For Keeps

26. Cooper

Almost two years ago
She's gone.
I should have known one day this would happen. I fucking hate myself.
I read her note a hundred times over as warm tears run down my face.
The room is a disaster. Holes in the walls, the mattress is on the floor, the dressers are knocked over. I can't even feel the pain from my shredded knuckles I'm so numb.
She really left me. I'll never love anyone again.
I grab my phone and answer the incoming call.
"Anything?" I snap at Brady.
"We found her cell phone in the middle of the road smashed to pieces. That's it."
"No surveillance?"
"None."
"Find her." I hang up. "Fuck!" I scream.
I don't even know how to function without Scarlett.
"Please come back, Scar. Please." I say to myself.
I get up and grab my jacket and keys.
I'll find her if it's the last thing I do. I'll change for her.
I set out to find the love of my life.

Present

I saw her. For the first time in years I know she is alive. I almost forgot how beautiful she was. I cling to a picture Brady got of her on the beach.
Her hair is blonde, which is okay but I love it dark brown. Her eyes shimmer in the sunlight. I long to hold her, to kiss her lips, to hear her laugh.
I've changed and I need her to know it. I would never hurt her again.
I've been going to anger management classes for over a year. I lift weights almost every day to blow off steam. I will treat her right this time.
Since France, we haven't been able to find anything again. I know she has someone helping her, but I don't know who. They can't help her forever. I'm a patient man, I will find her. I have to.
I put her picture back on my dresser and continue getting ready for work.
I try to keep myself busy so I don't dwell on Scarlett, but she is always on my mind.
I go about my day like a zombie. I get everything done, but when I come home to our empty house I feel dead inside. I sit in her closet for a while and think. I left it exactly how she had it. I can picture her sitting at her vanity putting on makeup and laughing at me watching her. She never needed make up, she was so beautiful without it, but she always wore it when we went out.
Fuck I miss her.

I wish I could find her so I can show her I have changed. Even if I have to move on, she needs to know how sorry I am.
I read her letter again as I get into my empty bed.
"I love you Scar." I say in the darkness of our room as if she could hear me before drifting off into a restless slumber.