comebacks// funny comebacks and insults

COMBO

Boy: My dick is so hard
Girl: To find
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Idiot: You're a chicken
Me: Yes, that's why I say "fcOff fc fc fcOff"
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Teacher: Why were you absent?
Student: I was sick.
Teacher: You're lying aren't you?
Student: No, I was sick of you and this stupid school.
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Guy: You know, my dick should have a warning on it that says "choking hazard".
Girl: Isn't that for small things?
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Daughter: Mom, stop it, you're not funny, you can't make jokes.
Mom: I made you.
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Teacher: Tell the class why you are late.
Me: Someone told me to go to hell.
Me: Couldn't find it at first.
Me: Now I'm here.
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Girl: Lost two pounds this weekend!
Me: what did you do, take off your makeup?
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Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find America.
Maria: Here.
Teacher: Correct, now class, who discovered America?
Class: Maria.
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Girl: *stares at me for 30 seconds*
Me: What you looking at?
Girl: I dunno, something ugly.
Me: Bitch, I ain't no mirror!
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Oh, I heard you, I just don't care.
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You're the reason nobody likes you.
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Your dick belongs in your pants, not you're personality.
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I love the sound you make when you shut up.
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Excuse me, have I given you any indication that I care at all?
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It's okay if you disagree with me.
I can't force you to be right.
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Idiot: What's up with your face?
Me: That was makeup! What's your excuse?
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Person: Is this seat empty?
Me: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
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Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Don't Enter.
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Man: I'd like to call you, what's your number?
Woman: it's in the phone book.
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Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: It's in the phone book, too.
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Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
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Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
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I would make fun of you, but I don't think you'd understand it.
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I'd like to leave you with one though, but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it.
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Teacher: Where's your book?
Me: At home.
Teacher: And what is it doing there?
Me: Having more fun than me.
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Oh, what a good comeback, you must be very witty.
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Girl: It makes my heart happy when two idly people find each other and fall in love.
Me: Who's the lucky guy?
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