Chapter Eleven

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(dan)

I stood there in shock for about 15 minutes after Pj stormed off.

Did I really hurt Phil as badly as he said I did? I didn't mean to hurt him! I wanted to help. I knew he was getting bullied just as badly as I was, so I thought breaking things off would be the best option.

Pj was right, of course. I still loved Phil. But I thought that the breakup would be better for both of us, I didn't imagine that the bullying would continue and that my friends would be angry.

I took a deep breath and collapsed on the ground beneath me.  About half of the Slytherin house had forgotten about my relationship with Phil, but the rest were brutal. They tormented me worse than when I was dating Phil. Some said things like, "Trying to take the easy way out won't work, Howell."

Others said things along the lines of, "Hurting others only hurts yourself more." I now assumed that the other I was hurting was Phil.

I groaned and put my head in my hands. What was I going to do?

"Dan, you okay mate?" I heard the familiar voice of Jake ask as he walked up behind me.

"No," I replied without any explanation.

"Anything I can do?" He asked again.

"Probably not."

"Anything that you can do?"

"Yea."

"Well, then go do it! I can't believe I have to tell you that!"

I stood up slowly. There was something I could do, but I didn't know where to find Phil or if he would even talk to me.

"Okay."

(phil)

I sat on my bed in my dormitory. I wasn't crying, but I knew my eyes were red. I still missed Dan. It was obvious he didn't feel the same.

I heard a knocking on the door.

"Phil?" My housemate Murphy asked. "There's a Ravenclaw down here at the door. Says his name is Pj. You want to talk to him?"

"Yea, sure. Be there in a minute."

I climbed out of my bed and walked down the stairs to the entrance of the common room.

I saw Pj standing right outside the door. He looked worried.

"Phil, you okay?"

"Yea. I'm fine."

"You sure? You walked off pretty quickly."

"Yea. It's just... he just-"

"Yea, I know Phil."

"Pj, I miss him. I know I shouldn't, but I do."

"It's okay Phil," Pj said as he enveloped me in a hug. "Dan doesn't deserve someone as great as you."

I stepped back and wiped my eyes (I had apparently started crying again but I didn't even notice) and said, "Thanks Peej. You, Chris, and Lily are the best."

Pj smiled. "Speaking of which, we still need to figure out the next Hogsmeade trip! Want to help me find Chris and Lily?"

(dan)

I knew I needed to find Phil, but I had no idea where he would be. I looked in the owlery, I looked by the Willow, I even asked the house elves if they had seen him.

When I went to the Hufflepuff Common Room, I was greeted by glares from the Hufflepuffs, they were all saying "I dont know where Phil is, but why should I tell you?" I couldn't help but notice that the Hufflepuffs seemed to be one big family.

I was walking down random corridors in hope of finding Phil. I finally heard a few voices that sounded familiar when I got near McGonagle's classroom.

"So the Hogsmeade trip is in three days," I heard Lily say to someone.

"And then we have a free week right after that because Dumbledore is going away or something like that!" Chris exclaimed.

I turned the corner and saw that Lily, Chris, and Pj were facing away from me. They were facing the one person I was looking for.

Phil.

I took a few steps forward, and Phil's eyes met mine.  His skin turned paler, if that's even possible, and Pj and Chris seemed to notice.

The Ravenclaw and Gryfindor turned around and glared. Lily soon looked back as well, and she stepped in front of Phil, as if to try to block my view of him. Or to block his view of me.

"What do you want, Dan?" Chris asked.

"I just want to talk to Phil," I replied.

Pj and Chris' glares didn't soften. They held their ground, waiting for more of an explanation than I gave.

I sighed and looked to Pj. "You were right about that thing you said.."

Pj looked confused, and even more angry. But then he seemed to realize as he stopped glaring, but didn't look any more friendly.

"Phil, are you okay if you talk to him?"

I heard Phil mumble something, but I was too far away to make it out.

Chris nodded. "You have five minutes," He said before walking down the hallway, Pj and Lily in tow.

Phil looked at me sadly. He didn't smile or make a horrible pun. All of the things I loved about him seemed to be a distant memory.

"Hi. How've you been?" I asked him.

"What did you want to talk to me about, Dan?" Phil said coldly, as if every second he was in my presence was torture.

"Phil, I-" I stopped. Did I really want to let him know I still loved him? He might not love me anymore, he might not believe me. He did have a thing about pity-love.. And the bullying had stopped, even if it hadn't completely stopped..

"Phil, I'm sorry." I said. "I know I was stupid, I know I don't deserve to be forgiven. I just.. I just want you to know that I still love you. I just wanted you to know that-"

Phil cut me off. "Dan, I don't want an apology. You were right. The bullying stopped. Your goal was reached. Congratulations. I just wish  you dated me for more than pity-love. You said it wasn't pity-love, but I know that kind of love when I see it." Phil took a deep breath, and wiped a stray tear. "Despite that, I accept your apology. I hope we can be friends again."

Phil turned around and walked towards the direction that the other three went.

•••

I sat on the edge of my bed, trying my best to keep the tears in. I could tell that Phil still felt betrayed. I tried my best. I don't know what else to do.

I miss Phil.

"I'm an idiot." I mumble to myself.

"What was that, Dan?" Jake asked from his bed. He was working on homework.

"I said I'm a bloody idiot!" I yelled, finally letting the tears go.

"Woah, mate, what did you do? You've been like this all day!  How can I help?" Jake said, putting his work aside.

"Jake, you can't do anything." I replied.

"There's gotta be something. Is this about that guy? Your ex-boyfriend?"

"Phil." I nodded.

"What happened? I won't judge, I know I was wrong in judging you before."

"You were wrong in breaking his arm too." I said sharply.

Jake flinched. "I didn't mean to do that. I mean, I meant to beat him up, but-"

"You were wrong either way."

"How can I help?"

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