A Ship Without Sails

Chapter 14

They walked to the park in silence, their hands touching every now and then. It was growing darker but neither of them made any mention of going home.

When they arrived at the park, it was at least 6: 30. Shayna had put on her cardigan and was hugging herself, clutching her elbows with her cold fingers. She couldn't tell if it was the October night chilling her to the bone or the swirling of emotion wreaking havoc on her body.

"Wanna sit or something?" Kurt asked, his voice cutting through the stillness of the dark. Nodding because her voice refused to come out, they sat down on the bench overlooking the deserted playground.

"Even though it's October, it's pretty cold, huh?" Shayna murmured, trying to warm her hands with her breath. Kurt didn't reply.

"It was really warm earlier today, though. Weird, isn't it?" Shayna kept talking. Kurt stayed silent.

"Of course, October is such a transition month from fall to winter, isn't it?" Shayna continued in a low voice. Kurt remained quiet. Finally, Shayna gave up.

"Why are we out here?" she asked, clenching her jaw and pulling her legs up to her chest, hugging them.

"I need to be with someone who understands, just a little," Kurt said under his breath. Shayna tried to swallow but she couldn't.

"Oh," she said in a small voice, barely audible.

They sat there for a while, the only sound their shallow breathing the the distant sounds of cars. Neither wanted to break the peaceful silence. They were content with looking up at the dark sky illuminated by the stars and the company of each other.

Around the time Shayna's eyelids began to droop, Kurt's hoarse voice rasped, "We should go back."

Shayna blinked, then broke out of her dreamlike trance like a swimmer resurfacing for air. "Yes," she said softly, "I guess we should."

Slowly, the two of them stood, stretched their stiff legs, then sighed. "I don't want to go back," Kurt said, voicing Shayna's thoughts. "Everyone in school will know. They'll think... they'll think I killed her. Why can't everyone be like you?"

"The world would be a terrible bore if it was filled with just me," Shayna stated flatly. Then, in a sudden rush of heat to her face, she felt the pressure in her chest rise through her throat, pushing hot tears out of her eyes. She sobbed silently.

She was so used to crying alone, she had forgotten Kurt was even there. So when she felt his arms pulling her close to him, she was scared. It was when she felt his head rest on her shoulder, she felt safe. It was then she realized that she was at home when she was with him. Maybe she had fooled herself since she met him as children that it was a brotherly love. Maybe she had locked away her feelings when Kerry had started dating him. Maybe she had always known she would never beat her sisters to him. But she knew now for sure: she loved Kurt.