A Questionable Fate (boyxboy)

Chapter 17

So sorry that im so horrible to all of you. I realize I update randomly and I can understand how annoying that can be. SO from now on I plegde to update better and not have three months of no updates. :))) Hope you can enjoy and forgive me!

Kotta

Being at the feeding pit use to always get me excited and get my stomach rumbling. Now... Now I hate the damn place. The Alpha and his close family sit at the front of the room on a raised platform and all can see every movement that each family member makes. 

Nicolai use to complain about it all the time, saying how annoying it was that he could never have any fun during the meals. He was constantly watched and now so was his Bloodrem Quinn who sat right next to him like he was royalty himself. Fucking human halfbreed. 

I stared at the halfbreed and wondered what Nicolai saw in him that could possibly be mistaken as potential. Sure, the guy was attractive and he defiantly grew some muscle since when he first arrived, but he wasn't any bigger or any faster or anything better. I looked down at myself. Shirtless with my navy blue shorts on and barefooted. I tugged at my silver hair and tried to picture my light grey eyes. I was a grey wolf. A rarity now that the pack I had been born in was destroyed by humans. That pack had been the only one left with grey wolves in it. And now it seems i'm the only shifter with the gene left. 

My kind were known for there strength and speed. The Alpha was expecting to be impressed with me when his brother Daydron had saved me and told everyone I was grey. They had all been disappointed. I had been so weak and fragile. I had been traumatized and I still wake up sweating and panting from the nightmares. If it weren't for Daydron... 

"Kotta?" 

I look up to see Juxo and Cloudy. "Hey guys." I say quietly. I feel so disconnected. I hadn't really spoken to any of my friends for a few months now. I had once again become the outsider of this pack. 

Juxo took a seat and out of the corner of my eye I saw him motion an awkward Cloudy to sit too. Cloudy reluctently sat.

"Whats been up with you?" Juxo asks. 

I look up at him but decide I can't make eye contact so I look back down to my plate. 

Juxo lets out a breath, "Please...Kotta, please just talk to someone. I get that you don't like Quinn and you miss Nicolai but--"

"I'm fine. Nicolai can do whatever he wants." I cut in. 

"We all miss him Kotta. It's not just you that's a little jealous of Quinn." Juxo says calmly. He's always been so good to me. Always so understanding.

I winced at the word jealous. How ridiculous to be jealous of Quinn. I wasn't some nancy that let myself care about stupid things like this. 

"I'm fine Juxo. Just...leave me alone." I whispered the last part almost hoping he wouldn't leave me alone. I needed his friendship. I needed Nicolai's friendship as well. Without my guys I was so off balance with my whole world. I felt completely alone. Completely shoved aside.

Juxo shook his head and he and Cloudy stood and left. I wanted get up and throw the table across the room. I wanted to have an outburst and make Nicolai see me, and make Daydron want me, and make the Alpha approve of me. 

I stood up quick and gripped the edge of the carved wooded table. I imagined what it would feel like to pick the thing up and hurl it away from me. I imagined the power and the juice that I would feel flow through my veins as everyone noticed me and realized I was something to fear. To respect.

Instead of following through with it, I turned and stalked out of the room. I was headed back to my place and I planned on stripping and falling face first into bed where no one could bother me.