If Only Tears Could Move Mountains

Chapter Fifth-teen (Final Chapter of Part One)

Dear Diary,

Last night was my first night sleeping in Lee's room. It was so clean, he made sure his roommate wasn't there and everything. I felt so special. No guy has ever made me feel so special. Things with Lee have been going so well sometimes it feels unreal. Sometimes, I find myself asking God what I did to deserve such a beautiful and loving type of guy? Ever since "the incident" I haven't been myself but Lee, without even knowing, helps me to be my true self. I am so comfortable around him. I don't know if this is love, but it sure does feel like it. When he calls or texts, my heart drops. When I open the door and he's standing there, my feet feel week. He makes me laugh from my soul. Don't get me started on the fact that he loves shopping if not as much then more than I do. He feels like my best friend not just my lover. The other day we went to the park, the park is about 7 minutes away from campus. There's this big waterfall and so much green space. There were frogs and snakes, even people walking their dogs. Lee started taking pictures of me and I started posing. I am smiling just thinking about it. I took a picture of him kneeling on this big ole rock with the waterfall behind him, the picture looked so good. He's so into pictures. He's so into fashion. He's so kind spirited. Everything he gets for himself he gets for me as well. He always texts me throughout the day. I joined the debate team, the debate team is extremely prestigious here at Santran. I'm really busy now-a-days. I see parts of the University that most students never see. Sometimes Lee doesn't understand that I am not ignoring him, I'm just extremely busy with the debate team, volley ball, and my other studies. I don't know how to ensure him that he is amongst my priorities. He's at the top of my list. Honestly, I really don't know what I'd do without him. Maybe two weeks ago, Lee was acting kinda of funny towards me. I picked up on his vibes and questioned him about it right away. Come to find out, one of his friends is friends with the group of guys that Cane hangs with. They told Lee, I was a liar. That I lied about getting raped. I guess Lee was in his feelings because I had never told him anything about "the incident". I never felt comfortable enough. Truthfully, I never felt like it was relevant. I felt like I had left that incident where it belonged when I started dealing with Lee, in the past. I never thought Lee would approach me or start acting different towards me because of something he heard without ever giving me a chance to explain. The entire situation made me look at him differently and feel differently towards him. I told Lee how he made me feel, he apologized a thousand times. I told myself I was going to cut him off cause I didn't want to be around people who didn't want to help me move forward. I made a mistake but I didn't deserve to be bashed about it for the rest of my life. Lee and I talked for hours in my car, it was cold that night too. We literally talked for hours. I think it was our first serious argument. We made it through it though. That night he stayed at my apartment and I told him everything. I told him about the molestation as a child, I've never told any guy that. I admitted everything about "the incident", even how I was sexually active with Cane afterwards. I cried so hard and all he did was hold me. He admitted to me things about his childhood that I would never tell a soul, that I would never  even write down anywhere. I felt so close to him after that night. I felt like we could get through anything. I felt like God had mercy on me when he sent Lee. My days were starting to be longer and longer, I couldn't wait to get back in Lee's arms every night to tell him all the bull crap I'd experienced throughout the day. He'd give me the best advice. He would wake up in the mornings and go to get me Chick Fe Le, I loved their food. Lee makes my life complete., I swear he does. I don't know how I'd be doing or surviving without him. My mom loves him! He's the first and only guy to ever meet her. I want him to meet my dad. I don't know why but for some reason I'm craving my dad's approval. Or his validation of my love for Lee. I don't know, I have to see. I have to remember to be patient with Lee and myself. I'm really trying not to be as bullheaded as I have been my entire life with Lee but sometimes its just too hard. Sometimes Lee can be very insecure. He thinks I'm flirting when I'm really handling business. He thinks I'm flirting with every guy and he thinks every guy wants me. His friends don't make it any better. It's extremely overwhelming when I am taking so many precautions to show him he's my number one! I just need to pray more. Pray for God to keep us strong through whatever we may go through. He's my best friend in the whole world. I love him, with everything. Life is so good right now, I have so much to be grateful for. I mean yes I'm busy and tired almost all the time, but I'm learning about so many different things. I'm evolving. I'm figuring out who I am and where I stand on societal issues. Lee is by my side, when I have a good or bad day, even when we argue, we're back love making (okay so yes, we recently started having sex) I have got to get to all this homework and Lee just walked back in the room so I have to tend to him. I'll write in you soon. XOXOXO

India