Baby Deyes: A Zalfie Fanfiction

Week Seventeen: Busy and Babysitting

I looked hopelessly at the calendar.
Monday 16th February: Nala vet appointment at 11.30 and going out with Louise and Tanya for lunch at 1
Tuesday 17th February: Go into town to buy baby furniture
Thursday 19th February: Babysitting Darcy from 10 - 4
Saturday 21st February: Joe coming to film a video about the baby
"Alfie!" I called upstairs.
"Yes?"
"Why are you letting me do all this?"
"It's not my fault!" A sleepy Alfie surfaced and came bumping downstairs with one sock on. "To be fair, most of it was written in last month."
"And the tiredness is just starting to set in as well." I moaned. "When do you think he'll kick?"
"As soon as he's ready." Alfie soothed, putting his hands on my shoulders from behind and gently massaging them.
"I mean on average when."
"In his own time."
"You don't have a clue do you?"
"No I do not." Alfie stepped away.
We eventually managed to jam a protesting Nala into her travel box thing and set off, just over an hour later. She squealed all the way.
As we put her on the vet's table she made a run for it and we had to chase her, squealing, around the surgery.
"Happens all the time," Oliver, the new vet, said, gently swabbing her leg. The nurse pushed a needle under the skin and she squeaked in pain. I stroked her soothingly and held her close as Alfie filled out some papers and paid. By the time he was finished she had stopped whining, but when we put her in the car she started up again.
"Nala for God's sake!" I yelled a while later. "I have a headache. Shut up!"
"Hey hey, it's not her fault. She doesn't know any different." Alfie said. I parked the car on the drive and threw the door open. It rebounded, hitting my shin.
Alfie jumped out too, grabbing Nala and her toys. I was already in the kitchen, swallowing paracetamol and glugging water angrily.
"Hey hey, don't overdo it." Alfie set Nala down on the kitchen floor and gently prised the glass from my hands. "Go and lie down, then refresh your makeup and I'll drive you to the cafe."
Muttering angrily about 'that stupid bloody door', I ascended the stairs and threw myself face first into my pillow.
Within about thirty minutes I felt a lot better. I got changed into my flowery leggings and a white shirt. My hair was braided and my feet slipped into silver boots.
We met in Starbucks, sitting in the slightly condensation-y front booth next to the window. Darcy sat mumbling and drawing wobbly figures on the window.
"You couldn't find a babysitter?" I guessed.
"Sorry." Louise said apologetically.
"It's okay. We don't mind, do we Darce?" I said, giving her a hug.
We chatted for a while but I wasn't feeling up to it.
"Zoe?" Louise asked. "Are you ok?"
"Yeah, just tired."
"Pregnancy takes it out of you." I didn't notice a worried look from Tanya and Louise's more reassuring one. "Go home and rest, chums."
"Ok, you're right. And I can still babysit on Thursday."
"Wait and see if you're up for it. I can ask Matt."
I drove home, my eyes drooping, and went back to bed.
Tuesday came and went. We bought white furniture for the baby's room and hung little soft white fairy lights around the cot.
Wednesday and Thursday passed uneventfully. I babysat Darcy, who was starting a cold and slept on the sofa for most of the day, and kept my feet up.
Saturday came, as did Joe. I set up the camera on the lounge so we could lean back on the sofa.
"So, Joseph, why are we here today?"
"To film a video about my new niece."
"Nephew."
"Nephew - niece."
"Anyway, this is the baby tag." I punched Joe lightly.
"Let's GO!"
"1: Do you think the baby is a boy?"
"No I think it's a girl because Zoe is wrong as usual."
"Joe!"
"What? It's true!"
"2: Do you like the baby's name?"
"I do like the name but it is irrelevant as it is a girl."
"3: Breast or bottle?"
"Bottle because I don't want to a) scar the viewers, b) be labelled as a perv and c) have my older sister turn into a stripper the second someone gets hungry."
I nudged him.
"That came out wrong." He covered his mouth with his hand and slid off the sofa out of sight.
We went through a few more: Have you seen the bedroom yet (no), are you excited to be an uncle (yes), and who do you think the baby will look like (Joe, as he has 'perfect' genes) etc.
"Well, Joseph, since recent information has come to light, you are no longer allowed to be the uncle."
"What recent information?!"
"You don't think I have perfect genes!" I poked him in the side. He squirmed away.
"Well what? You don't!"
"Hey!" I shuffled away and made a sad face for the camera. "My subscribers don't like you now. Everyone unsubscribe from Joe."
"Wha - ZOE! NO! NO! NO ONE UNSUBCRIBE!"
I burst out laughing at the terrified expression on his face.
"What? How do I pay my bills without YouTube?"
"Get a proper job!"
"That's rich, coming from you!"
"I'm a beauty designer with my own range. That's a job!"
"I'm a writer!"
I dived on him, his feet disappearing behind us as the sofa rocked dangerously.
"What do you two do on this sofa to make it so unstable? Actually, keep that to yourself NO ZOE I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!"
A few minutes later I switched off the camera and began to edit it. Joe sat next to me, ordering me to "Cut my pig snort" and "Oh, don't include that".
When I finally uploaded it later that night, I barely had time to read any comments before I collapsed into bed.