The Perfect Disguise

Part Eighteen

Calum's P.O.V.

I knew from the start that it won't really work but I took my chances and asked her. I don't know, its been forever and all I wanted is to be with her so I took that chance to let her know what I feel. Not that she doesn't know yet, but I just thought it'd go well and, now, I'm lying even to myself...

Standing behind the door, I listened to how he tells her everything he didn't said. I always knew he likes her too. Everything I'm afraid of is coming to reality.

Clutching my fist, I signed as I opened the door gently, seeing them so close to each other, their faces were only inches away. His hand was holding hers. And before they can even have the idea of kissing, I stormed in. I shoved off his hand off her as I sat on her lap and rested my head on her shoulder, burying my face on the crook of her neck.

"Get your own girlfriend," I whimpered, breathing in her scent. I love her scent. It's the smell of some fruity addictive thing that I always like.

"Okay," she said slowly. Then she giggled, kissing me lightly on the cheeks. "How'd you get in?"

"Bianca let me in," I said, wrapping my arms around her.

"Speaking of Bianca," Ashton said, standing up. "I should go. Scott must be waiting for her."

"Well, good luck with that!" She called as he waves goodbye and got out of the room.

"Why is he here?" I asked, moving to her side and climbing the bed. She crawled next to me, cuddling me. "What's up with Scott?"

"He's picking up Bianca," she said. "Apparently, it was Scott who's dating her. Not Ashton."

"Oh," I exclaimed. I reached for her hand, playing with it. Of course, I thought, it was Scott who likes Bianca.

For a couple of minutes, we were in complete silence until my fingers touched her wrist and she winced. Startled, she sat up and ran to the bathroom.

"Roll your sleeves," I instructed the moment she got back. My voice was serious and it must have startled her as she stopped at the foot of the bed.

"What?" She asked, pulling her sleeves further down her hands, clutching the hems.

"I said roll your sleeves," I repeated as I got up and reached for her. I pulled her hand, rolling the sleeves up. I wasn't surprised to see those marks - I know she's been doing it since we lost Daniel. But it hurts me that she still does it.

Especially now that she has me...

"I-I'm sorry," she whimpered. "I don't know what to do."

I pulled her closer, hugging her. "You know I'm here for you. You can tell me everything. You don't have to do that to yourself. You can't just go hurting yourself. I don't want to loose you like how I lost Daniel."

Yes, I can't. Daniel was the brother I never had. And it shattered me to pieces when he died. Now, all I got is her. Michael treats me like shit. Luke is so stupid most of the time, he's always with his mom. My sister is busy with her career and boyfriend. My parents treat me as if I'm not their child. She's the only one I got. I can't loose her.

"But," she pulled away. Her eyes were already watering with tears that forms in it. "Its... I don't want to hurt you."

"How can it?" I asked. Don't play dumb, Calum, I thought, you know how. "Nothing will hurt me more than seeing you doing that. Just please stop it."

She nodded as I sat her at the edge of the bed. I ran to the bathroom and took the first aid kit, throwing the blades I saw. When I got back, I knelt beside her, dumping medicine on her cuts.

I signed, closing the first aid, as I looked at her. "Do you still like him?"

She looked at me, confused, and said; "I'm not gonna leave you, Calum"

"Do you still like him?" I repeated. And I know for once that whatever she says next will mean nothing, 'cause I already know the answer. I'm just too dumb to believe.

"Calum," she signed, reaching for my hand and twining it with hers. "You have me. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

I nodded, wrapping my arms around her. "I love you, Lou. And I'm scared. I don't wanna loose you. But. I won't hold you back."

"I know," she said. "I know."

And, for the hundredth time, it hits me.

Can I be greedy of her? But I can't...

I have to let her go...

Sooner or later...

Just not now...

Not yet...