If Only Tears Could Move Mountains

Chapter Two

Everybody is probably under the insinuation that this book is going to be dealing with all of the issues that evolved because of the incident. That's what I call it, "the incident". Cane claims that he asked me if I was sure about having sex with him and that I responded with, "yes I'm sure". I don't recall any of that. I don't recall ever even having sex with him. Let alone telling him I wanted to do it. So I don't know if I was raped. I feel like I was, of course. I don't truly know though. What if I did say yes? But that's not what this book is about. That particular story is for another place and another time. I really don't even feel like going there. But start feeling like going there, I will. I just never know how I'm gonna feel. After that event I just allowed men to do whatever they wanted. If I got into a heated sexual situation with a guy I just didn't say no. Even though I didn't want to do it. I didn't say yes either. It's kinda tricky. I never ever wanted to have sex with any guy. Like never. They all pressured me to do it and I just didn't have the strength to say no. Or I just got tired of fighting them off of me so I'd just lay there, get up, and never talk to them again. Straight hate their guts for making me a sinner. Then I met Lee. Lee R. Holy. I HAVE TO TELL YA'LL ABOUT LEE! What a weird name for a black guy right? Yeah well that was his name. He was the first and only guy that my heart, mind, and body desired to be imitate with. He was weird. Extremely weird. He wore what he wanted to wear but boy did he have a sense of style. I mean he could make the craziest combinations look flawless. All different types of patterns and prints. He had the largest collection of Jordan's I'd ever seen and he kept them clean. Which says something about a guy. Nobody wants to be standing next to a man with dirty sneakers. At least not me. I met him one day in a science class. This class was the worst. We would walk in, the teacher would hand us a packet, we'd sit down and "complete" the packet, turn it in, and get credited for a full day. It was a complete waste of my coins, if you ask me. Anyway, that's where I met Lee. He was so tall and handsome. A dark skinned handsome guy. That isn't what attracted me to him though. It was his inner strength that I could feel. He was so confident in himself. The way he walked in. He just was true to who he was. You know how you can just look at a person and say to yourself "he tryna be somethin he's not"? I never got that vibe from Lee. So once we turned in our packets in science class, we had to sign in on this tired piece of paper. Lee was in front of me. As he finished signing in, right before he turned to leave, I snatched his pen. What??? I needed a pen. He just turned and looked at me with this weird smile. As I signed the paper I started to think"did I do to much?". As I walked out the room and turned down the hallway I noticed him. He was standing there waiting for me...
Lee: "Can I have my pen back?"
Me: "Uhh"
I am so stupid with boys! He must've noticed my awkwardness because he broke the silence and lightened the mood.
Lee: "You just snatch people's pens?"
Me: "I'll return it, if it's that big of a deal."
I kept walking and he followed me.
Lee: "Well I'm waiting"
He stopped walking. So I stopped walking too. He held out his hand.
Me: "I said I'd returned the pen. I didn't say when."
Lee: "But it's my pen."
Me: "I don't care. You had it out in the open."
He started laughing. I felt relaxed. I felt like he understood my sense of humor and my toughness. Growing up without a dad I never really knew how to interact with guys. When I really wanted to give a man a hug or kiss, I punched him. Or play fought with him. That was my form of love...un-necessary aggression. Some people understood that and some people didn't. The people who didn't I just ran off, unintentionally.
Lee: "Girl, give me my pen back."
Me: "No."
Lee: "I said give me my pen back."
Me: "What happens if I refuse?"
Lee: "I don't know. I haven't decided yet"
Me: "Well, get back to me when you decide. So I can weigh my options."
Lee: "Are you always this sarcastic?"
Me: "It depends."
Lee: "Depends on what?"
Me: "Stop asking me so many questions."
Lee: "Whatever. Keep the pen."
He started to walk away. I thought to myself how I was always doing and saying too much. How overly aggressive I always came off. But I decided to fight it.
Me: "Where you goin?"
Lee: "To find another pen. I recently was robbed of the only one I had."
I laughed. He smiled. I liked him already. He was such a breath of fresh air. I guess I had drifted off into space because I heard his voice raising.
Lee: "Uh, hello?"
Me: "Huh?"
Lee: "I said where are you going?"
Me: "Wherever you're going"
I called my self trying to be flirtatious. A whole hot mess. I regretted saying that as soon as the words left my mouth.
Lee: "Come on..."
We started walking and talking. It was about 12 noon when we first started walking. When I tell ya'll we talked about any and everything you could imagine, that's what I mean. We talked about campus life and what Santran really needed to be legit. We talked about all the issues that our University had.We talked about how fake people can be and how materialistic the world has become! What I loved the most was how the conversation never reared toward sex. I sincerely appreciated that. Guys today can't hold a conversation without referring to sex at least once. It seems like that's all they know how to talk about. All of our views were similar and we laughed so hard it hurt. I was enjoying him so much that I lost track of time...
Me: "O shit."
Lee: "What?"
Me: "I have volleyball practice in a half an hour!"
Lee: "What's the problem? You gotta half N hour to cross the street."
I started to grab my things.
Me: "It's not that simple. My coach she's a stickler. She believes in 15 minutes prior. And I mean like ready to go at 15 minutes prior, not running in the door."
Lee: "Well it was nice talking to you. Wanna exchange numbers?"
I thought he'd never ask.
Me: "Yea sure."
We exchanged numbers and he walked me to the gym. I thought about him the whole time while getting dressed. I thought about his crooked tooth in the front. I pictured his smile in my head over and over again. I imagined his weird smile. I thought about all the interesting things he said. All of the concepts he stood by. I couldn't get him out of my mind.