All My Stars

*Chapter 18*

That night after dinner, Harry was sitting in front of the headmaster. He received the letter while he was eating. Harry wasn't exactly excited for this visit. He was rather worried that he wouldn't enjoy this visit. He was right.

Seated in front of Dumbledore, Harry was delivered the worst news. "We wanted to tell you Harry. We were afraid you'd act... Well like this." Dumbledore explained as Harry gripped the chair handles so tightly his knuckles turned white. We? Harry thought. Who else knew? He slowly rose out of the chair and onto his feet. Very calmly Harry turned and left the Headmaster's office. He kept his composure the entire time. He walked swiftly down to Severus's chambers. He knew Sev wouldn't be there. He laid on his bed and let the tears roll down his cheek. He replayed Dumbledore's words over in his head.
You're a horcrux Harry. That's why you survived that night. That's why he can get in your head and you can get into his. You're connected!
It made sense. Harry wanted to deny it. Tell Dumbledore he was insane. But he couldn't deny it. Deep down he knew it was true. None of that mattered right now. Right now, all he could think was , Sev knew. He knew and he didn't tell me. Harry never felt more betrayed.

Severus was gone for an entire week. Harry was losing his patience with every second that ticked by. He started to skip meals. He would go to the library or stay in the common room. He didn't go back to Sev's room. Not since that night, nor had he talked to Dumbledore. He ignored Dumbledore's owls. He could potentially get in trouble for this but Harry didn't seem to care. Harry skipped Remus's detention. When Remus tried to confront him about it, Harry wouldn't say a word. He refused to talk to Remus. Harry assumed Remus knew about all of this too. Harry was pushing his friends away as well. They barely talked. It wasn't all bad. Out of concern for Harry, Ron and Hermione were talking again and Lavender was being slowly pushed out of the picture.

The second week of October rolled around and after seven very long days, Harry was pulled out of History of Magic by Severus who looked rather upset. "What's wrong with you?" Severus asked as soon as Harry was in the Hallways. "You haven't been eating? Ignoring Dumbledore and Lupin? You have everyone worried sick."
Harry just glared at Severus. After a few moments of uninterrupted silence, Severus pulled Harry into an abandoned classroom and shut the door. "I need to get back to class, Professor." Harry said coldly, making Severus raise an eyebrow.
"No. You need to tell me what the hell is going on." Severus stated sternly.
Harry was... Well he didn't have a word. He was morose. He was frustrated. He was a mixture of the two. He wanted to kiss Severus and slap him across the face. Neither seemed appropriate at the moment. Instead, Harry took a deep breath and looked Severus in the eye. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you all keep this from me?" Harry's voice was surprisingly steady.
Severus raised an eyebrow. "Tell you what?" He asked, making Harry want to scream.
"Dumbledore will explain." Harry mimicked. Sev's voice. "But you don't know what I'm talking about?"

Severus had to refrain from screaming at the sarcastic Harry. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Can you please just tell me what's going on so we can kiss and get over this?" Severus asked. Harry sighed and told Severus about the week. He started with Dumbledore's news.
"So I'm like half Voldemort and half me. My stomach is constantly turning and you knew. You knew about all of this and you didn't tell me. How could you?" When Harry finished there were tears dripping down his cheeks. Severus sighed and pulled Harry into a hug. "I didn't tell you because I didn't know." Severus whispered in his ear. Harry cried silently into his chest. Severus just held him and whispered 'Its okay,' over and over again. Severus wasn't just telling Harry it was okay, he was trying to convince himself. Severus spent a week helping the dark Lord create an army. Killing off anyone who wasn't loyal and finding others to pledge their allegiance to Voldemort. Severus spent the week hoping Dumbledore would explain that a war was going to happen soon. But he never knew about this.

After Harry's tears dried, he looked up at Severus and wanted to apologize for ever doubting him but Severus shook his head. He knew what Harry was going to say. It wasn't necessary. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you." Severus stated. He cupped Harry's cheek and brushed a few stray tears off his cheek. Sev kissed Harry's lips. "I would've rather been here with you. But I couldn't and I'm sorry. It's not worth it anymore. Being away from you so I can attempt to gather information for Dumbledore..." Severus shook his head and sighed. "Its not worth it. I'm done spying." Severus took Harry's hand and intertwined his fingers. He took one more look at Harry's tear stained face and his decision was made.

Severus walked out of that classroom proudly, with Harry's hand in his. Severus ignored all the stares and whispers. Harry's face was turning red but he didn't stop Severus. Fingers intertwined, Harry and Severus went straight to the Headmasters office.

Albus Dumbledore had his fingers steepled beneath his chin as he listened to Severus explain why he would no longer spy. Dumbledore had a small smile on his face. He expected this. He just patiently waited for Severus to finish. Harry sat in a chair in front of the desk and watched quietly.

Severus took a deep breath and concluded, "I won't do it. Voldemort is preparing to fight. I'm needed here."

Dumbledore nodded. "I thought this might happen." Dumbledore said. "I'm assuming the school knows now?"
"News travels fast." Severus shrugged.
Harry was letting it all sink in. Everyone knew now. Not just Ron and Hermione. Ginny, who still wasn't talking to Harry, Seamus, Neville, Dean. Draco. Harry wanted to face palm. He would never hear the end of this from the Slytherin.

The headmaster was now staring intently at Harry. Harry still refused to speak to him. Not necessarily out of Anger. He was just seeing how long he could wait this out. Harry stood and took Sev's hand. "Everyone will know by now." Harry was speaking to Severus but Dumbledore decided to respond. "I should go explain this to the Professors. You two go celebrate. This is a happy day."

Harry tugged on Sev's hand and pulled him out of the office. "How should we celebrate?" Harry asked as he was led to Sev's room. It was dinner time and the halls were empty. Not that it mattered anymore.
"We're going to talk. Celebrate later. I still don't understand why you are angry with Dumbledore and Remus."

Harry kicked off his shoes and sat cross legged in the center of the bed. "Same reason I was mad at you." Harry shrugged. "Keeping things from me."
Severus was standing at the end of the bed looking at Harry, trying to decide whether or not he should convince Harry to go apologize to Remus, or crawl across the bed and kiss Harry.

Severus eventually sighed and decided neither was appropriate right now. He kneeled on the bed and took Harry's face in his hands. "Whether you want to believe me or not, we all have your best interest at heart." Severus brushed his lips against Harry's. "Dumbledore, Lupin, you're friends, they're all looking out for you. Try to see that."
Harry wrapped his fingers around Sev's wrist and closed his eyes as he leaned into his hand. "Do you know how betrayed I feel?" Harry's voice dropped to a whisper. "Voldemort has to kill me."

A deafening silence fell over the room. Severus let his hands slide off his face and down his chest.
"Harry." Severus said slowly. "You are not allowed to die. Don't try to be a hero and think its your responsibility to save the world. Do you understand me?"

Harry did understand. But he just smiled. "We're supposed to be celebrating."

So they did. Or pretended to. They laughed and talked and pretended that everything wasn't falling apart but oh it was. Nothing good could last forever.

A/N: sorry for the shitty chapter. Prepare for your hearts to be ripped out.