For Keeps

40. Luke

She's been in the bathroom for over an hour. I want to break down the door and beg her to listen to me, but I don't. I sit on the other side of the door and listen to her cry.
I fucked up. I can't believe Mandy is here, and pregnant.
I'm going to be a dad. The life I pictured with Scarlett is seriously altered, but this doesn't mean we can't be together. Mandy got pregnant before I even knew Scarlett. We can make this work. I know we can.
Finally she unlocks the door and I open it quickly.
"I need to sleep." She says looking exhausted.
"Okay." I say and carry her to our room. I tuck her in and cuddle in next to her.
"I love you." She whispers.
"I love you." I say and pull her closer. "I'm so sorry." I can't hold the tears back any longer as I cry into her shoulder. She rolls over and pulls me to her chest, while rubbing my back.
"I'm so sorry," I say again.
"Shhh. Not right now." She says through her own tears.
We hold each other and cry until morning light streams through the windows. I slide out from her and call work. In all this time I have never missed a day of work, but today, I can't be there. I have to be here, for Scarlett, for us.
After talking to Betty, and turning off my phone, I crawl back into bed with Scarlett. She rolls into me and finally, I'm able to fall asleep.
It's been a long time since I have stayed up all night, and slept all day, and when I wake up, I'm disoriented. The bedside clock says 2:52 PM. I stretch out and Scarlett isn't in bed.
I frantically jump out of bed and run into the living room, where she is sound asleep on the couch. I breathe a little easier as I sit next to her and stroke her hair. I move to lay next to her and fall back asleep.
I wake up and feel like death. I'm dehydrated and I'm hungry.
"Are you hungry." Scarlett startles me from the kitchen reading my mind.
"Yes." I say and stand. She has a plate all ready with a huge glass of water. She cooked homemade chicken Alfredo and garlic cheese bread. I barely breathe as I scarf it down and get seconds.
She sits quietly and picks at her food. I don't think I've seen her take a bite, but I don't want to push her.
When I'm done, I sit with her and wait for her to talk.
"Please, say something. Anything, Scar."
"I don't know what to say." She shrugs.
"I love you." I say and grab her hands.
"You're going to be a dad. I feel like I should tell you congratulations." She smiles the saddest smile I've ever seen.
"I wanted this with you." I say.
"I know. But doesn't it seem like the universe is trying to give us a sign?"
"What do you mean?"
"Maybe we aren't supposed to be together." She wipes a tear that escapes down her cheek.
"No. No. Don't think like that. You are my future. We are in this together!" I say as I move to her side and hold her. "I love you. I love you so much."
"And I love you. But-" I crash my lips against hers in hopes that it will knock some sense into her. "No buts. We will get through this." I say as I pull back.
She nods. "Will you help me shower?"
"Yes." I say and carry her to the bathroom. I strip her down and take off her brace on her leg and the bandage on her arm. Since she had to have surgery on her arm, they couldn't cast her, so at least she can shower very carefully.
"You're arm is looking better." I say as I unwrap it.
"That's good." She says inspecting it.
I turn on the shower and let it warm up while I undress. I look at Scarlett and she looks so fragile. Her body is healing, but her weight loss is evident. It makes me want to cry some more because I can't seem to help.
"Do I look that bad?" She whispers as she tries to cover her body.
"God, no. I just wish I were helping you. I'm tearing you down and I'm not trying to." I pull her up in my arms.
"It's not you. I mean, not directly. I just can't eat. I just want to cry all the time."
"I wish this weren't happening." I say quietly.
"Don't say that. That baby didn't ask for this."
"I know. I know that, but I really don't think it's mine."
"You have to step up. If it comes back that it isn't yours, then you can say that, but until then, you're going to be a father." She smiles weakly.
"I wanted this with you." I say and step into the water.
"I know but sometimes life doesn't happen how we plan."
I set her down carefully and begin shampooing her hair.
"This feels nice." She smiles and I massage her scalp. I rinse her hair and wash her body. When I'm done she tries to shift her balance, and slips. I grab her upright and pull her up into my arms.
"Thank you." She says breathless.
"I'll always catch you." I say as my eyes search hers. She kisses me, slowly massaging her tongue against mine.
"Scarlett." I breathe and she deepens the kiss.
"I need you." She whispers.
I turn off the water and carry her to our bed.
The Fray is quietly playing Never Say Never on the radio next to the bed and I can't help but think how fitting it is.
I put her down gently, before hovering over her. I kiss her slowly, savoring her lips. She moves her hips up towards me and I smile against her mouth before I resume kissing her.
It's gentle as I push into her. She moans and pulls me deeper. I make love to her slowly. Neither of us rushing to finish. When we finally finish, we finish together.
"Luke." She breathes as she comes down. "I love you."
"I love you." I tell her and pull her to my chest.
I wait and listen to her breathing level out, and as I listen to her, I fall asleep, too.