For Keeps

15. Scarlett

I miss Montana.
It's crazy to even admitted that, but I do. I can't wait to get back to my life. To Luke.
My plan is working perfectly: I found a little apartment that I staged for way less than I expected. I have been shopping at places all over and within day one, I received a message from Angie saying Cooper pinned my location. It's day four and I just finished reading her message that he booked a flight here; tonight.
I need to be on my toes. I have the element of surprise, but he usually has a trick up his expensive, perfectly tailored sleeve.
I sit in the little café close to "my apartment" and remember what happened after my first escape attempt. It's some of my darkest days and I need to relive it.

Four and a half years ago.
It's been four weeks since I've spoken to Cooper. He is getting tired of the mute act. Apparently I'm annoying him with my silence.
I really can talk and nothing is as fuzzy anymore. My face still has bruising and the cut by my eye brow is pink. He has told me when my face heals we can get the scar taken care of.
I have seen Brady a couple of times and he can't look at my face. I flipped him off once. He saw that.
I have so many new presents it makes me want to barf and my new hatred of red roses is becoming evident. I tossed the last couple dozen in the garbage. I also try and sleep in the spare room, but every night Cooper carries me down stairs to "our" bed. Nothing is mine. I'm not even mine.
I pictured jumping off the balcony multiple times, but that seems too horrible. It makes me question if I really want to die. I want this to be over, of course, but death? I don't think so.
Now I'm sitting on the couch reading a book while Cooper yells at me and death seems welcoming.
"Stop this. Fucking talk to me. I've been good to you and you just act stupid."
Blink blink. Blink blink.
"Really? Nothing?! Maybe I'll make you talk!" He roars.
Here we go.
He struts over and grabs the book out of my hand and throws it in the fireplace. The pages instantly catch fire and it looks beautiful.
"Look at me dammit!" He grabs my shoulders and shakes.
I look into his cold gray eyes and wait.
"Say something!"
Blink blink. Blink blink.
I watch in slow motion as his hand connects with my cheek.
No tears come. No sound. I almost want to laugh and tell him I know he can hit harder than that. But I don't. I stay silent. He shakes my shoulders again.
"TALK!" He yells.
I shake my head.
Backhand to the lip. I taste blood. I'm getting used to this. How sad is that.
He picks me up and carries me to the bedroom. He throws me to the bed and paces the room.
"Just talk to me. Is it that hard!" He runs his hands through his hair.
I'm on the bed and it feels to intimate so I quickly move off the bed and head for the bathroom.
"Where the fuck do you think you are going?" He asks. I barely step onto the cold floor when he pushes me from behind. I fly hard into the floor length mirror. I hear a shattering sound and open my eyes. I'm on the floor among the million broken pieces of glass. The beautiful broken girl lies broken among the sparkling pieces of glass.
It's almost poetic.
It's only then when I try to sit up that I realize I have cuts on my shoulders and most of the right side of my body. They aren't too bad I don't think but I sit there looking at the red blood soaking through my white t-shirt. It's so bright I touch it and look at the wet blood on my finger tips.
"See what you make me do!" He booms from the doorway.
Before I stop it, a tiny voice replys.
"Then let me go." I say. He looks at me with wide eyes.
"She speaks." He leans against the door and crosses his arms in front of his chest. "And no. I won't. I love you."
"This isn't love." I say looking down at the glass.
"If you- well- I do love you. I do this because I love you."
"I don't think it works like that, Coop." I say and smile sadly.
"I do love you." He says.
"Okay." I whisper and I know he is talking but I am too focused on the broken glass I'm sitting it. It's so shiny, I grab a piece and look at it in my bloody fingers. It's a little bigger than a quarter, with one end wider and the other pointed. The tip is razor sharp with a tiny little hook.
Before my subconscious can chime in the run the sharp end long ways down my forearm down to my wrist. It's stings but the pain isn't bad. I look at the slice gushing crimson blood and just stare. I watch my blood hit the white tile then I watch as the floor disappears from under me.
Am I flying? I break my gaze from the blood covered tile and look up at panicked gray eyes. I realize he is yelling. Maybe he never stopped, but I'm too tired to care.
"Fuck. Scarlett. Jesus. I'm so sorry. What were you thinking!" Tears are streaming down his beautiful face as he grabs a towel and presses it hard to the gash.
I see Brady rush in out of the corner of my eyes and he instantly pales.
"What the fuck." He says.
"She slipped into the glass. Clean it up. I need a first aid kit!"
But Brady just stands there looking back at the both of us.
"Now!" Cooper shouts.
He brings us both into the huge shower and turns it on.
"Do I smell?" I say with a raised eyebrow.
"No baby. I'm trying to get all the glass off you." He says and kisses my forehead.
"Okay." I am so tired I rest my head on his shoulder.
"Don't go to sleep." He says.
"Okay. Just please don't hit me again tonight. My face hurts." I whisper. He looks at me with fresh tears spilling from his eyes.
"I'll never hurt you again. I swear." He kisses my mouth.
"Okay." I say. He sets me down on the floor while still tightly holding the soaked towel over my arm and takes off my clothes.
I'm only wearing a shirt and shorts so it's not too hard.
He runs his free hand gently over my shoulders, arms, and legs making sure all the glass is gone.
"I think it's gone." He says and I nod. "Can you stand and hold pressure on this while I get you a towel?"
"Yes."
I hold pressure even though I want to see the damage a little. I bet it looks ugly, but he thinks it stopped bleeding.
He returns wearing only dry boxers and with two clean towels and wraps me up.
"I want to put a dry towel on this, okay."
"Okay."
He unwraps the wet towel slowly and switches it but I close my eyes.
"Did it stop bleeding?" I ask.
"Almost."
He swoops me up and carries me to the bedroom. I notice on our way out that the glass and blood are gone.
He sets me down and pats my body off before grabbing one of his shirts and slipping it over my head.
"I need panties." I say embarrassed.
"Oh. Okay if you want them."
I nod.
He goes to get me some and then bends down to help me put them on. As he slides them slowly up he kisses small kisses up my right leg.
"I can't lose you." He says in between kisses. He reaches the top on my thigh and kisses slower. "You're so beautiful, Scarlett. I don't know what I would do without you." I can feel him moving closer to in between my legs. Seriously?
Luckily a knock at the door startles him. He stands and walks to it and I take that time to crawl under the covers.
I see Brady in the doorway holding a first aid kit. His eyes flick briefly to me and then down. They exchange some words and the Cooper shuts the door and comes over to me.
"Let's see the damage, shall we." He gets out gauze and tape.
I slowly take the towel off and peek at it. It's stopped bleeding at least. It's not pretty, though.
"Fuck." He mutters. He begins dressing it as I watch.
I look at this man and wish he were different. How can the heart love such a monster?
He finishes and places a kiss on the bandage. We sit there quietly for a while not saying anything until he breaks the silence. He clears his throat.
"Are you hungry?"
I shake my head.
"You've probably lost ten pounds this last month. Please eat something."
He is right. I don't think I'm too skinny in general, I have hips and curves, but my 130 pound normal looks pretty bad at 115.
"Fifteen." I say with a sad smile.
"See. Do you want Chinese? Pizza? Both?" He smiles.
"Both." I smile and giggle a little. I'm seriously mental.
"God I missed that sound." He says as he goes to take my chin in his hand. I don't mean to, but I flinch and he drops his hand.
"I'm sorry." I whisper. " I didn't mean to."
"I'm the sorry one. I'll change. I promise."
I nod. I am not sure he will change and I'm not sure I will ever love him the same, but I'm so tired that I just nod.
He slowly leans in and kisses my lips. I am confused by the kiss. Part of me wants to push him off the bed and break into a sprint out the door, but the other part melts as his tongue dips into my mouth. So I kiss him back which makes him intensify the kiss. He lays me back so I'm flat on the bed as he lies next to me. His hand rests on my cheek at first before it slides down over my shirt. He slowly runs his hand up my stomach to my breasts.
I hate what his body does to mine. I hate what his touch does. My nipples harden and in between my legs become damp. I want it to stop and don't want it to at the same time.
Maybe I do have brain damage.
His fingers roll my hard nipple in between them and a moan escapes my mouth which makes him do it again harder.
I involuntarily buck my hips and moan.
No. No. No. No. Shit.
"Wait." I say breathlessly. He stops kissing me, his eyes search mine.
"What?" He says against my neck. "Doesn't it feel good?" Yes. Yes it does, but I need him to stop. My brain doesn't function while thinking about fucking him.
"Yes. I just- mmm- I thought you wanted me to eat?" My stomach growls and he stops at looks at me.
"Oh. Sorry I'll order us food... if you promise to be my dessert." He smiles.
I just nod my head, close my legs, and sit up.
He disappears from the room and I turn on the TV. I find an action movie with Tom Cruise and relax against my mountain of pillows.
I pull my bandaged arm in front of my face and frown.
What did I do?
You are an idiot! My subconscious barks.
I can't disagree with you there, sister.
I touch my tender arm and feel the slightest bit of pride.
You're not the only one who can hurt me, asshole.

