CLARISSA'S THOUGHTS AND POV
AFTER THE PHONE CALL FROM HELL
I COULD NOT DEAL WITH THE GUYS RIGHT NOW . I COULD NOT EVEN LOOK AT THEM AND SEEM THE PITY IN THEIR EYES AND FACES , AND NOT TO MENTION WHAT THEY MIGHT THINK NOW THAT THEY OVERHEARD THAT CONVERSATION ........ THAT SET ME OFF INTO THIS WHIRLWIND OF BEING FRIGHTENED AND BEYOND PISSED OFF . I WASN'T LIKING THIS FEELING OF TOTAL RAGE AND HATRED I WAS FEELING RIGHT NOW .............
I COULD NOT FACE THEM , SO AS SOON I STOPPED RANTING AND SAW JAY BLACK HAWK STANDING THERE I DECIDED I HAD TO LEAVE AND BE ALONE FOR A WHILE . I NEEDED TO GATHER MYSELF AND MY THOUGHT'S AND GET A CLEAR HEAD ......... I NEEDED TO GO BACK TO MY SANCTUARY , MY OWN PLACE WHERE EVEN THE GUYS CAN'T FIND ME . NO ......... NO ........ NO MY HIDING SPOTS WERE ALWAYS WELL HIDDEN AWAY FROM THE WORLD , NOT EVEN THE BEST TRACKERS COULD FIND THEM UNLESS I WANTED TO BE FOUND .......... JAY WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO EVER FOUND ME WHEN I WENT INTO HIDING . AND WE HAVE KEPT IT A SECRET ALL THESE YEARS ...... SO I KNEW IF ANYONE WAS GOING TO FIND ME AGAIN IT WOULD BE JAY BLACK HAWK ......
WHO EVER MADE THAT CALL JUST NOW , KNEW I SPOKE POLISH FLUENTLY AND THEY CALLED ME BY NAMES THEY KNEW WOULD SET ME OFF AND OVER THE EDGE ......
......
I NEEDED TO GET OUT OF HERE AS QUICKLY AS I COULD . I FELT REALLY OUT OF IT AND I WAS GOING TO EXPLODE IF I DIDN'T DO SOMETHING SOON AWAY FROM THE GUYS . LET ME TELL YOU THE URGES TO CUT AGAIN HAD COME BACK ALL OF A SUDDEN FULL FORCE MORE STRONGER THAN EVER . BUT I KNEW IF I DID THAT THEN I WOULD HURT ALOT OF PEOPLE BESIDES MYSELF , SO I DECIDED NOT TO DO THAT ROUTE . SO I DID THE NEXT THING THAT CAME INTO MY HEAD AND THAT WAS TO TAKE OFF AND JUST RUN ......... SO I TOOK OFF RUNNING LOOSING MY SHOES IN THE PROCESS SINCE I WAS IN HEELS ........ ONLY TO BE STOPPED AND BLOCKED OFF BY THE GUYS ...... DAMN THEM !!!! I KNOW THEY CARE BUT DAMN IT I NEED TO BE ALONE , AND I CAN'T DO THAT HERE AND THEY KNOW THIS . ESPECIALLY JAY BLACK HAWK .
JAY BLACK HAWK WAS ONE OF MY VERY BEST FRIENDS GROWING UP . WE BOTH CAUSED A LOT OF TROUBLE TOGETHER WHEN WE WERE KIDS . AS KIDS WE WERE ALWAYS TOGETHER . AND THERE FOR A WHILE OUR PARENT'S ALL THOUGHT THAT JAY AND I , WOULD EVENTUALLY BE A COUPLE , BUT THAT NEVER HAPPENED BECAUSE IN MY HEART I'VE ALWAYS BELONGED TO JONATHAN AND NO ONE ELSE . PLUS JAY THOUGHT OF ME AS A FAMILY MEMBER SINCE WE WERE CLOSE GROWING UP AND THINGS ...... JAY KNEW ME BETTER THAN ANY ONE ELSE , ESPECIALLY THE GUYS . JAY WAS THE ONE PERSON , THE ONLY PERSON WHO I REALLY OPENED UP TO ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME IN THE PAST ........... SURE THE GUYS KNEW PART OF WHAT HAPPENED , BUT JAY KNEW EVERYTHING , AND I DO MEAN EVERYTHING MY ENTIRE LIFE STORY ............ I COULDN'T KEEP ANYTHING BACK FROM JAY FOR SOME REASON .............
I KNEW I DID NOT LOVE JAY THE WAY I LOVED JONATHAN , BUT IT'S LIKE JAY KNEW ME BETTER THAN I KNEW MYSELF SOMETIMES ............ JAY WAS THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS EVER FOUND ONE OF MY HIDE A WAYS , WHEN I WENT INTO HIDING AND HE KEPT THAT BETWEEN US ............. I COULD TELL JAY KNEW WHAT KINDA OF PERSONAL HELL I WAS GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW , SINCE LIKE I SAID HE'S THE ONE PERSON WHO KNEW MY ENTIRE STORY , AND NOT THE WATERED DOWN EDITED VERSION EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS ABOUT .......... NO JAY BLACK HAWK KNEW EVERYTHING THERE WAS ABOUT ME AND MY STORY ..........
THE GUY'S POV AND THOUGHT'S
CLARISSA WAS SPEAKING SO RAPIDLY IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT LANGUAGES THAT EVEN JAY BLACK HAWK COULDN'T KEEP UP WITH HER RANTINGS IN HER NATIVE TONGUES OR SO HE SAID ANYWAYS ......... PLUS SHE WAS ALSO SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGES MIXED IN WITH THE NATIVE AMERICAN HER NATIVE TOUNGE ............. BUT JAY BLACK HAWK KNEW HER BETTER THAN MOST OF THE GUYS DID . SHE WAS HIS OTHER HALF OF HIS SOUL . A KINDERED SPIRIT I GUESS YOU COULD SAY .................
