Summer's Last Breath

Part 20

I wasn't sure what I'd been expecting when I got home, but my dad had dinner ready. My favorite—spaghetti. His one specialty that didn't involve the grill. A sure sign he was making an effort to mend things between us.
 

While I'd been confronting him in his office the other night, I'd thought, for a split second, about threatening to go stay with my mom. I'd never used that tactic before, mostly because my mom made it clear I was always welcomed to stay with her anytime I wanted, but I was never, under any circumstances, to use her house as an escape to avoid dealing with my dad. From the beginning of their break-up, they'd been united in their insistence that I never use one of them against the other, and I'd never been tempted to until he'd informed me I couldn't see Jamie anymore.


Walking into the house, permeating with the aroma of oregano and basil, I was glad I hadn't crossed that line, which would have only compounded an already complicated situation. At least I'd made one good decision over the last forty-eight hours, one not based purely on emotion. 


"Smells good," I said, letting my gym bag plop onto the kitchen tiles as I slid onto one of the stools. A huge green salad sat on the counter and I picked a cucumber out of the bowl.


"Thought you'd probably be hungry," he said, grabbing a couple of plates from the cabinet and setting them on the counter. "How was practice?"


"Good," I said. Crunching the cucumber, I reached for a sliver of carrot. They looked hand cut and not the kind from the bag. He'd gone to a lot of trouble.


He also wasn't fooled. He was well aware I'd had a rough couple of days, and I was aware he had too. If I were being objective, I would have to admit my dad was an extremely fair-minded man. He was always willing to give someone a second chance. He didn't set arbitrary rules. He strove to instill loyalty in his men as a matter of character, and Jamie's disobedience was an affront to my dad's ability to inspire that depth of loyalty, including my own. This wasn't just Jamie's failure; it was his too.


"Thanks for cooking," I said after he'd dished me a plate of noodles and sauce. It was as close to an apology as I willing to give. Because my dad was right. Seeing Donovan's reaction had only brought that home. Donovan was right to be angry. Jamie was right to put an end to us, even if it was only temporary. And here I was thinking I was all grown-up, when I was still making little girl decisions.


I sighed, my dad's disappointment transferring to me. I might as well come clean. "I went to see Jamie today."


His back went ramrod straight, jaw clenching. He sat on the stool across from me, and I could already hear the reprimand forming in his mind.


"Save the lecture," I said. "We agreed not to see each other anymore. You happy?"


He dropped his napkin in his lap. "Nothing about this situation makes me happy. I love you. And Jamie is like a son. It does not make me happy to discipline either of you." 


And now it was clear I'd robbed Jamie of something more than his place on the team. I'd potentially robbed him of a mentor, one he needed.


"He was pretty upset. What did you say to him?"


"The truth," my dad said, his voice flat and emotionless. "I was disappointed. He'd let his team down. That a man wouldn't take advantage of a starstruck sixteen-year-old girl."


"Is that what you think I am? Starstruck?" Contrary to my behavior over the last few days, I didn't feel like a little girl. Especially when I was around Jamie "And you should know, he resisted at first. If anyone took advantage of anyone, it was me taking advantage of him."


"He still should have known better," he said, unconvinced.


"I told him I loved him." Pile it on Shaw. Pile on the humiliating confessions.


"Do you think that was a good idea?"


"Probably not." I twirled my fork in my plate of noodles. "But it's the truth." 


"I'm sorry, Erin. That doesn't change anything."


"I know." I looked up from my plate and met my dad's gaze head on. "Just don't shut him out for long. Not because of me. Team or no team, he needs you."