugh. Tears fill my eyes as I try to catch my breath.
"You're too much, Karianne." I stand and shake my head. "I need water!" I say and head to the break room still laughing as I grab my water from the fridge.
"I wouldn't want them ever, you know." Luke says from behind me.
"Oh really! And why is that?" I ask with my back still to him. He grabs his water and takes a drink.
"Isn't it obvious?" He asks quietly. I shake my head no.
As he puts his water back, he leans in close and whispers in my ear.
"I have a thing for brunettes." The proximity of him is intense. His words send a shiver down my body. His breath smells like mint and all I want to do is taste him. I push the thought away as I turn around, knowing he is gone.

I take a few minutes to recover before I go back out to the lab.
When I walk back in they are talking about Christmas.
"It feels like it was just summer. How is Christmas next week!" Karianne says.
"I know. My first Christmas in Montana. What do you all have planned?"  Luke asks.
I sit down in the corner chair. A safe difference away from Luke. He looks at me and I swear the fourth floor can feel my heart beating in my chest.
"Well Scarlett and I are working at five am. Since we don't have kids we thought it would be nice for everyone with kids."  Karianne says and she smiles at me. She wanted to spend time with Brett and Hope but didn't want to push anything. It wasn't until after we signed up months ago that he invited her.
"Hope and I are heading to my parents in Missoula on Thursday. I wish you two knuckle heads would have just came with me." Brett says looking between us.
"I told Karianne that. I'm fine working."
"I'll take your shift, Karianne. So you can go with Brett and Hope." Luke says.
"Really?!" She stands excited.
"Of course. You deserve to spend time with the ones you love." She runs and hugs him. "Thank you!"
"Thanks man. Hope will be so excited. She loves Karianne."
Karianne turns and looks at me with tears in her eyes. She has always wanted to be a mom, but they found a couple years ago that it might be impossible for her to carry a baby. Two days ago Hope asked Karianne if she could be her Mom. Karianne loves that little girl like she were her own. Spending Christmas with Brett and Hope is
where she belongs.
Plus, little does she know, on Christmas Brett is asking her to marry him. She is going to be so surprised and excited. Brett wants to spend his life with her. I couldn't be happier for my best friends. Seeing their happiness makes me want to let down some walls I've made. I deserve to be happy, too, and I can't help but think Luke might be that for me, but I need to take it slow. My last relationship has obviously fucked me up royally. It is the reason I'm so closed off, but I make it a priority to try to get to know Luke better.
I snap out of Scarlettland and look up to those green eyes looking at me.
"Maybe- um- well- maybe if you're not busy you could come to my parents for dinner on Christmas. I mean if you're not busy." Is he actually blushing?
"If that's okay with them..." I manage to get out. Kare is looking at me like I sprouted a second head.
"Yes of course."
"Give me your phone." I say and walk towards him. He hands it to me and I type in my number.
"You can text me. Or whatever. Let me know times and where... or whatever." I clear my throat and walk out the door. I know before she speaks that Karianne followed me out.
She puts her hand on my forehead.
"Are you ill?" She asks.
"No." I laugh.
"Then you must be an alien in Scarlett's  body...  SCARLETT! EARTH TO SCARLETT! CAN YOU HEAR ME IN THERE?!" She says loudly and taps on my head.
"Whoa crazy! Calm your tits! I'm fine. I just-I like him. Okay?"
"Well damn girl. I'm happy you are opening yourself up after everything. You deserve to be happy." She hugs me.
"I'm scared. Maybe he doesn't even like me." I say and shrug.
"Ummmm are you infuckingsane! Everyone knows he likes you. He's just waiting for a green light."
"Am I crazy for wanting something? It's hasn't been that long."
"Going on two years is longer than you needed. Go for it. Listen to Paisley for once and get laid for goodness sakes!" My eyes go wide and she bursts into laughter. I can't help but join her. Right when we stop laughing, Luke and Brett walk in.
"What's so funny, ladies?" Brett asks and grabs his Gatorade.
"We were just talking about when you cried watching Age Of Addaline." I say and smile big.
"Shut up. You cried, too. It was a good movie."
"It's okay, man. I cried, too. My mom made me watch it. It was really good." Luke defends Brett. It makes me happy that they get along so well.
"At least I don't scream at scary movies..." Brett looks at me.
"One time. Watching Insideous and you know the creepy thing is going to be there, but it still freaks you the F out when he is right behind the guy... shhhh." I explain to Luke and then pout.
"We should all watch scary movies tonight!" Kare exclaims.
"I work at five AM on the hospital side tomorrow." I say.
