Everything Goes Black

Chapter 2: Beauty

I don't know how much Ayato is keeping from me. I wish he would just trust me. But then again... why would he? I know about this other relationships. He must think that all I want from him is sex. I have thought about going to that level, but I don't without knowing that he wants that completely.

He is so wonderful, so hot. I do want him. Not as a sex partner. Maybe one day... we could be more than just friends. We could possibly... spend the rest of our lives together. I'm not one to make that move, but then I'm the one who has to ask when it happens. To be with him forever... it's something I'd cherish just as much as I cherish Ayato.

We walk together to school now the blossom trees letting its petals fall all around us. I can see him trying to find a limp from me and feel worry. It was not the first time this has happened. But anytime I ask, he goes back into his shell. I don't know what to do about this but it's just how it is for now.

I kiss the top of his head and breath in his gentle scent. He always smells good. I see him blush at this and I wrap an arm around his thin frame. He fits perfectly in my arms. I see him bite his lip. "H... Hikaru..." his voice was like sweet honey with a hint of his British accent. He looked at me with lovely mismatched eyes that holds a silent message.

I only smile and kiss him on the lips making him melt into me. At this rate, we'll never make it to school on time. He nuzzles my chest after this and sighs happily. "We better get going then you big baka. We both have AP tests today and you can't afford to miss them!" Oh he teases me so. But he always helps me study for them beforehand. Ayato is the smartest person I know and probably should have skipped a few years of school and be in college by now.

We finally get to school and sit under our special tree together. We always meet here. In fact, this is where Ayato confessed his love for me with a firm kiss. He had been so scared afterwards looking like he wanted to bolt. He thought I would reject him. He thought I was straight. But when I kissed him back and told him I loved him just the same... it started something special between us. We were always together and people always complained about our PDA.

Now no one cares anymore. Some girls give him evil eyes from time to time but I only kiss him and scare them away. I don't understand many of the girls here at school. Except for a few, they date a guy for not even a week, sleep with them, and break it off the next day. A lot of them end up pregnant too. Disgusting people... I don't know why people see sex as so great. It was supposed to show affection and to give the person you love a piece of you. That's what I believe anyway.

Soon we have to go to class. Our first period we didn't have together so we kiss each other like it would be the last time we see each other and part ways. I let my eyes follow his gentle walk as he goes into his class before I go to mine. Animal science. Even if I love the topic, I wish Ayato was with me

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I can feel the teacher's eyes on me. He has finished the lesson for the day but he keeps checking me out. I know what he wants. If I don't give it to him, he'll fail me. I wish Hikaru was here to keep him at bay. My love makes sure no one hurts me. But I'm at the mercy of this teacher right now. I hate this life. Why do I look the way I do? Am I naturally seductive? Do I have a look that begs to be raped every second of the day?

As the bell rings, he calls me to stay after class. I hope Hikaru doesn't wait for me. We have gym together and he can't afford another tardy. I look at my desk as he approaches me. I don't want to see the hunger in his eyes. I just want to die just now. Why can't I just die? I flinch and wince as he grabs my arm and forces up to my feet. "Go to my desk and bend over..." I whimper at the way he purrs in my ear. He goes to lock the door while I follow his instructions.

I hear a zip of his pants and feel mine fall to my knees. I squeeze my eyes shut and tune myself out from the world as the pain hits me again. He isn't as bad as father but it still hurt like hell. Our bodies rock together and I bite my arm to keep from making a sound. "Damn it boy you're so tight! So beautiful!"

Beauty? Why? I'm not beautiful. I'm ugly, I'm disgusting. I'm nothing. I'm just a toy for everyone to use. A punching bag. Stress reliever. I open my eyes and stare at the desk tears streaming down my face. Hikaru sometimes says I'm hot. Is he telling me the truth? Is that what he really thinks of me? Or is he buttering me up just to get into my pants. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm always so tired. I just want to end myself no matter what he says. Why does he stop me? He says he loves me but is he telling me the truth? I love him... I want him and need him by my side. But what if he's just using me in a completely different way than everyone else?

The teacher finishes having his way with me and fixes his clothes. "I'll write you note. Oh and you can keep your A too." I stay there panting for a while, but soon I have to collect myself. I fix my clothes and gather my things tears still in my eyes.

Exhausting. Shame. Embarrassment. Pain. Depression. That's all I feel right now. I need my blade right now. I need to end myself... pills would even work. Maybe a truck... I get handed the note. Gym class. I need Hikaru now. Or I'll go completely mad. I want to be rid of all of this pain most of all. To have peace. Hikaru is my peace... but how long will it last?