Short stories and Other Whatnots

you have no idea

It has been approximately four months since I last saw you. It was during the early days of June when I last saw your smile, if I had known that that day would be the last time I called you mine... I would have done things differently, you have no idea. You broke my heart during the end of July, if I had known that you had stopped loving me... I would have done things drastically different, you have no idea.

Maybe if I had loved you more, harder...

Maybe if I had been more open...

Maybe if I had said "I love you" or hold your hand...

Maybe if I had done all the things I wanted to do with you/to you, I wouldn't be writing this heartache of mine.

I am not ashamed nor will I ever be ashamed of ever having you in my life, of ever loving you, of ever laying my eyes on you and think how mind-blowingly excruciating it is for me to control myself around you, because that's how magnetic of love is (was).

A majority of my friends don't approve of you because you were younger than me and I quote "Way out of your league". I didn't care I never saw it that way. I didn't mind their opinions at all to hell to all of their bullshit. I loved you. I still do, sadly.

You have moved on, why wouldn't you? You did end things. How peculiar I find it that you woke up one morning and concluded to yourself that you no longer loved me, how mystifying I see it that I still love the boy who extracted me out of his life within three paragraphs of text

I saw you yesterday as I attended the yearbook launch of my old high school, your current school. I made an effort to make myself look beautiful so that when you see me, and I prayed that you will, you will realize how mind numbingly idiotic it was that you let go of the girl who loves you most dear. You did see me, you saw me first. I turned my head to the hallway and saw your smiling face, that face that I love. I hate that after all this time I still want you, that I still need you. I waved at you, and you waved back. It was a glorious moment, and I think for a minute, my heart wasn't as heavy as it was during the past four months. I turned my head away as a colleague grabbed my attention, and then when I looked back, you had gone.

You have no idea how much I wanted to see you again, how much I wanted to feel your love, how much I wanted you back in my arms, how much I want to hear you voice whispering in my ear...

You have no idea.