Love Will Be Our Last Emotion- Janxx

I'll Hang On Every Word You Said

Hi guys, so erm...Ella kind of seems harsher than I had intended:/ but oh well; here's the chapter, and I hop you enjoy it. Thanks for reading, and by for now, my little Batling Army :3

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Jake's P.O.V:

Tears slowly tumbled from my eyes as I watched everyone else in the room, wandering what she had meant by how amazing Asking Alexandria was; she never really mentioned them before apart from saying how much she hated everyone apart from Danny. “James is too gay, Cameron's too stupid, Sam's far too quiet and Ben... Well Ben's just another slut!" She would hiss. Although I'm really confused as to how Ben is a slut and Danny isn't; at least Ben is married now. And as far as her idea on Sam goes, well he talks more than me... so does that make me 'too quiet' for her, as well? Somehow I just couldn't pass the thought off as nothing, and my chest felt as though it had been ripped open and left to kill me. Every comment she had made filtered through my head, not leaving me for a single moment, for a single selfless second. Robust thoughts of self-loathing and hatred grip my icy core as I thought about how I have let my past ruin my future. Jinxx and the guys know that I'm only awkward and quiet because of what happened in my past; I was bullied, badly, when I was a kid and although I'm not scared as such, I still get a bit nervous unless I'm on stage. I'm getting better though, but that seems to be too late now.

Jinxx stays beside me, soothing me as he wipes the tears from my cheeks. I honestly could never ask for a better friend; I have always felt as though I can trust Jinxx with anything, and I can. A soft buzz from my pocket startles me as I realise Ella must have replied. I swallow, gathering my strength and pushing back the tears and emotions as I pull out my phone remembering the message I had sent her earlier: “Ell, is there anything you need to tell me?” Nervous about her response, I glance up to Jinxx, to be greeted with his always supportive eyes and smile. I opened the message, preparing for the worst but what I received seemed to be somehow even worse: “No, what do you mean, Jake?” my thoughts roared, and I passed my phone to Jinxx, hoping he could help me with a response; I just didn't know what to say, if I was supposed to tell her found the letter or what... but for some reason what she said aggravated me so much because if she had the nerve to lie to me about that, what else could she be lying to me about. Was she lying? In the back of mind I couldn't help but think I it could have been something innocent but I am making a massive deal out of it without knowing the full picture. Jinxx hands back the phone, his eyes glinting with an emotion I can only describe as disappointment, although I am not sure why or what that could have been about. Hands shaking, I brought myself together to type her another message: “You haven't lost anything then? Nothing you could have accidentally dropped in the wrong bag?” I enquire, hoping to not make it too obvious as to what I accidentally have, but also giving her a prompt that I know something is wrong. I don't want us to end, but I don't know how strong we could be, I mean, how could I trust her as strongly after this? I just don't know what to do right now because a part of me is telling me to just to leave it all behind and move on. Honestly, my emotions are so messed up right now.

Sitting down in the corner of the room waiting for a reply became a heart-breaking and elongated task; it was almost as if she was refusing to respond.

“Guys, I'm going to get ready for the set tonight,” I call before trudging off to find my make-up. Faintly I could hear the guys mumbling something about my mood,

“What's gotten into him?” Ben asked, actually sounding a little concerned.

“Err... there's a lot of confusing stuff going on for him,” Jinxx faintly replies. I grab my make-up and walked to the bathroom, were I proceed to dip my brush into the pot of black eye make-up and began to draw out my design. Putting on my make-up was like putting on a mask for me and making me feel as though I can be confident and be myself without judgement. Well, I still get judged, but it feels as though it isn't quite the same; somehow I feel as though I can deal with it better once I have put my war paint on. A soft knock at the door, pulls me from my thoughts and is then followed by the door being cracked open slowly as a pale, familiar face appears, a look of concern in their icy blue eyes. Jinxx. A soft smile plays at his lips when he sights me “Do you mind if I get ready beside you? They guys are boring me out there and I wanted to make sure you are okay for the show tonight,” he asks, to which I simply nod and she strides in, assuming his spot next to me and looking into the mirror as he begins to put on his make-up.

