If Only Tears Could Move Mountains

Chapter Thirteen

Person: Why do you have to be so pretty?
I was sitting on a bench, writing in the journal Mrs. D'Sek gave me. I was looking down so I could only see the persons shoes. The way they posed the question was as if they truly wanted an answer. I didn't even bother to look up.
Person: Do you know why?
It was a familiar voice. I looked up and smiled. It was Lee.
Lee: Theres that smile...
He started shaking his head.
Lee: You're beautiful Maori
Me: Thank you.
Suddenly I remembered how he treated me in the cafe and how he made me feel. I recalled how he never called after our darn near eight hour conversation. I got emotional.
Lee: Why are you looking at me like that?
Me: Because I can't believe you.
Lee: What is it that you can't believe?
Me: How stupid you are.
Lee: Why I gotta be all that ?
Me: Because you are.
Lee: Why though?
Me: Why didn't you call me?
Lee: I just been real busy.
Me: Everybody is busy. President Barack Obama is busy, you don't think he makes times for his wife?
Lee: Oh, you're my wife now?
Me: I didn't say that.
Lee: But you basically did.
Me: Well we'll never know, now will we?
Lee: Why do you say that?
I just looked at him.
Lee: Don't stop talking now. You just had a mouthful a minute ago.
Me: Are you always this sarcastic?
Lee: Are you always this sarcastic?
He was mocking me. I started laughing.
Lee: Look at how perfect your teeth are.
Me: Can you please stop?
Lee: And your hair..
Me: Oh my Goddddd
Lee: And don't get me started on your skin!
Me: I'm done.
I was just joking but I started packing my book bag and acting like I was really over him. I can be so dramatic. As I'm packing it, he snatched my book bag right out my hands.
Me: Give me back my bag.
Lee: Or what?
Me: I'm not playing with you.
For some stupid reason I couldn't stop giggling. I was irking my own self.
Lee: I'm not scared of you Maori.
I looked at him with a smirk.
Lee: I like you Maori. I don't wanna fight with you.
He was just staring at me. We were sitting there staring at one another for what seemed like forever.
Lee: What do you say?
Me: What do I say to what?
I was playing dumb. I knew exactly what he was talking about.
Lee: Maori, stop playing with me.
He started playing in my hair.
Lee: What is it going to be?
Me: I dunno...
Lee: You don't know what?
I just grinned.
Me: I mean considering you're inconsistent, idk what to say. You're saying this right now and then the next week or so I won't hear from you.
Lee: Don't be like that.
Me: Don't be like what?...real?
Lee: I'm just saying. I gave you an explanation. You either take or leave it. You can't dwell on it.
Me: Well I choose to leave it.
Lee: No you don't..
Me: Yes I do...
Lee: No you don't.
Me: Yes I do...
Lee: We'll see..
Me: We will.
Lee: You just gotta have the last word, don't you?
Me: Sure do..
He mumbled something like "smart ass mouth", but I couldn't completely make out what he said.
Lee: Take a walk with me..
I didn't budge.
Lee: Girl, get up!
Next thing I know, he was pulling me up off the bench and practically dragging me wherever we were going. At first I was just walking but then I started noticing where we were headed. We were walking  towards the student on-campus parking lot. For some oblivious reason I started feeling like he was going to take me somewhere and rape me. I just kept seeing him bashing my face in. I stopped walking.
Lee: What's wrong?
I didn't say anything I just stared, not in any particular direction either. My eyes were just roaming.
Lee: Maori, talk to me.
Me: Its nothing.
Lee: You're safe with me. You don't have to worry about any of that...
I cut him off.
Me: Any of what?
Lee: I didn't mean anything by it.
Me: Oh
Lee: Please come with me?
He was soooooo sooo cute 😍 & not the type of cute where's he's fighting with you over the mirror either. He had a raw handsome-ness. I felt like I could trust him.
Me: Okay...
We started walking. Next thing I know I felt this big and warm hand. We were holding hands! I was feeling a hundred thousand different feelings. There was this brutal silence but it didn't make me feel uncomfortable.
Lee: Uh I gotta tell you something...
Me: What?
Lee: I don't really have a set destination.
I didn't really feel uncomfortable with the fact that I had gotten into a car with a guy that I hardly knew. During the car ride I purposely allowed my mind to drift. I noticed the trees turning into shapes then I noticed all of the trees merging together, in like a big green blob. I noticed how comfortable I was in his presence. My body didn't feel stiff; how it normally gets in the presence of a man. My mind wasn't memorizing street signs to ensure I could get back from wherever we were going. I heard soft music playing. I couldn't make out who was singing the song but I appreciated the music. I pulled my phone out because I wanted to see if it could tell me who sung the song. I wanted to know who the artist was so that I could listen to it on my own time. I loved loosing myself in the music. Not necessarily interpreting or connecting the words to my own life but simply listening. Right before I could click on the app, I felt his eyes on me. His spirit was so loud. I could feel Lee and with due time I'd be able to interpret his thoughts or his feelings without him having to say a word. That's how I was. I desired to be deeply connected with people. Whether the relationship was platonic or romantic, even business/professional. That was my goal with every person I met; to deeply connect. I looked up from my phone. He looked at me in the eyes, then his eyes grazed my lips, then he was back to looking me in my eyes.
Me: What's wrong?
Lee: Nothing.
Me: Then why are you staring at me?
Lee: I don't like phones.
Me: What do you mean?
Lee: I don't want you on your phone when you're around me.
Me: Why? What's the big deal?
