Fly Away (Michael Jackson)

thirteen

Today was the day that my California "week trial" was up with Michael. My promise to stay with him was still a-go, but we were going back to collect  more of my clothes and personal belongings. He was excited that I was officially going to stay with him and his parents at Hayvenhurst. Katherine and Joe were alright with it. I was truly surprised, but everyone agreed that it would be fine and that I'm no bother.

Sure, they were all excited; Michael was beyond ecstatic. However... I couldn't help but act slightly passive aggressive. I mean, after all the closeness and personal time together - when was I friend-zoned? I know I never paid much attention to him as kids but now we're both dedicating real time together after years and years of us being apart. I must have read too far into his gestures... he is a very generous man after all. Or he lost interest in me because age didn't do me well. See, my mind is already running games. All night, I was up, thinking about how I was going to have to live with the pain of a one sided love. But I chose this. This is on me.

The car ride to the airport was quiet. Mostly because I was pretending to be tired to avoid conversation with Michael. I didn't want to delve into more interactions that would allow my heart to fall even more in love with him. He actually didn't notice my distancing and happily hummed the songs that played on the radio. Men.

"Look, Bonnie, there's the plane we're going on," He shook my leg and I arose to see a small lot along with a small plane. This was set up so that Michael didn't get stormed with paparazzi and fans. It was pretty remote, not too many cars driving by, or marketplaces where many people would be lingering. We were escorted quickly from the car into the plane entrance. Every movement seemed so perfectly timed; the guards looked stressed, as though every step they took was life or death. As though everything had to be initiated perfectly.

Back on the plane, Michael sat a seat away from me, finally taking the hint that I wasn't feeling well. I looked at my knees and sighed. How could he not feel the same about me? Or see me any differently than the girl who used to roll in the mud. I'm not an actress with perfect skin but I'm not hard on the eyes. I just don't get it; my mind is tearing down my self esteem with every second that we remained silent. Was I just not good enough for his standards?

"Bonnie,"

I shot up quickly, glad he finally spoke up. I looked up at him and smiled shortly, "Yes, what's up?"

"Could you hand me that pillow next to you?"

My eyes narrowed and I passive aggressively smiled, "Sure, anything for you." I tossed the pillow over to his side and turned around to face the window. I really thought he finally saw that I was upset and was going to try to make things better and just fix everything. Ease the tension my mind is creating for me. What was I thinking?

Then again, he probably doesn't even know what's wrong with me, and has no idea where to start. I shouldn't be taking it out on him. All we are is friends, I should respect that... But what is it about me that I don't have? I don't get it, I'm not ugly. Or am I, and my mom was lying to me all these years? My eyes felt hot and a tear fell onto my thigh. Why the hell am I crying, what is happening?

Suddenly I felt a warm sensation in a bad location - I gasped and looked up at a female flight attendant. Michael looked at me, then at at the flight attendant as she walked towards me.

I brought her face close to mine and whispered in her ear, "Do you have a tampon?"

She rose up and nodded quickly. She escorted me to the back of the plane where the bathroom was and she took out her personal bag, because coincidentally she was also on her period.

That explains how much of a hormonal mess I am. Great.

Just as she's handing me the tampon, the front curtains fly open, "Bonnie are y-" Michael gasped when he saw the exchange and closed the curtains quickly, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to intrude, -"