For Keeps

28. Luke

August
I'm always so fucking angry these days. The smallest things set me off.
I miss the Army. I miss my friends. I shouldn't even be alive, but now I'm just a broken fucking civilian living in an Army town. At least I have Mandy, I guess. Things have been weird lately between us, but at least she's a good lay. I can try and forget my bull shit life while I'm buried inside her. Which I just was.
She stands up from the bed and stretches her naked body. She is pretty tall, like five foot nine, she has blonde hair that reaches her shoulders and her hazel eyes. Some times they look blue and remind me of the ocean.
"Where are you going?" I ask sitting up against the headboard.
"I made lunch plans with Brittney. You don't mind, do you?" She says putting on her padded bra. Those things are evil. It's like opening a present on Christmas morning only to find it empty.
"No it's cool, I guess. When will you be back?" I ask.
"Why? Can't get enough of me?" She says winking at me.
"Of course not." I lean up and kiss her. "Also, there's that BBQ we are going to today."
"Oh shit, I forgot. Sorry. Maybe I can swing by later?"
"Oh come on. It's all couples. I'll feel stupid going alone."
"So don't go." She says putting on pink lipstick in the mirror.
"I said we would be there." I say annoyed.
"Well I have a life, too. I'm sorry Luke, but Brit needs me."
I don't say anything for a few minutes while I think about our life, then I say, "maybe we should think about moving."
"Ummm why?" She scoffs.
"I don't know, because we live in an Army town and neither of us are military. We could start over somewhere fresh."
"I like it here."
"You only moved here because I got orders here."
"Yeah well I like it. Plus where would we even go?" She says teasing her hair.
"I don't know. Montana? My mom and step dad like it there."
She laughs. "I don't even know where that is."
"North. By Canada. It's like the fourth biggest state."
"Yuck it's probably cold there."
"Probably." I say even more annoyed.
"I like it here. Plus all of our friends are here."
"We can make new ones." I shrug.
"No thanks." She rolls her eyes.
I drop it.
"Love you." She says kissing my cheek with hers careful not to mess up her makeup.
"Love you." I say.
Then she is gone and I am left alone to dwell on my fucked up life.

Late September
She's out late. Again. I have sent her 20 texts easy. No response.
If I weren't so drunk I would go look for her.
Is she okay? Is she hurt?
This last month she has become even more distant. I ask her what's wrong and she says 'nothing'.
Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm so fucked up that I'm driving her away. I don't want to lose her. She's the only normal thing I have in this life.
I finish my last beer and text her again.

Mandy where the fuck are you? Are you okay?

I wait and wait, but nothing.
I turn on the TV and end up passing out on the couch. 
In the morning I wake up and walk to the bedroom where she is asleep on the bed still in her clothes from last night.
"Mandy." I shake her shoulder.
"What?" She mumbles.
"Where were you?" I ask.
"Out with friends, Mother. Fuck just let me sleep." She rolls over.
"I just wanted to know you were safe."
"I'm always safe." She giggles.
What does that mean? Confusion takes over and I feel like she is talking more than what I meant.
"What does that mean?" I ask.
Silence.
"Mandy?"
Silence.
I turn around and head out the door.
Something is definitely not right, but I don't know if I'm ready to find out what exactly that is.
So I try and shake it from my brain. It helps when Mandy wakes up later and explains that her phone died and tells me how sorry she is. It's even better with the 'I'm sorry blow job' she gives me.
So I block out the uneasy feeling and continue my day to day routines.

Mid October
I can't believe I forgot my wallet at home. I feel incredibly stupid leaving work to run home and get it.
On my way home I get a call from my mom who is trying to convince me to move to Montana.
"You'll love it here." She says.
Maybe she is right, but what about Mandy? Mandy won't want to go.
I stress over the idea as I pull into the driveway.
The red mustang out front catches my eye. Why is Vin here?
I've known Vin for a couple years. He is our friend in my unit who got put on Rear Detachment during my last deployment.
Before I enter the front door, my brain already knows what to expect.
I knew something was off, and even though I shouldn't expect the worst, I already know.
I go though my front door and hear Mandy laughing in the kitchen. I brace for the worst as I come around the corner and see his arms wrapped around her waist.
Panic covers both of their faces as they notice me.
"Luke! What are you doing home!"
I grab my wallet off the counter. "How long?" I ask calmly.
"I don't know what you-" she stammers.
"How. Long." I ask again. Still calm which is probably worse. I'm eerily calm.
"A year." Vin says and Mandy shoots him a death stare.
"Luke!" Mandy screams as I walk to the bedroom.
"I'm so sorry." I look at her as tears and mascara stream down her face. "I never meant for this to happen."
I pack my stuff quickly and put my key on the counter. "I'll send you my address. You can ship the rest of my shit."
"Luke please." Mandy stands in front of me.
"Goodbye, Mandy." I push past her and load up my truck.
I get in and press my most recent call.
"Mom?" I say. "Montana sounds like a good idea. Mind if I come tomorrow?"
I go to the work site of the construction job I was working at, grab my tools, and hit the road for Montana. 
I don't look back once.