Now You're Gone

Chapter 6- Visitor

"Ugh! Austin, wait!"

"How am I just supposed to sit around and watch as you cry because of his stupidity."

"Stupidity?" I question, wondering what was so stupid about him.

"It was stupid of him to let you go." He states matter of factly.

I stand there with a lost look on my face.

"What?" He asks running his fingers through his hair.

"You-I- um... Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you say that to me?" I could feel tears building up, gah, I'm such a crybaby.

"Hey, don't cry." He walks over to me.

"I need t-to go h-home."

"Um, okay, I'm sorry if I said something..." He seems worried.

"N-no, you did nothing wr-wrong."

"Okay then." He says as he leads me to his car.

I get in, adjust my seatbelt, and we drove the few miles back to my house in silence.

When we get there, I thank him and get out. Once I see him pull away, I walk into my room and turn on my music and lose it.

"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel."

Scars by Papa Roach is playing and it reminds me of my past. I look down at my exposed thighs and see my scars, I look at my wrists and at my stomach and just think what each one was for, because I deserved them all. I cared tok much, and I still do. There is one that has the faint outline of a heart on the side of my thigh, I did that when I first had my heart broken by Tyler, its the worst.
I care about people that don't care about me, I'm involved in a lot of one sided relationship.

The next song that came on is Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day, "I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone."

I think about all the times my mom was supposed to be there for me, all the times a little girl needed her daddy, but he wasn't there. I've always been alone, in my mind. Sure, my brother cares about me, but he can't be there with me every second of my life. Yeah Anna-Lee is always there for me, she just can't magically hop into my brain and hear my every thought.

All these songs I listen to, they put my feeling into words, they describe my thoughts. They help me through the night. Music is my therapy, music is my life.

If someone were to go through my pictures, they would find quote after quote, song lyric after song lyric because that is how I express myself.

When finally calm down, I go take a nice hot shower and let the water wash away my thoughts. I look at my body again, at all of the faded scars. I haven't done it in a lomd time, and I'm proud of myself, I'd hate to relapse.

I was in a really bad place for a while, and sure, I still am, but I'm a lot better than I used to be. I used to think that Tyler would like me better if I were skinnier so I wouldn't eat for days. Then I thought he would like me better if I was prettier, so I piled make up on my face. It didn't work, so I felt I deserved the pain, and I delivered it to myself. Yeah, yeah yeah, I get I shouldn't have done it, but I did. What's done is done.

Anyway, after I finished my shower, I got dressed and went into the kitchen to heat up some leftover food from last night's supper. We had macaroni, baked potatoes, and steak. It was good.

As I put my food in the microwave, I feel a buzz coming from my back pocket. I reach for my phone to check the text message when I hear my front door bust open. I grab the nearest weapon and creep out of the kitchen into the hidden corner by the staircase to the attic. As I hear the footsteps come closer, I tighten my grip on the frying pan, ready to whack someone. As the person walks by, they don't even notice me in my hiding spot, which is good, because I don't want to hit one of my friends with a frying pan. As the person turns around, my eyes almost pop out of my skull.

"No way." I whisper loud enough to make him see me.