Breakeven •Ashton Irwin•

Two

Dearest Ashton,

Here I am once again, thinking about you. Thinking about the way you left me. Thinking about how things are changing everyday. Basic things like The seasons and the way I think about you. Summer is approaching and I wish I could bring myself to go down to the beach and sit down there for hours.

I remember when I hated the beach. I hated getting the sand all over my body. it would just stick to everything. But you, Ashton. you made me change my mind. All those times you convinced me to sneak out of the house whilst my mother was sound asleep and together, we would sit down underneath the moonlight and watching the twinkling stars. We would listen to the waves crash up against the sand and be at peace.

I want to relive those moments and do that again with you, Ashton. but I can't. You left me and now I'm just praying to a god that I don't believe in and waiting, wanting my prayers to come true. I remember how we used to run through the sprinklers out in the back garden. your laugh making me weak at the knees.

Oh what I would do to hear you laugh again. or to see that smile of yours. to stare into your hazel eyes while you told me all about the stupid little things that you would do. The things  that I was too scared to do. Do you remember that one summer in 8th grade? we went down to the beach and walked for hours on end until you found that cave. The one you asked me to explore with you?

I was so scared and didn't want to do it. but as you put your hands on my cheeks. as you stared me dead in the eyes and whispered 'there's nothing to be scared of, I'll be with you the whole time. Holding your hand and when your ready to leave we will.' I was assured. I still didn't want to do it, but seeing your smile and the look in your eyes. I changed my mind.

We stayed there for ages and afterwards we kept coming back there every few days. I remember when I told mum that we were going to camp there. She didn't want me to but your words and the look you gave her changed her mind. You were good at changing people's mind with your eyes.
Sitting on the rooftop staring out into the ocean isn't even the same anymore. all the laughs we had made the days feel wild and just maybe, made life worth living.

I haven't done anything like that since you left. I can't bring myself to do it on my own. It was our thing, Ashton and ours only. now all I have is the memories of those days. They say that memories last forever but some memories I don't want to remember. Others I want to last my lifetime.

If there was something I could do to erase the bad times I would. I never had a bad day when you were around, Ashton. they were always good. But since the day you left everyday has been a bad day. well most days anyways. I need you Ashton, I need to see your eyes, your smile. I need to hear your laugh again.
Just once.
I love you Ashton x

Yours sincerely,
Nina x

Written by Jodie

Edited by Jasmine

Hey
Jodie here the other writer.
Happy reading

~Jodie Clifford xoxo