Worth Living For {Completed}

Chapter 10 | My Heart is an Empty Room Without You

          After about an hour later a Doctor approached us. "Are you two here to see Stan Marsh?" she asked us. I stood up quickly and stood next to the Doctor, studying her complexion and facial expressions.

          Butters shot out of his seat and faced the Doctor, Kenny grabbed his coat and stood up as well. "Yes!" Butters cried out, "I-is he okay?" he frantically shot at the Doctor. Kenny's wrinkles at the side of his eyes shining. My heart started to beat faster, my hands growing shakier and my legs almost collapsing underneath my weight.

          The Doctor sighed and cupped her hands in front of her stomach. Kenny's eye creases disappeared, along with her smile. "D-doctor?" he swallowed hard, stuck in a frozen and hopeful position.

          "I'm sorry" she started. "His heart stopped beating, and due to his internal bleeding we were worried of rupturing something" she sighed, her voice growing quieter "We did all we could, Stan Marsh is gone"

           My legs crumpled underneath my weight. In slow motion I fell to the ground, my knees making contact with the dirty ground of the waiting room. In my head the beeping sounded, the sound of the high beeps on the heartbeat monitor growing closer and closer together until they are right next to each other to form one solid line. A line that stopped beating from the no attempts at helping.

          My breathing grew rapid and I pounded my fist into the ground, slammed it against the ground in sync with the dry heaving sobs escaping my throat. No tears came, just the loud sobbing and screaming.

          "STAN!" I yelled, over and over, screaming his name. Then the memories like with my Mother and Father pulled me in.

          The feel of his light kisses of my neck, his protective kisses on my forehead, his kisses on my lips. The little presents and gifts he would buy me. The pop tarts we once shared while sitting on his roof. 

          The feel of his hugs consuming you, pulling you into his comfort from the large sweatshirts he would always where. The pendant, the silver chain with my birthstone in the middle at the end of the chain. 

          His stupid jokes, and goofy faces, the glasses he needed but never wore, always sitting on top of his dresser. His smell, always like candy grapes, so sweet. Sweet like his personality. 

          The loving look he always gave me, would anybody ever love me again like that? The same book he read over and over again, The Hobbit. The special way he would hold my hand, his fingers laced between mine and his thumb running soothingly over the top of my hand.

          All I could hear was the beeping of a heart line mixed in with the empty sound of sobbing, never filling my entire hearing, always in the background.

          My sat up and felt tears on my cheeks, tears I didn't even know had fallen. Butters was hugged up against Cartman's chest, holding each other in a close embrace, as if not even an earthquake would be able to pull the two apart, would I ever have love like that again?

           No, of course not, Stan was your one and only, your true love, now he's gone, you have nothing to live for, the same evil voice mocked into my ears, just give up now.

          Ike, you have Ike, Ike needs you, the softer voice reminded me.

          My head shot up out of my knees, the single word shooting through my brain, Ike.

          "Ike Broflovski is in the ICU, you can see him now" the Doctor coughed, trying not to be rude and interrupt the grief.

          Butters was released from Cartman's tight grip. He sniffled hard, and using his sweater to wipe away the tears staining his cheeks.

          Ike. My mind whispered, and with pain holding me down to the ground I held up my teary eyes and followed Butters, Kenny and Cartman.