Wake Up Call (English) #Wattys2016

Don't get me wrong I love you...

I opened my eyes once again to an empty bed, I looked across the empty room as I sat up and looked into the wall.

"Marshall?" I said monotonous, I repeated myself a little higher. "Marshall ??" I got up and went to the door and opened it, I walked to the stairs when I heard voices and stopped.

"I don't know what to do no more !! I just don't know no more ..." I peered cautiously from the top of the stairs, hidden me as good as possible so they didn't see me. Marshall pulled his hair in despair while Royce looked at his hands shocked. What are they talking about ?? "It's just too much to take for me right now ... I just can't do it, I fucking break her!"

"Man, you don't break her? You know Alex, she's as tough as always." Royce said gently.

"She was fucking hiding from me every night just so that I wouldn't see her cry! What the fuck is wrong with me !?"

"Now, hold up. Ain't nothing wrong with you! She was, of what I understand, protecting you from unnecessary cry--"

"That's the fucking problem! I don't want no one to protect me. I want it to be normal. But it can't be fucking normal, cause every time I look at her goddamn face and kiss her, I'm reminded of Proof! He brought us back together, man! Right now ... She's just way too much for me ..." He said sad and looked down at his hands in despair. "I don't wanna lose her, I don't know what the fuck to do ... I just wanna shut off every emotion, and I can't fucking do that when I have her around me! She makes me fucking nuts ..."

"Then tell here that then, that she's driving you nuts. She'll understand and wait for you to get ready--"

"Man, you don't get it!" He said, staring at him pissed. "I Don't want a relationship, I don't want no romantic stupid shit right now, I only want the physical!" My chin dropped and tears flowed down my cheeks. "I want to let off steam without having to think about her at all the next day, without considering that it hurts for her. I want only that." Royce looked at him wide eyed and coughed briefly.

"Back to the old days, huh ..." he said pensively. He met his gaze. "You gonna crush her if she knows that ... Don't let her know that last part man, y'all are meant for eachother and you know that ..."

"I know that, I fucking know that ... But I don't wanna fucking cheat on her neither..." Oh my god...

"... So you wanna break up with her for a period of time ..." he pointed out, Marshall looked up at him.

"Break up ..." he said. "Man, we've never done it properly ..." He said and then I couldn't bear no more. I tiptoed back into the room and lay down in bed, hid under the covers and cried and cried like crazy, until I went completely out of tears and my eyelids closed.

_________________

"Alex ..." I heard faintly. "Alex ..." Little higher this time, someone shook me gently. I opened my eyes and met his gaze. He looked nervous ...

He wants me, but doesn't want to hurt me, he doesn't want a relationship right now with everything that has happened ... This went on repeat in my head and I decided to just pretend like nothing, pretending I didn't did he just wanted to have sex with girls just to have sex with them ... To get out his anger and frustration...

"Hi ..." I said tired and yawned, he smiled briefly and looked down at his hands. "What's up?" It sounded like I strangled a yawn, but I really just held my crying inside ... He cleared his throat and met my gaze.

"Don't get me wrong, I love you ..." He started, I got big eyes. "I ... This is gonna be hard ... I ... With everything that's going on at the moment ... All these things happening, I don't think ... I don't think a relationship is suitable ..." He said quickly, I looked him in the eye. I thought it was strange that I didn't cry, now that he was actually telling me... "At the moment ... I don't feel ready for it, and ... Uhm ... But I love you, don't doubt that ... I just think that we, we should just stay friends for the time being ... I don't wanna lose you, you mean ..." He coughed nervously and his voice trembled. "You mean the world to me, it doesn't matter if we're dating or not, you mean the world to me and you always will. But right now, I don't see me being in a relationship with anyone ..." He met my gaze. "I'm so sorry ..."

I really didn't think I was going to do what I did now, I didn't know I had the spine to do it. But I said yes, I nodded. As if I actually understood it, which I partially did, yet not ...

"I understand, I'll ..." I coughed briefly. "I'll wait for you." I said and nodded, he looked at me surprised and got tears in his eyes while he pulled me close to him in another hug.

"I'm sorry ... I apologize for this ..." he said, and something told me that what he apologized for, hadn't happened yet ... But something who was going to happen soon, which I suppose includes many drinks and girls ...