]Dovahkiin/D's POV[
What just happened? What just went up my ass? WHY CANT I FUCKING TALK AGAIN!?
"Is this your first time getting Probed?" Some guy next to me asks who also has his butt exposed to the weird thing that shoved something up my ass. Well tried.
I simply stare at him before he continues. "Ya it's a pain. But this is the kinda stuff you gotta put up with living in a quiet little mountain town. At least we don't have to deal with traffic."
"ID RATHER DEAL WITH FUCKING TRAFFIC THAN GET PROBED!" I yell wiggling out of the restrains and mulling up my pants. I think I'm scarred for life.
"Hey you broke free! Kid you have incredible control over your ass hole! Get me loose too!"
"Uhhh o-WHAT THE FUCK!" I yell as a weird satellite dish looking thing comes up out of my ass and points toward an alien thingy.
"You must've broke off part of the probe and now you can control it with your sphincter muscles. Pretty cool."
I look at the alien thingy on the wall and then outside this barrier thing and suddenly I'm there. "What the- oh fuck it I'm on a UFO!" I say walking over the edge of this guys barrier thing.
"I'm surrounded by some sort of force field. Go find a way to shut it off."
"Ya kinda noticed that." I mumble walking out of the room.
"Moo moo moo moo moo!" An alien shouts running over and pressing some button. Im gonna have to fight all these aliens aren't I?
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Ok let's recap what's happened tonight!
Let's see I've found out I'm a total freak, I got kidnaped and probed by aliens, I can now control said probe with my ass hole, I've fought a bunch of aliens, fought a weird German zombie hobo, and I crashed a UFO. Oh ya I also befriended Randy Marsh and watched him get probed because of my incompetence when It comes to memory games.
Wow, no wonder I'm so tiered! Aw fuck I got school tomorrow too! Unless this town actually realizes 'Oh hey there's pieces of UFO every where! We probably should cancel school! For At least today!'
Whatever. I'm sleeping.
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"D!D! It's terrible! Have you seen the news?! Here look!" The wizard King yells at me tuning into my living room in his outfit. Is that aloud at school?
I look over at the news report and see how it's about there being no school due to an earth quake last night, and a new Taco Bell is being made where the mall used to be and the crashed UFO is now. Except they seem to ignore the UFO? Alright sure seems legit! Not.
"Oops." I say rubbing the back of my head.
"Oops? D what did you do?!?"
"I may or may not have crashed a UFO last night.... Into the South Park mall... Oops." I explain.
"Wha- God fucking damn it D! Oh well whatever that's not important right now! The elves cheated and took the stick last night! Their hiding out in the school!"
"How is- never mind I've got it." I say going up stairs and into my room with Cartman following. Apparently everyone calls him by his last name. Dunno why.
YOU ARE READING
South Park The Stick of Truth: The Princess and The Dragon born
Fanfiction*Less cringey, grammatically correct, and just overall slightly better version is posted on Archive of our own. Same names and stuff.* -First Book of 3- Based off the stick of truth game where you play as silent Dovahkiin. DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING...
