Breakeven •Ashton Irwin•

Three

Hello again, Ash.

Another day, another dawn has passed. More seconds of our lives have ticked on Since the day I started writing you these letters. Even more since the day you left. Once again, I am seated here. In that hidden corner of my bedroom whilst I messily write you these useless little notes on lined paper as if they can magically fix everything.
I know they can't. Nothing will ever fix my heartbreak or the severe pain of missing you that I feel now. But for some particular reason, I cant seem to stop writing them.
It's getting the better of me Ashton!

Today was dads birthday, and As tradition, Sadie, Gracia, Noah and I went up to visit him. I know I've got to be strong during this annual event, for them. It's not easy on two six year olds and one eight year old to visit their father on his birthday. After he just left them like that.
It's also not easy on an eighteen year old girl to think about you, after you left her like that.

You left me like that.

Time and time again, I think the fact that if I had have done things differently, Could I have changed the fate of us, and that you'd still be here with me? Maybe, just maybe, if I was a better person you would have stayed.
Whilst I think about this I also realise the truth of the matter. You still would have left me. No matter what.

There's a quote I read. A good quote as such. It states that "before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger. And the people you'd take a bullet for, are behind the trigger"
I now understand that quote and all it's worth. I would have taken a bullet for you Ashton. But in the end, you were behind the trigger.

You shot me down and left me for dead. I'm trying to pick up my broken pieces one by one, on my own.

Gracia is wriggling in the seat beside me as we ride the train over to dads. She's got bored in this last half an hour. In all honesty I don't blame her. the small, innocent mind of a six year old is prone to boredom. It's inevitable.

I stare out the window and watch a bird fly by. Such peace, such freedom. Oh how I wish I were a bird. Oh how I'd long for the priorities of these three small Devils to be taken away from me. oh how I long for the hassle of having to visit dad to be removed. Oh how I wish the pain of losing you would disappear

I hate it Ash.

It's all your fault.

But for some reason, I don't hate you.

Yours truly,

Nina x 

Written by Jasmine

Edited by Jodie

Xx