Diary of a Mindless GUY

Chapitre Huit | Cameron's Diary

C H A P T E R  E I G H T

Cameron’s Diary.

June 14, 2013. About midnight. Friday.

Today I went to go see a counselor about me being gay. She was extremely helpful. She didn’t try to snap me out of being gay or anything of the sort. She was just listening to my feelings, and she gave me some tips about learning how to accept myself. She told me it was easy to accept myself, but not as easy to love myself. I agreed. From what I heard her say, this is what I got from the appointment: 

• Remember it’s not my fault I’m gay. It just happened

• I cannot control my feelings

• Learn to love myself

• Remember that I’m not alone

I plan to keep these thoughts in my mind for a while. Veveeyn and the therapist have been a huge help so far, and I appreciate them. Veveeyn has always been there for me, so I plan to keep her close to my heart. My father is still trying to snap me out of it, but it’s not going to work. I made a decision to be myself. It’s my decision to like Mindless Behavior, One Direction, or whatever boyband I want to. It didn’t really give the viewpoint that I was gay. It was a coincidence.

But now I understand what my sexualality is, my mom signed me up for this summer program so I can interact with other teen guys. It seems like she wants me to get a boyfriend already. Haha. I’m not sure if I want to get in the dating scene yet. But the camp starts on Sunday, so I’m already prepared to meet people and get a new start. These people don’t even know me, let alone that I’m gay, so I can get a fresh start.

I can actually say I’m excited for it.

 ________________________________________________________

“Cameron! Wake up. It’s summer camp time,” My mother said gently, shaking me. I got up in a hurry. “Is breakfast ready?” I asked, while already stepping out of the door. My mom nodded her head and I hurried down. Downstairs, there was croissants, bacon, and my favorite Minute Maid fruit punch. My father was at the table, reading his newspaper and sipping at his coffee. He didn’t look up, which I was grateful for.

I sat down and ate quickly. I was more than ready to start the day. After I was finished with my plate, I quickly ran upstairs and changed. I kept it simple—a polo with distressed jeans and Converse sneakers. “Woah. You’re really ready to go, huh?” My mom said, while shaking her head. I nodded my head. “Can I walk there?” I asked impatiently. Knowing my mom, it would take her forever and a day to get ready.

She shook her head. “You know where the youth center is, right?” She questioned. I nodded my head, and proceeded to walk out the door. Wait, I need to get my iPod, I thought. I went back inside, and search for my iPod in it’s usual place. It wasn’t there, so I called out to someone. I really didn’t care who answered. “Does anyone know where my iPod could be?”

“I sold it to the pawn shop,” My father spoke up. I really didn’t want to hear his voice, or breathe his air. He was really trying to get under my skin, and he’s made it. My iPod was the only thing that I had, and my father took that away as well. It was my worst nightmare. Silently, I walked out of the house. I promised myself I wouldn’t have any conflicts today, and I wouldn’t let my dad make me break that promise.

Since the youth center was almost a block away from my house, it was pretty easy to get there. I stepped in front of a woman with sandy-red hair, with bright smile. She looked like her day was going pretty well. “Hey. I’m Cameron. I came for the summer camp?” The lady lead me into a classroom, full of boys. A lot of them looked unenthusiastic, but some actually greeted me. I took a seat by myself, and it seemed just then, everyone started cliquing up and talking. Wow. It looks like it’s my turn to be antisocial. 

When I was staring off into space, a boy my age approached me. “Hey,” I said simply. The boy smiled. “You seemed all lonely. I just came to say hi.” This guy was beyond cute. He resembled Justin Combs, one of the guys that could fit in ‘the cutest guys on the planet’ category effortlessly. “Yeah, I don’t know anyone here,” I giggled a little, and the Justin Combs look-alike. “Well, I’m Jayden. But you can call me Jay. I don’t know anyone here, either. You looked nice.” Jay smirked at the side of his mouth. “Thanks. . .” I was so nervous that I was going to embarrass myself in front of this guy.

“Can I tell you something? Promise you won’t judge.” It was surprising how this guy can give me all his trust in a matter of seconds. I nodded my head yes, my mind wandering off, thinking about what he could possibly say.

“I like Mindless Behavior. I think I’m the only guy out here that does, if I can be honest.”