If Only Tears Could Move Mountains

Chapter Six

Coach: Maori, after practice I need to speak with you.
Oh God, what does she need to speak to me about?
Me: Okay Coach.
After practice I walked into her office. It was practically a whole in the wall. A nice whole in the wall though. On the white board there were a list of names, all my teammates. Above the list of names read "people who have my books". My name was up there too. My coach was always loaning her books out to people especially her players. She was a good coach with a good heart.
Coach: Sit down.
I sat down and put my phone in the basket on the desk.
Coach: Thank you for putting your phone in the basket.
She had this basket on her desk and required you to put your phone in it whenever you came to talk with her. It didn't bother me none.
Coach: How are you?
Me: I'm good Coach.
Coach: Are you sure?
Me: I'm positive.
Coach: How are your classes, are your teachers working with you?
Me: Yes, ma'am. They are.
She was referring to the fact that I had missed nearly three weeks of school because of "the incident".
Coach: How's that Spanish teacher treating you?
Me: He's fair. I guess.
Coach: What do you mean, you guess?
Me: I didn't mean anything by it Coach.
Coach: Has he been giving you a hard time?
She was becoming to suspicious for my liking. It was making me uneasy because I had already withdrawn from the class. It wasn't that it was too hard it was that the class was one of my most advanced courses. It was one of those classes you had to be present for. It was becoming too stressful and there was no way I was going to be able to pass the course. So I chalked it. But I didn't feel like having that particular conversation at this particular moment.
Coach: Maori, answer the question.
Me: Coach, I'm telling you everything is good.
I didn't feel like all of this. Besides the truth was bound to come out sooner or later.
Coach: Ok. I needed to check in with you. How are you feeling you?
Me: I'm okay.
Coach: What does okay mean?
Me: Considering the circumstances, I think I'm doing fairly well.
I know how to avoid confrontation. I also knew how to say what people wanted to hear. I continued..
Me: I'm readjusting, getting back to my every day regiment.
That was something I read in a magazine. "Rape victims need regiments to place themselves back into society because emotionally they may be removed"...I can't believe I just considered myself a rape victim.
Coach: Well that's what I want to hear. Pain is temporary...
I finished her sentence.
Me: "This too shall past"
She smiled.
Coach: How does your family feel about you coming back to school?
My mom wanted me to transfer after "the incident". My Nana too. But what was I running from? Shit. Where was I running too? I needed to conquer this.
Me: She's beginning to accept my decision.
I lied. I lied for my coaches sake. Sometimes you've gotta protect people from themselves. They can't handle the information they're looking for.
Coach: What makes you think so?
Me: She said it.
I was becoming so good at lying.
Coach: What exactly did she say?
Coach could be so nosy sometimes.
Me: How proud of me she was for looking adversity in the face.
More lies.
Coach: She's right you know.
I nodded.
Coach: I know her acceptance makes things a lot easier.
Me: Yes, it does.
Coach: That's good to hear. How's everything in the dorms? Did everyone adhere to the Presidents demands?
Me: Everything is good in the dorms.
Coach: Answer the second part of my question.
They were supposed to move Cane to another dorm. But that hasn't happened. And I didn't feel like having that discussion either.
Me: I haven't seen him around.
I lied again. My stomach started to hurt.
Coach: That's good...
I must've looked sick because she reached across the desk and placed her hand on top of mine.
Coach: Maori, are you alright?
Me: Yes coach I'm fine.
Coach: Oh ok. Well you looked pretty good out there at practice tonight. I think you're channeling this energy and it's working out in your favor. You think you're ready for Thursday's game?
I hadn't played a home game since "the incident".
Me: Of course coach.
Coach: You're positive?
Me: I'm positive.
Coach: Ok. Good. That concludes our meeting.
She was so abrupt.
Me: Okay Coach, see you tomorrow.
Coach: Have a good night.
I got up and headed for the door. Before I could escape she called my name.
Me: Yes Coach?
Coach: I'm proud of you.
Me: Thanks Coach.
I turned and walked out of the door. I debated on whether I wanted to stop and get a snack. I decided against it then I started thinking about Lee again. I contemplated why he didn't like me back. Out of nowhere my coaches voice saying how she was proud of me popped in my head. I was confused about why she said that to me. It sort of bothered me. I had gotten drunk and fucked, what was there to be proud of?