Breakeven •Ashton Irwin•

Four

Ashton,

Another day has passed, another day
where I have hardly seen any sunlight.

Mum had been doing it tough recently. she doesn't think I know, but I do. I see it in her eyes. All I want to do is get a job but nobody will want to hire me. I look terrible, I have hardly worn makeup since you left. I remember when you would always tell me I don't need it, I look beautiful, but I always knew you were lying.

All of my days are turning into one. As the months pass my feelings are getting stronger and I don't know why. How can my feelings towards you be getting this severe? You left me, like my dad did. The only reason I'm  pushing through for my siblings.

My heart is broken Ashton, cause when a heart breaks, people may think it breaks even and the heartbreak is equal on both partners behalf. but no, it don't break even. My heart is shattered into a million pieces that nobody can fix. you might, if you came back. but we are all aware that that's not going to happen.

I keep remembering back to the day when we were 16. mum always thought you were a bad influence on me. she would never let you into my room, thinking I was going to get hurt by you. She was right, I did get hurt by you. It took me hours to convince her to let me hang out with you and to get you into my room just so we could lay on my bed and talk for hours.

Now I lay on my bed and cry thinking about the talks we had. you told me about all those girls you liked, that hurt me a lot. It would make my heart break because I could never tell you how I was feeling about you, I always thought you would laugh in my face. I'm starting to think I should have told you. I should have told you how I felt and maybe now, it wouldn't be such a big weight on my shoulders.

Life isn't the same and it will never be the same. There are some days where I have almost given up, I was so close, so close. Then I hear your words running though my mind 'smile even in the toughest times, a smile is the best thing you can wear.' So I put on a fake smile and everyone believed it was real. nobody can see behind the smile. only you and you alone would be able to see.

This isn't goodbye Ashton, this is until next time.

I love you

Yours sincerely

Nina

Written by Jodie

Edited by Jasmine

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