I finish my coffee and croissant as I look at my scarred arms. I hate them. I feel ugly all the time because of the scars, but they saved me in a way.
They show me I'm alive. They are a reminder of my past.
I exit the café and decide to look at some shops. I need to pick up more items for Hope and Kare. But before I hit the shops, the sound of waves catch my attention and I decide to walk down to the beach.
I love the beach. I find the waves and the smell calming.
I find a spot on the sand and listen to the waves as I breath in the salty air and remember an actual good memory from the last time I was here.

Four years ago
Cooper has really been trying to fix our relationship. He hasn't hurt me since the night I crazily cut my arm open six months ago.
Things have been going great. It reminds me of when we first met.
He takes me out all the time and we go away on vacations together. Even when it's for business, he brings me along. Last weekend we made out like teenagers in the streets of Rome.
This week we are in Nice, France and we might have just made love on the beach.
"I can't believe we just did that!" I laugh as we round the corner to our hotel.
"We can do it again if you need a refresher." He chuckles and tucks a crazy hair behind my ear.
I lean up and kiss his lips. "Maybe after a shower. I have sand in places sand should not be."
"Okay but we get to make love in the shower, too."
"Sheesh, stop or I'll think you like me a little." I roll my eyes.
"That's an understatement. I love you more than anything in this entire world." I blush at his words. "Don't belive me?" He turns towards the crowded café near us and yells, "I love Scarlett Shay more than anything! Even more than air, food, and se-". I clap my hand over his mouth.
"Oh my gosh! I believe you crazy flakes!" I laugh.
"Good. Because it's true." He tilts my chin up and softly kisses my lips. When he pulls back I smile.
"So about that shower..." I arch an eyebrow.
"Yes ma'am!" He laughs before throwing me over his shoulder and taking us back to our room.
That whole night we spend wrapped in each others arms listening to the waves crash against the beach.

I feel a single tear roll down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away as I stand and brush off the sand from my pants.
As I make my way back to the shops I can't help but think that even monsters can have some good qualities.
I smile at the memory as I round the corner and run smack into someone and drop my purse.
"Excuse me-" I start to say as I bend down to retrieve my purse, but my blood runs cold and I freeze when the familiar voice chimes in.
"You look lovely as ever, Scarlett. "
I slowly look up as his brown eyes lock on mine.
"Brady."