A Ship Without Sails

Chapter 24

"Eat up, eat up!" Daisy's overly-cheerful voice encouraged Shayna as they got to the buffet tables of the restaurant. Shayna wished she could be hungry- the conversation earlier had zapped all of her hunger away. She looked at Daisy to tell her she wasn't hungry, but her older sister's bright smile made her take a plate and spoon various foods on it instead.

"What did Ms. Thorn want?" Mrs. Blackburn asked once they had all sat down. Shayna and Daisy exchanged a glance, silently agreeing not to tell their parents.

"She just told me to help take extra good care of Shayna," Daisy lied smoothly. Shayna smiled and nodded, but it wasn't so much a smile as to her lips curling upward. She couldn't feel anything, just like when she and Kurt had parted ways. The food she managed to choke down was tasteless and mushy, the conversations around her just background noise. Her brain felt fuzzy and muddled up. By the time they left, Shayna couldn't tell if she was alive. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be.

"Shaye? Did you hear me?" Daisy's voice cut through the fog of Shayna's mind.

"Sorry," she said, giving herself a shake, "I was totally spacing out."

"It's cool. Um..." Daisy looked at their parents, then continued, "The funeral is coming up. Like, tomorrow. Do you want to come home beforehand?"

"Yes, please," Shayna replied, feeling coming back to her. Daisy smiled widely and said, "Great, can't wait."

Shayna was dropped off back at the hospital and walked to her room by Daisy. "Don't think about what Astrid said," she reassured her little sister. "I'm sure she's just desperate for a lead. See you tomorrow, okay?"

"Mmhmm. See you."

Shayna sat down on her bed, unsure of what to do. She kicked off her shoe, brushed off her cast, and laid on her bed, propped up by her pillows. She took out a book and read until a knock came from the door. The knob turned and she was looking into very familiar blue eyes.

"Kurt!" she gasped. Her fingers flew to her hair and she frantically finger-combed her hair, then stopped, remembering she shouldn't care what he thought of her anymore.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, feeling defensive. She couldn't quite look him in the eye for more than a second or two- his emotions were a mess, a hurricane of guilt and worry. It made her feel sad. Without replying, Kurt strode up to Shayna's bed and planted his lips on hers.

Shayna's mind exploded. What's he doing? Should I kick him? I thought he didn't like me! I was a mistake! In her internal chaos, she didn't realize that she was kissing him back. When he pulled away, his face stayed close to hers.

"What was that?" Shayna demanded, trying to be defiant. She felt her face burning, ears completely red. Kurt blinked, then his face turned red, too, as if he had just realized what he had done. He stumbled backwards, his expression stricken. "Sorry, Shaye. I don't know what just happened. I-I'll go now."

"Kurt, wait!" Shayna called to him, trying to get off of the bed. Her cast weighed her down, and she stumbled. She grabbed the corner of her bedside table to keep from falling, straightened herself, and glanced at the door. Her eyes met Kurt's, and he darted out of the room, as if he hadn't wanted her to know he had stayed to see if she was okay. The thought of him still caring warmed her, but the sting of him leaving made her freeze, and rethink her feelings.