Everything Goes Black

Innocence

The past will never change. No matter how much anyone wants it to completely change... for regrets, actions, and words... it won't change the present. My birth was a mistake. Mum and father hate me for it. But then if father didn't rape mum, I wouldn't have ever existed. So why is it my fault?

That's all that I'm told nowadays. It's my fault I was born, it's my fault for nearly killing mum during birth and taking away her ability to have anymore children, it's my fault I get raped by everyone because I'm so pretty and tight, and it's my fault that father is drinking himself to the point of kidney failure.

Oh and not to mention that it was my fault that mum left father after catching him molesting and taking away my virginity at a young age. I didn't ask for it to happen! I didn't want my father inside of me! I didn't want him to touch me and make me disgusting! He said that it was a way to show that he loved me!

I know better now. It's a way to show control and hate. It's his way to get out his sexual needs out without going out to fuck a whore and wasting money. I hate it. It hurts, it's filthy... it's embarrassing. I don't want to be exposed to my father's lustful eyes. It's also incest... even if I can't have a child, it's still fucking incest! Damn it... why can't he just stop!

I want his real fatherly love. I want him to be like Hikaru's father Ikuto. He treats Hikaru with respect and never touches him in a bad way. Of course, I hear that he has a bad past so he would never do something like that to his son. He's a perfect father.

But I know I'll never get it. Not now, not ever. Right now, father is next to me on my bed still exhausted from last night. I stare at the ceiling feeling lifeless and worthless. He had raped me for hours on end last night. I pull away from the man and sit up looking down at my quiver body.

I'm covered in sweat. Blood and my father's seed dry on my thighs and hole. I smell like pure sex. I can hear my father's grunts and moans as he forced himself deep inside of me. I didn't even kiss me or try foreplay. He just ripped my clothes off.

I get up and take a long shower scrubbing myself firmly to get the feeling of father's hands off of me. They never go away. Never ever. I'm my father's whore... he has never seen me as a son. Just a body to give him pleasure. To use as a punching bag. I suppose that's all I'm good for.

I soon get ready for school and head off after making father's lunch for work. It's so cold outside... even for the others. It looks as though fall is slowly coming winter. I'll be freezing... since I'm always cold. Even on hot summer days. Oh well... Hikaru bought me a big coat last year so that'll help.

"Ayato!!!" I turn and see him running over to me. "You didn't answer my phone call. What happened?" Oh right... he said he would call me. I explain to him that my phone died which was a big lie. I was getting father's 'loving' when he called. "Oh... I see. I was just worried... about you." He bit his lip.

I put a hand on his face and kiss him. It was a deep kiss... I surprise myself at the hunger inside of me. I want him... I want him to make me his own. I feel him kiss me back and I can feel his own hunger and love, but it wasn't as much as mine. Not by long shot. He doesn't know the pleasure of sex. He was innocent unlike me. I only know the pain of it. The hate, the lust. I want the love that comes with it. And I know Hikaru can give it to me

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After school, we meet at the same place. The same routine. The air was cool and crisp while the sky has fluffy white clouds across it. The tree has a few colorful leaves. It was so beautiful out right now. So peaceful... nature was a lovely thing.

Ayato was running fingers down my arms and legs. It sends goosebumps through my body. The look in his eyes... he wants to do the dirty. I want it too, but it makes me nervous. And the last time we tried, I felt him tense up as though afraid. I don't know if I can do it if he's afraid to make love with me.

The seductive look in his eyes... the innocent bite of his lip... the rubbing of his body against mine all day... the light touches against my skin now. He is trying to arouse me... and it's working.

"H... Hikaru... can we go to your house? Study... have some 'fun'?" he bites his lip in the same innocent way and nuzzles me. "I'm dying to 'come' with you to your house." He purrs. His word play is on point... I feel my face heat up. "Please~? I wouldn't want you to fail your classes..." his mismatches eyes were bright and... sexy. Damn... I guess I'm very lucky to have a hot guy like him.

I hear myself agree with a light stammer and before I know it, we are walking to my house. My parents are out for an adult party. A boring event so they said that I didn't have to go. We'll truly be all alone to be together... that thought gets me excited.

Once we get into the house, he turns to me and kisses me passionately wrapping his arms around my neck. I blush but kiss him back with the same amount of passionate pulling him closer to me. We are so close that our groins were grinding together.

Damn he's so perfect! I show him all my love for him in this kiss and it makes him moan. I know he wants it. I don't that fear in him this time around. And I'm going to show him how much I love him and go all the way. I will miss my innocence goodbye!

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First note of the story! Thank you all for your support so far! The next chapter will have moments of third person POV as well as the normal Hikaru and Ayato's thoughts. Also it will have scenes that some people may not like. You all have been warned! Again thank you!