"I thought you worked a weekend already?" Karianne says.
"I did, but Josie asked if I could work her Saturday so she could go to Bozeman."
"Oh lame!" Kare pouts.
"I work tomorrow, too." Luke says looking at me.
"Well be prepared to be terrified. I will probably look like a zombie." I laugh.
"I seriously doubt that." He says.
"Okay. But don't say I didn't warn you." I say and walk out of the break room.
I'm not excited to work tomorrow with Luke while Stacey and Paisley are working. Although I do hope he hangs around me more. It's a nice feeling thinking he likes me. I find myself wanting to spend more time with him.
The rest of the day goes by in a slow blur. Luke tells us about more of his life. His parents divorce. How his sister, Lexie, actually married his best friend. Brett talks about his family in Missoula. He has four sisters and a younger brother. His parents being only children wanted a big family. He talks about Hope, and Karianne looks at him with such adoration while he talks about his daughter.
I don't volunteer much info about me. While I know Luke is curious he doesn't force anything. At 3:30 Brett and Kare get ready to leave for the weekend. They plan on picking up Hope and making some treats for the neighbors.
"Don't forget who your favorite neighbor is!" I call to Brett from the office.
"Of course not. Although I might have another favorite soon. And he won't make me watch girly movies that will make me cry." He sticks out his tongue at me while I look at him confused.
"Well I should hear from them soon. I hope. I need out of my parents house." Luke laughs and scratches the back of his neck.
"Oh you're moving by Brett and Kare?- and me?" I ask shyly.
"I'm hoping. Maybe we could car pool." He smiles.
"Okay crazy kids. Don't have too much fun without us." Brett says.
"By sweetie. I'll see you later." She waves her purple glove covered hand.
"Bye Luke! You let us know when you find out about the apartment." She winks. Oh Kare! She knew and didn't tell me. Trouble maker.
They stroll out the door together. Hand in hand. I smile to myself for the friends who have become my family and their happiness.
"Anything on your mind?" Luke asks behind me.
"No. Well yeah. I love that they are happy." I smile at him.
"I really like them." He says.
"Everyone does."
"I'm sure everyone likes you, too." He smiles kindly.
"Not so much." I walk to a chair and sit. He comes and sits next to me.
"I doubt that."
"I am not exactly- an open book. Everyone tends to be nosey and when you don't give them every detail of your life, they get... dramatic. I guess I am rude to their standards." I shurg.
"Well your life isn't their business. I mean yeah I want to know things about you, but I wouldn't be mad because you didn't want to discuss personal things. Hell, there are things I don't want to tell anyone. Shit I've seen. When you watch close friends get blown to bits, people end up wanting every detail of what happened. I just want to forget it. Ya know?" He looks sad. I reach out and grab his hand and give it a squeeze.
"I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm always here if you need to talk, but I would never push you to tell me things."
"Thanks Scarlett." He hugs me and instantly my heart rate increases. He smells so good; like mint and sort of musky. Manly.
As he pulls back his cheek brushes mine and my breath hitches. He pulls back far enough to look into my eyes. His eyes shift to my lips. Breathe Scarlett. I look at his lips and back at his eyes. He leans in closer. Do I want him to kiss me?
No.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
Yes. I want to kiss him a lot. I lean in. Right as I feel his lips barely touch mine, our bell rings signaling we have a patient.
I lean away and stand up. I can feel my cheeks flush.
"I'll get it." He murmurs and walks off. I sit back down and put my face in my hands. I can't believe I almost kissed him. At work no less. I realize it's too soon for this.
I make it a point the rest of the afternoon to not be alone with him. I sit and talk mostly to our secretaries, Shelbi and Madison, and listen to them talk about their boyfriends. Luke rarely comes out of the office. I want to know what's going through his head, but I figure I'll give it a while.

At six pm we lock up and head outside. He is parked next to me so I walk next to him without a word until we get to our cars. He stands by his truck but doesn't get in.
"I'll see you in the morning, Luke..." I barely whisper. He opens his mouth and then closes it again. He gives me a quick nod and hops in his truck and drives away. I stand there for a minute in the bitter cold watching in the direction he drove. I can feel tears start streaming down my face so I get into my car and drive home. After I eat and get ready for bed, I turn on the TV for background noise and dwell on the last part of my day.

Maybe today is just what I need to prove to myself that I'm just not ready.