The Contract (complete)

Baekhyun: Chapter 17

"What?" You blink, completely taken off guard.

"We should break it," he reiterates. "Lose it. Cut it off. Let's go home. Let's go home right now and get rid of our copies," he says firmly, standing up and pushing the chair back.

"Wh - what?" You stammer. You're so confused and disoriented that you can barely function. Belatedly, you stand up, as well, and try to stop Baekhyun. "Wait, what are you saying?"

"You don't want it anymore, right?" He asks you. "And we don't need it anymore, do we?"

"Is that a trick question?" You say, trying to buy some time.

"I'm being serious," he notifies you. 

"But how ... what are you saying about us not needing it anymore?" You stare at him, trying to understand his actions. He keeps his eyes on yours, but there is little you can do to identify the emotion that is coursing behind his dilated pupils. "Baek ... I ... is it because ... you want to date ... for real?" Your voice comes out in a weak whisper, and you hammer your chest with a fist to try to get the lodge in your throat. You feel vulnerable after saying those words. That could have easily been taken as a confession, which is probably how Baekhyun is interpreting it. He's not responding at all, at least not in a way that's visible. His eyes are still stable, and when he opens his mouth to speak, the blunt, flat tone succeeds in disappointing you.

"No," he says. And then he turns away, refusing to look at you. You watch him helplessly as he walks toward the door. You wish you could interpret his mind by staring at his receding back. He pauses right in front of the door, slightly turns his head, and mumbles, "You can tear it up when you go home." After leaving those words in the frigid air, he pulls the door open and walks outside.

You remain seated for what feels like an hour as you try to process what had just happened. You stare at Baekhyun's old wallet resting on the table. You reach out and finger the fading leather, running your hand over the unravelling threads. You wish you hadn't given Baekhyun that new wallet. You wish you hadn't bought it. Maybe if you hadn't felt considerate, this moment would have never arrived.

Break the Contract? So is it over, just like that? 

Is this what it feels like to break up with someone?

Is it even right for you to feel this way at all, when you were only dating him under the circumstances?

Are you being selfish?

Are you being insecure?

Or are you simply acting the way a rejected girl should?

None of this makes sense, and your mind takes futile spins. Your thoughts burrow and scurry, and all you can do is vainly try to grasp an idea before it scampers away. You tighten your grasp on the wallet and try not to think about Baekhyun. Baekhyun and his idiotic smile. Baekhyun and his easy charm. Baekhyun, always the recipient of your shin kicks. Baekhyun, your best friend. Baekhyun, the boy who kissed you. Baekhyun, now the unofficial ex-boyfriend.

Getting a headache from this confusing logic, you grab your things and exit the restaurant. You would rather not have any witnesses when you start to crumble.

-----

Was school normally this socially stressing?

You don't remember it being like this. Or maybe you've simply forgotten what it's like to be on the bottom. 

For the first time since you've met Baekhyn, you don't know where to sit for lunch.

He's sitting at the table he normally does, his head nodding off as if at any minute, he's going to fall asleep. One of his friends is sitting beside him - the one who had invited you guys to the karaoke - and is vivaciously illustrating a story with his hands. Baekhyun smiles and chews, just smiles and chews. You grip your tray and debate whether it's okay to sit down next to him like you always do, or if you should find another place. You consider your options, trying to find an appropriate substitute, but no other table appeals to you. It's always been with Baekhyun that you've been sitting. Suddenly having your status confronted disconcerts you, and as you try to make a decision, a recognizable figure sidles her way toward Baekhyun and sits at the exact spot you always sit.

You shouldn't feel jealous, but you do. All you can think about is how that's your spot. It sounds selfish, and you know it does, but you can't help but process it that way. Min gives him an ecstatic wave, and Baekhyun just smiles back. He's constantly smiling, constantly pleasing everyone. Just once, you'd like to see him sport a different character. Just once.

Min notices you and, with a confident smirk that you find irritating, she turns to Baekhyun and loudly asks, "Baekhyun, where's your girlfriend?"

Baekhyun glances behind his shoulder to see where you're standing. Surprise flickers in his eyes, but the emotion immediately disappears, and in its place is that blank look that is far too stale to be comprehended. "We're not dating," he says, turning back to his food.

"What?" Min asks, genuinely surprised. She stares at you, then Baekhyun, then back to you again. "When the heck did this happen?"

"Recently," Baekhyun answers, keeping clear from directly stating any details. She wants to ask him more questions, but instead she remains silent and eats her food. Baekhyun's friend watches you with a guilty expression on his face, as if he had done anything wrong. Not wishing to see anymore but refusing to be labelled as an outcast, you walk right up to them, slam your tray on the table, sit down, and start eating.

Min stares at you as if she can't believe you would have the nerve to do that. Baekhyun doesn't even look at you; he's so busy inspecting his food that the anatomy of a vegetable is apparently far more interesting than your presence. Your vibe must not be formidable enough. 

You're truly agitated, and it's not just about the Contract breaking, either. Before Baekhyun was ever your fake boyfriend, he was your friend. You crossed that thin line that divides friends from couples, and now that the line has been smudged, you don't know whether recrossing it is the right thing to do, or if that act is possible in the first place.

So what now? Are you back to being strangers again?

You don't really want that to happen. You like Baekhyun. Sure, you like him in the romantic sense, but you like him in a friendly way, too. You'd prefer not to go back to being acquaintances. You'd prefer not having to rebuild a friendship that's lasted for years. A part of you even prefers the Contract hadn't been created in the first place, just so you wouldn't have had to realize your feelings.

You're free to date him legitimately now, but you can't date someone when they don't reciprocate your feelings.

"So you're single?" Min squeaks. Baekhyun doesn't reply, and she takes his lack of an answer as assent. "Does that mean ... "

"That doesn't mean he likes getting confessions, Min," you butt in. She ignores you and leans forward, her shoulder brushing Baekhyun's. Is it cruel that you want to push her off a cliff right now? Probably.

"Well," she smiles, "It's good to know."