Everything Goes Black

Falling

Ayato sleeps finally after a long night worrying about Tomoya. He hasn't gotten any better and hasn't stirred as of yet. I hate seeing both of them like this. Tomoya was always the stronger one with Ayato being shy and weaker. The brothers had always been together... until their mother suddenly left them and took Tomoya with her all the way to England. Ayato was never the same after that... even now.

I watch him sleep now a few soft whimpers escaping his lips. Nightmares haunts my little lover all the time... I can't really help him either. I kiss his forehead and sigh softly as he whimpers again but a weak purr was laced within it. He knows I'm here. But he still can't escape it. I play with his hair gently. He's so sweet and perfect. I don't know why he thinks so poorly of himself.

I then look at Tomoya. He looks to be asleep too, but I know he's in a comatose state. He needs to pull through. For Ayato, his wife, his baby... he just has to survive. Otherwise, I know Ayato will snap and go into himself far from my grasp. He will probably go through with leaving me forever. Then I would probably snap afterwards. I love Ayato so much... it's almost scary on how much I will do for him.

I put my head on top of Ayato's and breathe in his soft scent. It calms me down greatly and I close my eyes. I must have dozed off because I open my eyes again and the light has changed. But that's not all that has changed either. I watch Tomoya's monitor blankly then tense as the loud alarms reach my ears. Doctors and nurses rush in and I hear Ayato let out a sob. I look at him and hold him close.

"I think you boys better leave the room. We have to run a few tests..." the doctor was cut off. "No! I won't leave him! Onii-chan! Onii-chan please don't do this to me!" Ayato cries but the nurses usher us out of the room and shut the door. He tries to pull away from me, but I hold him still. I was in shock. How could Tomoya be fine on moment then start to crash the next second? It wasn't fair! I close my eyes and pull him closer and murmur sweet nothings into his ears.

He doesn't respond. His eyes look so lifeless. He wasn't with me at the moment. He was in another world. Tears stream freely down his face. Ma and pa rush over to us and look hopeless. They didn't know how to help Ayato either. "Kiddo I'm sure he'll be fine..." Pa tries but Ayato suddenly glares at him coldly. "Shut the hell up! You don't know anything!" he then breaks down and sobs into my chest. "I want my onii-chan!" he whimpers. "It's not fair! Why can't anyone do something to help him? Onii-chan never deserved this!" My heart aches for him. I can only support him and stay by his side.

"Honey, the doctors are doing the best they can." Ma said gently. She wasn't working today so she was here with pa in case I need them as well. "Well it isn't hard enough! He could be dying in there damn it!" I winced as I listen to Ayato break down even more. "Why don't you do something Kadae?! Stop being worthless!" then his eyes dull even more and he goes back to sobbing into my chest.

I hum to him softly and hold him close to me. I tell everything will be fine and I will stay by his side through this no matter what. He whimpers as I play with his hair but he starts to calm down. I close my eyes and rub his back. I hear him hiccup and smile a little. That was so cute! He sniffled. "Hikaru... you won't leave me right? Please don't leave me." I smile and promise him just that. I don't plan on it.

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I listen to a doctor say that Tomoya is stable again and that the swell in his brain had gone down a bit. They couldn't explain why this suddenly happened. Idiots... they are doctors they should know what the hell is going on! I feel Hikaru rub my back and relax a little. He doesn't want me to blow up in their faces again. I suppose that's a good thing... but my brother hasn't gotten any better!

I can hear the blade calling my name but I ignore it for now. Tomoya would be so mad at me for even thinking about self harming myself... but I don't know if my mind can take much more of this grief that doesn't even exist. Tomoya is not dead yet I'm acting as though he is. He has a good change of pulling through. God what's wrong me?!

I sigh and we sit back by Tomoya's side once again. He looks just the same. Peaceful in a sleep like state. He took his warm hand and close my eyes. Please Tomoya... please. Just open your eyes! He doesn't seem to hear my call. He remains sleep... flowing on air. He has left me here... to fall into my own mind.

As we doze off, that's where I am... falling, falling, falling into nightmare after nightmare. In each one, I'm losing Tomoya... in the last one, it scares me the most. I lose my will to live in the worst way possible. In two ways... first in broken heart. Then he dies right in front of me. My light... my lover... no no no no!!! Please stop! I watch it unfold over and over again. No no no no no no!!! Stop stop stop!!!

Please!!! Just stop!!! I hear his voice calling me bad names... why why why?!?!?! Then he dies... in a terrible way. NO!!! I wake up screaming while nurses, his parents, and Hikaru are watching me with fearful, confused eyes. I quiver, breathe heavily and cry uncontrollably in his chest. Please never happen... please. "Shh... I'm here... I love you Ayato." he tries to comfort me. This time it didn't work.