ISKRIBOL (Mga Suka ng Isang Bored na Otistik)

Suka #105

Every time pessimism hits me, dragging me with thoughts whispering I can't do stuff, I listen to Beethoven's Symphony No. 9 and think again and again that the man behind this monstrous masterpiece was deaf while composing it. And the man was bombarded with problems all his life. He had a sad childhood, only had a few friends, had a father who was always drunk and a mother who was bedridden. He had a childhood friend who he fell in love to but she couldn't return such affection to him. They were poor af. He left Bonn at 18 and risked his fate going to Vienna to study under Haydn, which did him no good since he was stubborn, ignoring his mentor's criticisms on his early works. People see him as impulsive, hostile, and stubborn.

"I was bound to be misunderstood," he once wrote.

He gained popularity through his works and his piano improvisation battles with renowned piano virtuosos all across Europe. He targeted the best of them and defeated them quite easily. He had students, mostly rich women. He fell in love again to one of them, dedicated a sonata we now know as Moonlight Sonata, and the woman turned him down upon hearing rumors of his worsening hearing. "A deaf musician? How could that be possible?" she said.

He never had time for love from that moment until his death.

As he realized that there was no cure to his hearing and deafness was inevitable, he thought of suicide. He didn't do it, though, because "my heart thinks otherwise." He realized that he can't leave this world without unleashing all that was inside him. So he said, "Let my deafness be no longer a secret, even in art." And the product of it was his third symphony, Eroica.

He wrote to his childhood friend, "You see, I will be happy again; as happy as this world allows me to be."

But his deafness snatched him of such dream. He never quite felt joy from then on. He felt that time was running out. He needed to express what needed to be expressed. And the products were the 4th and 5th symphonies. Some of you may have heard of the 5th. Movies and TV shows use it for horror scenes, when an actor realizes he's screwed or a ghost appears and such. Search it and listen. Though it is quite unfair that we capped such stereotype to a work rooted on deep passion and the will of Beethoven to break free of his burdens. So I suggest you listen to his 5th and finish it. You will discover that the beauty of it lies after that movement we so often hear.

Depression got a hold of him as he reached his thirties. He was known for his passionate outbursts during rehearsals. Some of his performances did not go well financially. He was losing patrons. He compromised for some, cutting parts of his operas for the audience to receive them well. His works were complex and highly detailed, making people step away because they weren't ready for such. But he was then the most revered composer of his time, the "worthy successor of Mozart."

And he was already half-deaf during this time.

The man struggled too much but he wouldn't leave this world thinking he was alone and sad. So he finished his final opus, a grand exit from the world and all its burdens and beauty: the 9th symphony, with the movement better known as "Ode to Joy". He cut off the legs of his piano, stuck a wood from the floor to his ear so that he could feel the vibrations, and composed the 9th.

Not only was the 9th a marvelous piece, it was revolutionary. Beethoven innovated, some called it breaking the norm, as he fused the orchestra and chorale for the 9th. It was never done before but he risked otherwise. And it was beautiful; a grand fusion of voice and music as the piece shouts "I will leave happy."

Thank you, Ludwig. You never know how much you influenced me. You destroy all that's dragging me down with your music. Salamat, bai.

(This post was supposed to be short, just the gist of Beethoven being a depressed genius and all and how it connects to positivity but I think I got carried away. Well ^^)