Lee: I want all of your attention on me..
I cut him off.
Me: But it's not like..
He cut me off.
Lee: Don't cut me off while I'm talking and especially don't cut me off while I'm answering a question you asked.
I just stopped talking. No man has ever told when I could or couldn't speak. Part of me wanted to ask him who did he think he was and then the other part of me wanted to just be quiet. But fuck that! Who did he think he was talking to? I went to open my mouth to give him a piece of my mind but before I could even get one word out, his finger was over my lips. His hands were so soft. They smelled so good.
Lee: Don't get defensive Maori.
My body tensed up and I had to tell myself to relax.
Lee: Just hear me out.
He grazed the side of my face. He put his hand back on his side of the car.
Me: Ok.
Lee: When a man is talking, you let him finish his thoughts without interrupting him. No matter how passionate you feel, you can't disrespect me; or any man for that matter. It doesn't look right. You're too beautiful for that.
I was taken back. He made me re-evaluate. Very few people do that! He was staring at me again. I stared back.
Me: Ok Lee.
He turned and kept driving. I sat in the car thinking about how he got me to shut up. Nobody can get me to shut up. I speak when I want to be speak but he taught me to be quiet. I didn't feel like he was coming at me either. His approach and tone was smooth. Besides, he was right. Black men are constantly silenced. Especially here in America. Why should I be apart of silencing them in any way? He taught me something that a normal girl would learn from there father. But my dad was one of those "when it's convenient for them" types of dads. My parents were divorced before I turned two. Mom moved back to Maryland and my dad stayed in Deleware. I suppose my dad did the best he could do as a dad, I don't really know. All I know is he was in my life when it was convenient for him; not when the electricity was cut off or when we lived in a shelter for nearly a year. I started playing volleyball because he loves sports. For too long I thought he absence was associated to the fact that I was a girl and not a boy. So I did things that made me appear and feel more masculine. I thought that by loving the game, that it would provoke my dad to love me. When my theory was proven wrong, as it was; I started playing the game for sheer fun. Inevitably, my love for volleyball became disassociated with the idea that by playing volleyball my dad might be inspired to love me. Fathers play a huge, unmeasurable, and imperative role in their daughters lives. The absence of them prevents basic understanding in normal interactions with men, i.e. how to talk to a man. I heard Lee's voice, I must've completely drifted off.
Lee: Maori...Maori...
He seemed concerned. I'd been drifting off a lot since "the incident".
Lee: What were you thinking about?
Me: How'd you know I was thinking about something?
I was stalling. I didn't necessarily feel like having that particular "black girl and absent dad" discussion. Didn't feel like explaining my disability with dealing with me and how I felt it was associated to the absence of my father. He was staring at me again.
Me: I wasn't thinking about any particular, Lee. I swear.
Lee: What's your biggest pet peeve?
That question caught me off guard.
Me: I've gotta ton of pet peeves.
Lee: Well name one.
Me: Ummmm
I couldn't think.
Me: You go first.
Lee: Liars.
Me: What is your definition of a lie?
Lee: Anything that holds no truth?
Me: So if it holds some truth then it isn't considered a lie?
He smiled a slight smile. I picked up on the fact that he was calling me a liar for saying that I wasn't thinking of any in particular. So I decided to be as sarcastic as he was being and started to play his little game...
Lee: Let me rephrase what I said; anything that isn't completely true is a lie.
He emphasized the word completely. I started thinking of a way to get around it. He interrupted my thoughts.
Lee: Instead of tryna find a loop whole in what I'm saying; why can't you just answer my question?
Me: What question?
I decided to play dumb.
Lee: Stop playing with me Maori.
Me: Why does is it matter what I was thinking about? Why are you concerned to this capacity? Why can't you just accept that I'd rather not say what I was thinking about?
Lee: Just answer my question.
I sucked my teeth.
Lee: Why are you sucking your teeth? That's so ghetto.
I sucked my teeth again.
Lee: What was the point of that?
His toned changed.
Me: The point of what?
Lee: The point in you doing exactly what I just asked you to stop doing.
Me: Because I can. What's the problem with me sucking my teeth? What's the big deal?
Lee: It's ghetto.
Me: Okay Lee.
He was starting to piss me off.
Lee: You need to stop being spiteful. If I ask you to stop doing something, don't keep doing it just to spite me.
He started lecturing. I started daydreaming. I started daydreaming about him and I bickering when we were older. We had on matching wedding bands...wait why was I thinking about being married to this guy I barely knew? I mentally smacked myself. His voiced snapped me back into reality.
Lee: Maori are you listening?
Me: Yes Lee, I'm listening.
Lee: Then what was I saying?
Me: You were saying how being spiteful is ignorant and a waste of my energy.
Lee: Oh okay.
I shut him up. He smiled. Suddenly we pulled up into a small parking lot. I looked around and noticed a sign that read "Streeters". I saw people walking in. Everyone looked stylish. Nobody seemed extra dressed but nobody seemed bummy either. I heard him taking the keys out of the ignition. He turned the music all the way down before he turned off the car. He pulled down the mirror, adjusted his hat, and kinda examined hisself. He was a really clean guy with a style beyond his years, in my opinion. He was handsome too, really handsome. I secretly admired him as he prepared to get out of the car. He opened the door and was half way out the car. I went to open my door as well..
Lee: Don't touch that door. Don't ever touch it again.
Before I could rebel he was on my side of the car, opening my door. I got out of the car.
Me: Thank you.
Lee: You're welcome beautiful.