Asking Alexandria got ready with us...well, Ben did; he's the only one who really does anything to get ready before the stage, even though most of it is spent on his hair. I honestly think Ben may spend more time than Ashley on his hair, and I never thought that was possible. With this knowledge of a new found winner for longest time spent on their hair, we marched off the venue; we were playing second, then Asking Alexandria just after us. The cool November air stabbed into me, as he neared the venue. Getting back stage was so weird; it's been ages since we've performed in an arena, I don't know why but I think it's because it is easier to interact with the fans if you are in a smaller place, but it's cool doing larger venues because the atmosphere is just amazing. Hollywood Undead were performing when we arrived backstage, Andy was talking to Danny still, I honestly don't think they stop talking. A soft buzz comes from my pocket, alerting me of a message. I rifled through my pocket, picking out my phone to find that Ella had finally replied to me; she's pretty much been avoiding replying to be all day. Assuming the worst again, I could feel the nerves rising within my body as I opened the message and began to read: “Why? Did you get something in your bag, then?” my stomach tensed up and I felt as though I was going to be sick; she knows there was something. She knows that there was a letter. Pushing back the tears, which were threatening to burst their banks, I feebly typed a message, looking around then guys that surround me one last time: “That wasn't what I was asking; but you tell me if there was something you didn't want me to receive.” By the time I had sent the message I was shaking so much I was like a leaf. But this time I was shaking with rage, not nerves.

Tears cascading down my face, I excuse myself from the room and walked of to the bathroom; I couldn't have them seeing me like this. Not now. A soft knock at the door was followed by a ushered whisper from Jinxx,

“Hey, Jake, can I come in? I want to look after you...” he muttered, a layer of concern resonating within his voice. Silently I stared at the door in the mirror, wondering if I should let him in or not, but my overwhelming feelings and emotions come crashing in on me.

“Go away...” I mumble, feeling as though there is no point in him coming in; I'll only hurt him.

“No, Jake, someone needs to make sure you are okay, and I want to help you...”

“Go away, Jinxx, just go away!” I bellow as tears cover my face, smearing my make-up. Gasping for breath I saw the door flung open and Jinxx running in.

“No, Jake, I'm not going away and you can hate me all you want for that but I can't just leave you on your own and expect you to be fine, to be happy,” he pulled be into his chest, rocking me back and forth as he comforted me. As I suck in great gulps of air between my splutters and outbursts of tears, Jinxx wipes off my make-up, clearing my face so I can start again; thank god Jinxx always carried spare make-up with him. “Hush, Jake, it'll be okay,” he cooed, stroking my hair.

Now only gasping every so often, I had calmed enough to start putting my make-up on again. Covering my face with the white foundation, then drawing my black designed eyes in, I added a bit of black to my lips, and then I was done; I didn't need to do anything else for the stage. Getting up, Jinxx grabbed my wrist softly and helped me to my feet. He unlocked the door and we then marched out, into the room with the rest of the guys.

“Andy, Ashley, Jake, Jinxx and CC, we need you up front now!” Jon screams, alerting us that we will be performing in a second. As we make our way up front, Danny and Ben come with us; I don't mind Ben, but I kind of feel on edge with Danny, because if she is messing about with anyone from Asking Alexandria it would be Danny, purely because he is the only person she can stand. A soft buzz from my pocket told me Ella had replied. Waiting in line for the stage, I quickly pull out my phone and read what she said: “I'm guessing you have the letter in your bag then? You must have picked it up by accident... if you could, would you be kind enough to hand it over to Danny? I know you are on tour with him so that shouldn't be so hard to do now, would it, Love? X” Showing the message to Jinxx I could see the tears well up in his eyes as his fists were clenched into tight little balls.

“Is she... with Danny, then?” he strained, barely above a whisper.

“I think so...”