Wake Up Call (English) #Wattys2016

Just trust me

"Alex ?? Alex ?? You there?" I had been silent for a long time, should I tell him..? "Alex !!" I jumped and coughed briefly.

"I'm here ... I ... Uhm ..." I hesitated and he could tell, his voice changed quickly.

"Alex ..?" He said gently, he heard the fear in my voice and stopped contrary to wander restlessly around the room, his footsteps stopped, he stood still. His mind was completely focused on me rather than pills and all the drugs he "needed" to be able to function normally. "What's wrong?" I swallowed hard and shook my head, I let a tear drain. I was afraid, a low whimper escaped my shaking lips. "Alex, baby ?? Come on, tell me ..." He said softly, I let out a sniff and looked into the wall. I sighed as I wiped the tears, trying to keep myself together, but it was always him who held me together ... And he was busy keeping himself together rather than being there for me, which I desperately needed right now...

"It's nothing." I said quickly and sniffed again, my lip trembled. He was silent on the other end a moment before he spoke.

"Why are you lying?" His voice was as soft and mumbling. "Tell me ... Please ..." I sniffed again and squeezed my eyes shut while tears flowed.

"I can't." I finally said, my voice cracked while I sqeazed the phone in my hand hard.

"Of course you can, I'm here for you ... What is it?" Again with an equally soft tone of voice, soft as velvet while the words came out of his mouth. "Whitegirl ..." I let out a small sob.

"I don't know yet, okay ..." I mumbled.

"What is it that you don't know?" He said gently.

"Everything." I sniffed again, I'd say it, but I was afraid of how he would react. He's already got Hailie, Alaina and Whitney ... What if he says I have to get rid of it since he knows he's not gonna have time to help me with it??

"Alex, you can tell me everything. You know that right?" I bit my lower lip.

"I know, Marshall ... But this is something I believe you won't handle right now ... I'm sorry ..." He was silent for a few minutes.

"I can handle anything as long as I know I'll have you by my side." He said quietly. "Please, don't let whatever it is eat you out ... Tell me ..."

"I won't visit tomorrow!" I say quickly and just waited for him to be pissed at me.

"That's okay, you have better things to do..." He said quietly, no ... Don't think like that. "I'll be fine, don't worry about me. Why aren't you visiting me tomorrow, baby?" I swallowed hard, he makes it so hard .. !!

"I'm going out ..." No. FO FUCK SAKE.. !! "Not on a date!" What the hell, SHUT UP!! "Oh God, I'm sorry ... I'm not going on a date, I'm sorry." He said nothing. "I promise you, I'm doing an important errand ... It's not with anyone but myself ..." I heard a sigh from him.

"Why can't I know this errands fucking name then." He said mad, I just bursted into tears, goddamn my emotions are everywhere. "Oh shit, I'm sorry ... Alex ... Please don't cry ..."

"It's fine, Marshall ... I'm fine ... If I say I'm going to the doctor to get my monthly check-up, would you be fine then?" I wiped the tears and looked into the wall in front of me.

"If I would be fine ?? I'll be fine when I know the truth about why you're so sad and won't talk to me about it!" I let all feelings aside. Hid them from him.

"Do you trust me?" I asked quietly, no sympathy in my voice, what can I say ... I have learned from the best ... He heard the change in my voice and was silent for a moment. "Do you trust me, Marshall?" I asked again.

"Of course ..." he muttered in reply.

"Then trust me on this ... Believe me ... No matter the outcome, you'll be the first one to know ..."

"What do you even mean by that ?? What outcome ?!" He said quickly.

"I love you, I gotta go now. Okay?" He sighed a little annoyed.

"Yeah, fine ... I love you too, and I'm always here for you! No matter what! You know that right ??" I nodded.

"I know, I'm sorry I can't tell ..."

"You have your reasons ... I trust you on this ... You know I have trust-issues ..."

"I know, I'm not gonna misuse your trust, I promise ... I love you." I smiled lightly while I sniffled.

"I love you more ... Promise you'll call when you're done with whatever you're doing tomorrow?"

"Of course ... Bye ..." I smiled, he sighed briefly.

"Bye, I love you ..." he said and hung up, slowly I took phone away from my ear and put it against my chest while I let the emotions get the upper hand again. I felt so bad for not telling him, he's my boyfriend, he should know what goes through my mind at any time ...

But right now he has so many other things to think about, he's gotta focus on stopping his addiction. He shouldn't have to worry about me too, at least not when there's nothing to worry about, yet ...