Diary of a Mindless GUY

Chapitre Cinq | Over Here Scared Like Uh-Oh!

C H A P T E R   C I N Q

“Cameron, I thought that I could’ve trust enough for you not to go to this concert.” My heart stopped. How could’ve my dad possibly have known that I was at this concert? All I did was just stand in front of him speechless. He continued to talk. “I told you once that I wasn’t going to raise a gay son, and here you are, going behind my back.” My dad got closer to my face and stood there. “Don’t ask to go nowhere, don’t ask to do nothing until I say so, you hear? The only place you’re gonna be allowed to go is school and back.” Neither me or Veveeyn knew what to do or say. We both stood there, wordless.

“So, you’re going to act all shy in front of your little friend? Veveeyn, he won’t see you for a while. Or ever, if I have anything to do with it.” My dad snatched my hand and dragged me to his car. I had so many mixed emotions, I didn’t know which ones to show. There was going to be months of humiliation with this one, so I may as well get ready for it.

I got in the car reluctantly, not wanting my dad to talk anymore. How come he thought I was gay? Mindless Behavior was a band, like Nirvana, The Ramones, or anything else. 

But if you like those, I guess it’s not normal for you to be counted as gay.

“I still cannot believe you went behind my back, Cameron.” Dad kept bringing this up. Couldn’t he just get over it already? Everyone messes up in life. “I can’t believe you’re such a bigot, dad,” I spat back quickly. Dad has tons of insults, but that was something I could always use against him. After that comment, my dad remained silent until we got all the way home. My dad was the first to go in — probably to complain about me to my mother. I wasn’t fazed by this, though — my mom would probably be the cheerful, understanding, open-minded lady she usually is.

“Vanessa, you need to get a paternity test because this boy couldn’t be my son,” My dad’s voice was somehow unfamiliar. He would never talk like that while I was in his presence. Mom’s face said it all—she was dumbfounded. “What are you talking about? Cameron has been your son for over fourteen years.” My mom chased after my dad up the stairs while I sat there alone, trying to put the pieces together. Did my dad really hate me? Did he even want me? I was one of the lucky ones that had a father in my life, but even though he was there, it didn’t mean it was always a celebration.

But then again, I started to rethink things. Am I really gay? I never really saw any interest in Veveeyn or any girl for that for that matter, but I kind of felt that Mindless Behavior was attractive. I never told anyone that, of course.  The bullying was already bad enough, and actually being gay would only make my problems worse. Plus, my dad would probably disown me completely if I dropped that news on him.

I sat on the couch and my eyes veered off into space. If I was gay, who would I get together with? No one in my school was gay, or that hadn’t came out of the closet yet. I couldn’t just tell everyone and expect things to go smoothly. Since I wouldn’t be able to see Veveeyn on my own time, I decided to call her. She would know how to act during an awkward situation like this. I dialed her number fast and she picked up, giving me relief.

“Hey, Cameron. Are you still grounded?” Veveeyn’s voice was still energetic like was before the concert. I nodded my head even though Veveeyn couldn’t see me.

“As far as I know. Listen, Veveeyn. I have something important to tell you.” My heart was beating fast when I knew I was going to break some news to Veveeyn she probably wouldn’t accept. 

“Cameron, you tell me everything. Lay it on me.” I could almost see Veveeyn’s bright, Kool-Aid smile through the phone. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to spit it out.

“Veveeyn, I think I’m gay.”

Silence.

Veveeyn swallowed and her whole “happy-go-lucky” demeanor changed. It felt like we were in court, and I just got life sentence. “H-how do you know? It could just be a phase, Cameron.” I shook my head. Veveeyn just didn’t understand. “It’s not a phase. I’ve been thinking about for a quite a while, and yeah. Will you still be my friend even if I am?”

More silence.

“Oh course, Cameron. I’m like your sister; I would never ditch you like that.”

“Thanks for understanding, Vev. Now, I better get off before my dad does something crazy life tap the phone. Haha.” Veveeyn laughed too. “Bye, Cameron. Just remember that if you ever need to talk, I’m going to be here for you. Love ya, bye.” After I hung up, I heard my dad run downstairs, extremely fast. 

“Oh, so now you’re going around telling everyone that you’re gay? If I haven’t told you once, I’m not having a gay son. That’s final. If you can’t deal with it, leave.” My mom came following down, straight after. “Now don’t you think you’re being irrational? Cameron is only fourteen years old. He can’t handle life on his own yet,” my mom’s voice was soft, so I knew she was on my team, even though her husband wasn’t following through.

“If he’s old enough to go around talking about he’s gay, he’s old enough to live out on his own if that’s his decision.” My dad stared at me hard, and I didn’t know what to do. I gave him a blank stare, unsure of his next move. I looked at the door, and then I looked back at him. Pick your choice, Cameron! My conscience hollered.

“I’m leaving,” I stood my ground.

Now I realized I basically got kicked out of the house for liking a boy band.

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